Why should young people use cigarettes, go to parties, lose their time, swear and act immaturely??

Question

In my middle school, a lot of kids hang around while doing immature stuff. They smoke, they drink, they stay outside until 2 AM. Very rarely something creative, intellectual and mature crosses their minds. I feel very responsible and I hate wasting my time around although they are calling me "nerd". I prefer an interesting book over some stupid party. I also prefer a political dscussion over some stupid jokes about blondes. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with me. Most of them act childish. I consider myself to be very handsome, highly smart and I always try to be a god person. Because of those high-school morons, my self-confidence is sometimes low. Sometimes I even fall in love with imaginery characters (movie stars,video-game characters) which brings nothing good to me, only pain. Am I normal? Can an intellectual survive those years?

Answer 1

First of all, you yourself prove that not ALL young people are like this. So keep that in mind.

It strikes me that you're looking in the wrong places for people your own age that are like you. So the majority of people in school don't have your interests: Go outside the school. Check Scouts, the boys and girls clubs, local church youth groups, the YMCA, the local community theatre...anything that fits what you are looking for in peers, and look into joining them. Perhaps your local library has a young adult book group, or an art afternoon, or something along that line. Check local comic books stores, and gaming shops (if you enjoy those pursuits) and meet teens there.

The bottom line (and I can honestly say this as an old school geek of 28 years) is that you are most likely going to get picked on some at school. As a general rule I say do what I did.... ignore it. If its to the level of constantly being a problem, or having people physically or obsessively abusing you, then you'll have to talk to a teacher, councilor, your parents, etc to get something done about it. But if its the normal low level labeling that happens in school its best to not concern yourself with it, and instead concentrate on what you are interested in, and finding other teens like minded as you are.

Everyone’s self confidence suffers in high school. Got a secret for you: Even the popular kids are posing to hide self-esteem in general. I actually have gotten friendly as an adult with people that used to pick on me as a teen, and over and over I hear "I was jealous of you. You always knew what you wanted to do, you did what you thought was interesting, and I always felt forced to follow everyone else." This is happening. You may never get to hear it, but I promise you...a lot of the hostility toward those different from the crowd is rooted in the deep-set envy that they are brave enough to not HAVE to follow like a sheep.


Having a crush on fictional characters/celebraties is normal. Everyone does it, if we weren't able to suspend disbelief to feel for characters, we wouldn’t be able to enjoy a movie, book, play, etc. It’s a vital part of the imaginative experience. However, if you find ALL of your attention drawn to fantasy...I.e. you'd rather stay in your room alone fantasising over an anime character than join a group of like minded teens...then you may be suffering for more than just the normal pangs of teenhood.

If the above is the case, or you are finding your frustration and bruised self-esteem to lead to harmful acts, depression, or any extreme behavior, you may want to think about seeking professional help to work out your feelings.


Just reading what you wrote, you don’t strike me as odd at all. I was (and still am) a comic book/fantasy/sci-fi/anime/bookworm/RPG geek. I go to anime conventions, I married a wonderful man who is also a geek (RPG, Anime, and Books were part of how we got to know each other) I write, and I work as a librarian. "Nerdhood" is not a kiss of death. Its a badge of honor.

You can, and will find people likeminded as you are. It may take time, but remember we are out here. The important thing is that you never compromise the person you are to get along with people who, honestly, after high school will have NO influence on your life whatsoever.

Answer 2

Well, I managed to survive it, although I found it to be one of the most unpleasant times in my life, what with hormones turing every other boy into the bully of the day, and changing girls from cootie traps to... umm, wow... with nothing I could do about it.

Having friends of much any kind in middle school is tough. You might look into some of the clubs, like perhaps the games club, or the science club, or the book club. Some of the folks there will be partying jerks too, but there will be at least a few who are not like that, and eventually, the party people will accept that you're not going to party with them, and maybe even treat you OK.

One thing that I wish I had learned earlier is that nobody's perfect, and everybody wants to talk. You can have a friendly conversation with people you don't really like or respect. If they want you to party, just tell them that's not really your thing, and say something about how it's fun for some people, but you don't enjoy it. Then change the subject to something you both might have in common, like video games, or cute girls, or something.

Falling in love with imaginary character is also not unusual. I still have a huge crush on the little mermaid, but obviously, I get with other women instead, and most of them turn out pretty nice.

Answer 3

Hey, if you asked me i'd say don't judge too harshly, too fast. Yes the fact of what she did is clear in your mind but maybe the 'why' of it isn't. It's natural to feel jealousy in a situation like that because seeing someone else's success might hit home how hard life is for you. Iimagine a woman who's tried to have a child for years & then a niece or something has one or two or three all without effort; whereas you'd be happy for your relative it's human that your pain may hit your emotions harder. Give her the benefit of the doubt, her life isn't easy. I'm sure she's not where she wants to be in life & her reaction, despite being less than diplomatic and 'friendly' is reasonable. Help her if you can, i'm sure she feels the way she should for you or maybe she was shocked at the time that you weren't being diplomatic, or something about the situation was a surprise for her. if you really want to know what's in her head, talk to her. Apologise even, for not being sensitive maybe & explain that you expected a different reaction from her but... and see what she says!

Answer 4

So is it middle school or high school? you reference both.
You answer your own question... They do those things because there young, therefore immature and its just what they do.
Kids are very easily influenced and if your not that's great, but that doesn't mean you have to be an outcast, or turn your nose up to them. Everyone is different. I'm sure there are lots of people that go to your school that don't hang out with that crowd... OR
what goes thru my mind after reading your question again is that you consider yourself to be better than everyone else. Just because you dint agree with every thought or action or whom a person hangs out with doesn't mean there morons & if you lighten up on them, they would probably lighten up on you & then you wouldnt feel the way you do... and then you might get invited to go to one of there parties.

Answer 5

Theres nothing wrong with. I'm in highschool and I have fun with my friends, but I definately don't like those wild parties and stuff... I think it's stupid for people to do that to themselves. But other people are different, they like to have fun while they still can. However my definition of fun is way different. It doesn't matter what you consider is fun, just don't let them get to you. If your having fun reading a book, then good for you. Just stick to being yourself. Not all highschoolers want to be drunk and party all the time.

Answer 6

Hey its all part of growing up. its far better to act stupid & do these things when you are young. Let your hair down occasionally & have a bit of fun or you will regret it later in life. It doesent mean you have to act like a moron though. Just find a suitable compromise

Answer 7

Yep, you're normal. And, you will survive those years. Think of it this way: in the years to come, they will be working for you. They have their fun now and you'll have yours later, playing golf or something else while they are back in the office. Someone has to be the manager, lawyer, doctor, company exec, etc. And it's probably going to be you.

Answer 8

THIS IS BECAUSE THEY ARE IN THE ADOLESCENSE. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR AN IDENTITY, LOOK FOR APPROVAL, ACCEPTANCE AND HAS A LOW SELF-ESTEEM. FOR THIS THEY RESPOND TO PEER PRESSURE. YOU ARE OK. SINCERELY YOU'LL HAVE MORE SUCCESS IN LIFE THAN THEM. THIS KIDS USUALY DON'T FINISH SCHOOL, USE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL, BECOME PARENTS BEFORE TIME, DON'T GET A COLLEGE DEGREE, AND SOME OF THEM FINISH IN JAIL. I RECCOMEND YOU TO KEEP ACTING AS YOU DO, YOU ARE UNIQUE, YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THEM. DON'T FEEL INSECURE AND DIFFERENT TO THEM. THOSE WHO CALL YOU NERD WILL SEE YOUR SUCCESS IN A FEW YEARS AND THEY'LL FEEL BAD AND ENVY ABOUT YOU. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 9

You can survive and will & dont worry you will be the successful one while they still live at home with thier parents.

Answer 10

Yes you can make it. I did, but I fell down the rabbit hole towards the end so just be careful.