Mom diagnosed with Alzheimers four years ago - can anyone relate?

Question

My mom (now age 86) was diagnosed with Alzheimers four years ago. My mother and I were always very close, and this diagnosis has been devastating.

Her diagnosis came three weeks after a horrible downsizing and things have been very difficult for me since. I now earn less than 50% of my former salary and have health problems, although I call my mom (who now lives in a nursing home) several times a week.

For anyone who has a friend or loved one with Alzheimer's, you know what I mean when I say the disease just seems to take your loved one and just hollows them out. That spark in their eye, their vitality, it's just gone.

Even though my mom is still alive, I feel like she's already gone. I miss her incredible cooking, how she'd always listen to me and remind me that things would be ok. My mom was a good, honest person all her life. She never hurt a soul. Seeing what the Alzheimer's is doing to her has truly shown me what a broken heart feels like.

Answer 1

I have had to work with several close relatives who had various stages of senile dementia. I found it very helpful when I joined a support group for people with aging parents. It helped to meet once a week and just talk. You might find the name of one near you through the nursing home or your local hospital or even a church. It was wonderful to find others who really understood my problem. I learned how to feel calmer and how to help myself through the very rough time.

Answer 2

My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers a couple years back also. I know how you feel. My grandmother used to cook all the time and she use to make these awesome cookies that no one else could make. And now she can't remeber how to cook anything. It's sad that she can remeber back when I was a little kid and she would tell stories about an incident that had happened but after she finishes the story she would tell the same story again two minutes later like she hadn't just told it. And sometimes she acts like she is a kid again. It's upseting because she is alive but she doesn't seem like she is all there.

Answer 3

My grandmother had Alzheimers when I was a girl. She lived with my family for a while until she was admitted to a nursing home. I remember how she deteriorated over time. This was in the late 1970's when there wasn't a lot of information about alzheimers and they called it Senile Dementia.

Today there are a lot of support groups where you can speak with people going through the same experience as you.

Answer 4

My Mom died of Alzheimer's back in 1985. I was 26 at the time and had just had a child the previous year. I'm glad she was still herself enough to recognize him. By the time she died, she herself had been gone for five or six years. It was a relief to have her body join where ever it was her mind had gone. The worst part was the glimpses of her that came through before she got really bad. I knew she was in there somewhere. She as only 57 when she was diagnosed.

Answer 5

Oh honey, I wish I could give you a hug. I work in a nursing facility and I work with folks with Alzheimers and other forms of dementia. It's a disease where most folks refer to it as the "long goodbye". Have you tried attending a support group in your area? I know you love your mom and want to do as much as you can, but you need love and support as well. If you can, have others come in and pitch in to give you a break. Also, does your mom have a living will? Check into that, and see if you can be her POA(power of attorney) so she can get the care that she needs in the event she has to go into a nursing home. You also might want to consider a DNR(do not resuscitate) order in her medical chart. Good luck to you darling, and I'm gonna keep you in my prayers.

Answer 6

Yes, I to can relate and longed for the grandfather that I once had. But, as I dedicated my time to him, I found that there were times, if I really worked at it that he would remember certain parts of his life. Usually the earlier years. We would talk of those times often.
I did a lt of research on the disease t see what I could do to help because I could also see his frustration.First, we made a phot album of all the people in the family and of past and present family pictures. We would look through them often and I would tell stories of the people t pass time away.
The most important thing besides always giving them dignity is to change their routine or the disease will worsen.
If they always sit in the same chair............move them to the couch. If they always look out the same window........change windows. Change foods, change the room around...keep the mind active. If she enjoys listening to stories...read different types of stories to her. Have her listen to a new song, etc.
Show her how to do a craft. She probably can't do one.......but you can and she can listen as you do it and keep her mind active. Hope some of this helps.

Answer 7

Sorry about your mom and brother, my dad died at abode without caution and that i had a tough time for couple of years, because i needed him to be possibility-free, till i heard Spirit contained in the Sky, verify it out on I tunes, decrease back in 1970 or so, I knew than he replaced into ok

Answer 8

Difficult at best. I was fortunate enough to have a good friend/lawyer to help me through the process. If you don't have that several years in advance, as you know, it is worse because you do not have consultation which protects your mom and her wishes.

Answer 9

My Dad has Alzheimers.He still lives independently,but is very forgetful at times.He was a proud confident man,brilliant,and it pains me so to see him uncertain.You are not alone in your sadness.Hugs to you friend.