someone help me understand him?

Question

so i have been with this man for 5 years he is the biggest pain in my *** he calls me all day at work if he calls and i am not at my desk he is mad at me because i am probably having fun at work..we fight all the time i am so sick of it...he tells me he is going to leave and then when it comes down to it he really doesnt go anywhere...he is on my case all time saying i am cheating on him that i am a sneak, or a snake in the grass that i always have something up my sleave what is wrong with him or me please enligten me on this

to answer your question no i am not married but i do have 5 children and i guess there is no one out there that is going to want to be with someone who has 5 children 4 of them not even his and i guess that is why i stay but in the long run its killing me

Answer 1

These are the type of men that you really need to stay away from. These are the kind of men that end up physically hurting you or your family.
These are the kind of men who their spouses end up in shelters for battered women.
These are the kind of men that are in prison for murdering or severely battering their spouses and or children.
These are the kind of men that you pack your suitcase and run as far away from as you possibly can before you are dead and can not run.
I have seen it to many times through doing volunteer work.
So please, please, leave this guy and run as far away from him as you can get before it is to late.

Answer 2

This man has a serious mental problem. You need to break it off with him. Be very careful though, he is extremely jealous and will probably do something extreme, maybe violent and definitely stupid.
If he is calling you that much, he fits into a stalker type category.

THIS MAN HAS PROBLEMS.

You need to seek help, talk to someone and keep friends around when you break it off. Move, change your phone number.

This may sound drastic, but if your description of him is right, your problem is him. He needs help. If you think he is worth it, research helping him. Talk to his family, although when you start this process, it can get rough.

A good fiction book that deals with rough relationships is called something like "Listen to the Whales" or "Talking with the Whales" I can't remember. I got it from a library and it was eye opening to abuse relationships. You are on the road to one if you stay.

Best of Luck and may God help you.

Edited - You need to protect your children. There are men that will take you with 5 or more children. Don't sell yourself short. Keep looking.

Answer 3

I was in the EXACT same situation (luckily no children) as you. The next stage is physical abuse and that's when I left. I left everything and caught a bus and stayed with a family member that he never knew about. I even left in the middle of my shift at work and gave no notice, that's how desperate I was to get away from him. That's my advice to you is get you and your children away!

Answer 4

Untrustworthy, Possessive, Controlling,,,,those are not good traits to have in any one single person that is involved in a relationship. Sounds like to me that he would have those traits, if not with you, then with someone else.
Might I ask if you're married? And was he like he is now before you did marry? But if you're just together, with no vows or bond, then I don't know why you are still with him if he is such a pain in your 'backside'. If he's told you he's leaving, and is still there, then you are allowing him to continue as he does. I would hold him to his word, and help him pack, if the relationship you have is as tedious as you've described it to be.

Answer 5

well first of all get out of that relationship, he is trying to control you, wear you down, it is not a good thing you are in.he sounds like he is very insecure about himself and the relationship.he has problems but they have nothing to do with you, no matter what he says.i do not know how you put up with him for 5 years,, you must be on egg shells all the time, i do not know how you stand it. everyone has problems in there relationships, I myself have trust issues but, i could never go that far that is crazy.you deserve so much better stop wasting your life on him he is not worth it,. and when he tells you he will change please do not believe him it is a crock of s*** . you need to get out, it could get worse I do not know for sure but I would not want to find out myself.hes toooo controlling, and that behavior gets worse not better.

Answer 6

Sounds like he has some extremely serious problems>>> his verbal abusiveness toward you is a sure sign of him undoubtedly being abused/neglected earlier in life.
Abuse/neglect & can definently cause a person to become>>> emotionally unstable, insecure about being loved... unable to trust.
Sounds like you're headed for>>> giving him the choice of either getting professional help for himself>>> or losing you.

Answer 7

He has insecurities If it was me and he kept threatning me I'd tell him to go you'd rather be happy than dread going home!!!

Answer 8

he is being a jerk to you. definitely dump him. if he cant trust you, and you give him no reason to not trust you, then he isn't worth it. and if he calls you all those mean things then he is definitely not worth the trouble.

Answer 9

well i cant tell you to dump him thats your decision do you love him enough to put up with him? 5 years obviously nothing can be solved without talking sit him down and tell him exactly what is bothering you.................................

Answer 10

First try to understand yourself. You probably can't change him, but you can change yourself.