My fiance and I are going ot be married in December. My mother told me I can't have a baby for a few years. But the thing is, I am ready. My fiance already has a son, and we don't want him to be too much older before he has a sibling, and his biological mother won't be providing one any time soon. I also want a baby. I have wanted one for a while, and we are making sure that the baby will be provided for. I have a job I can work at without harming the child while I'm pregnant, and I will have health insurance to take care of all the baby expenses (birthing, prenatal appointments, well baby appointments, etc). You can't predict everything in life, and I don't want to wait much longer. Should I do what my heart tells me to?
2006-07-25 07:24:41 · 14 answers · asked by Bachman-ette 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
ABSOLUTELY! It sounds to me like maybe your mom regrets the timing of having children herself, and is perhaps trying to protect you, but it's your decision (and your fiance's) not hers to make. It sounds to me like you have both thoroughly thought through all of this, and are making a sensible decision. Thank your mother for her advice, but be firm in telling her that this is your choice to make and you expect her support.
2006-07-25 07:27:50 · answer #1 · answered by ♪ Nickels ♪ 5 · 7⤊ 2⤋
You will have to do what you feel is best but when you are older, you may think that maybe your mom was right. I don't think that your mom is trying to be controlling, but is just concerned about you. It is hard to start a marriage with a baby right away. Your mom knows that it is nice to have some time just getting used to you and your husband (and in your case his son,) being a family before adding the stress of a pregnancy and a newborn into the mix. These are things to think about, but on the other hand, if you have the baby soon, you and your husband can enjoy your life alone together sooner because your kids will be grown when you are still young enough to travel, etc.
Don't have a baby soon just on account of your fiance's son. It is unlikely that he will appreciate it. I don't know very many kids who appreciated being usurped by a baby. I know I didn't understand why my parents thought I needed a sister to play with. (I love her now, of course!) Also, if the son is going to go back and forth between your home and his mom's he will be jealous of the baby because the baby gets to be with you all the time and he only gets to be a visitor. Even if he lives with you, he may feel that you love the baby more because the baby is your "real" child.
Good luck with your decision, I know it is not an easy one and whatever you decide, be sure to thank your mom for caring!
2006-07-25 14:38:18 · answer #2 · answered by runningviolin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are prepared and obviously have plenty of reasons to have a child and very few (if any) reasons not to, then I would say go for it. I would sit down and write a list of pros and cons. If the one of the only cons is that your mother doesn't want you to have a child yet, then I don't think that will quite weigh out all of the pros you've mentioned (ready to have a child, want a sibling for the step child, financially stable, good job, etc.) I realize you respect your mother and her wishes but it is not her decision as to when you become a mother yourself. You sound so ready and so excited, why would you let anything or anyone get in the way of your hapiness?
2006-07-25 14:31:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you will make a wonderful parent. Your mother is just concerned about you learning how to juggle being a new wife and mother at the same time. But some women are more than capable. I think You'll do fine and you already have your mind made up so why are you listening to us? Good Luck.
2006-07-25 14:30:07 · answer #4 · answered by murph_ltt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are over 18 and not going to rely on your mother to help support the baby, then you should have a baby when you and your fiance are ready and not worry about your mother's opinion.
2006-07-25 14:34:37 · answer #5 · answered by JAngel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom its not her buisness your a grown woman. Espicallly if your going to get married. If you and your soon to be husband are ready and your sure you want a baby and are finacially ready than go for it. Dont let your mom step in because that can ruin your relationship with your fiance/husband.
You should make your own decisions.
2006-07-25 14:32:11 · answer #6 · answered by catherine b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course! Your mother isn't you. While she's trying to watch out for you and do what's best, you're your own person and can't stay attached with a G-clamp for the rest of your life. You'll understand what she's doing after you have your kid. Tell her you guys can bond better then. I know my mother and I sure did!
2006-07-25 14:29:50 · answer #7 · answered by gilgamesh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother has no business butting into your affairs.
Nevertheless, try this out on her:
Say to your mother, mom, since you suggest that we hold off for having a child for years. What say you, that you have the child for us? If she responds, that she never heard of anything so ridiculous in her entire life. You say, that goes double for you and your idiotic suggestion.
2006-07-25 14:45:45 · answer #8 · answered by Gray Matter 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time to politely tell your mother to butt out, that this is between you and him.
I had the opposite problem--my mother was always asking me, "When are you gonna make me a grandma?" My husband wanted to wait, and our son was born after 8 years of marriage (he was 35 and I was 28 when he was born).
2006-07-25 14:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, hun you are a grown woman. The only way your mom can run your life is if you let her!!!!!
Get a back bone and tell her that you are going to do things your way, and she is going to have to be put on the back burner about this topic. It's your life, not hers. Take it!
2006-07-25 15:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do what you want and dont listen to your mother. she will do this for the rest of your life if you let her and it will never stop. tell her you appreciate what she has to say but you and you husband will be making these decisions from now on.
2006-07-25 14:34:07 · answer #11 · answered by mojomuppet 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋