funny jokes plz!?

Question

plz tell me some REALLY FUNNY jokes.

Answer 1

Where Is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Answer 2

Things not to say to a naked guy
(giggle and point!)
Are you cold?
At least this won't take long.
But it still works, right?
Can I be honest with you?
Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
Do you take steroids?
Does it come with an air pump?
Every heard of clearasil?
Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
I didn't know they came that small.
I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
I never saw one like that before.
If you get me real drunk first.
It looks like a night crawler.
It looks so unused.
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
It's more fun to look at.
It's ok, we'll work around it.
I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
Never mind, why bother.
Oh no, a flash headache.
Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
This explains your car.
What is that?
Where's the rest of it?
Who circumcised you?
Why don't we just cuddle?
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Wow, but your feet are so big.
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

Answer 3

Jesus walks into an inn
He hand the innkeeper 3 nails and asks..
..can you put me up for the night?

An old Jewish man walks into a confessional
he says,"Bless me father for i have sinned i was working in my store and in came this beautiful girl about 18 yrs old and before i knew it we were kissing and touching and sucking and everything for over an hour."
the priest interrupts and asks,"What are you telling me for aren't you Jewish?"
the old Jew says,"Telling you? I'm telling everybody!"

Answer 4

Two kids are in Sunday School. A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out.
The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" The boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen.
"God almighty!" yells the girl.
"Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again.
The teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" The boy pokes her with his pen again.
"Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl.
"Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again.
The teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" The boy pokes her with the pen again.
The girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!"
The teacher fainted.