I'm not good enough?

Question

I feel that there is something bad inside me, a darkness, a sinfulness that makes me a bad person. No-one else seems to see it, they just see the surface where I look like a good person, but I know I'm not, not really. I don't deserve for anything good to happen to me, I deserve to be punished. I self harm, I feel like when the blood comes out it takes some of the badness away, and if I do it enough maybe one day I'll feel like I'm an ok person.

I used to believe in God and I became a Christian when I was 14 (I'm 24 now) but over the past couple of years I feel like I'm not good enough for God to love me anymore. I still believe in God, and I believe that He will forgive people, even if they do terrible things - but I can't seem to accept that forgiveness for myself and I haven't even done anything particularly bad. How can I accept His forgiveness again like I used to?

I do suffer from depression and I've been on medication and seeing a psychiatrist for the past 2 years almost. But I can't seem to make her understand this.

Answer 1

Ask Jesus to come back into your life. If we wait until we are "perfect" or have no sin, we'll never make it. Jesus wants us to come as we are. He will change us if we let Him.
Be blessed!

Answer 2

Hello,
It saddens me to hear that you feel this way. We ALL feel this kind of “sadness” sometimes, but the fact that you feel this way all of the time is a dilemma. Nobody can ever know the true nature of G-d while we are on this earth, but by being the best person you can be and trying to love and forgive YOURSELF, you will receive great rewards in this life. I understand that this is easier said than done, but what needs to happen is that you need to forgive yourself. Whatever is out there WILL love you and forgive you, people WILL love you and forgive you. Please, don’t hurt yourself anymore just to “feel.” You are a real and worthy human being no matter what you do. But, again, try to love yourself for who you are. Nobody is perfect and we all have “bad” thoughts, feelings, moments. Maybe you could talk to someone professionally or a close friend about these feelings as well?

Answer 3

Sister, you sound like you are so alone in the world. I used to self harm but I realised that if I didn't snap out of this way of life I had begun, I would never be happy. I was so depressed over a lover and went down hill fast but I had to focus on me and me alone in order to seek out why I felt the need to do it. I guess it is installed into your head that you are a bad person from what I read but you must find ways of turning it around and doing some good things, help people, or better still find a lover. That's the best way to regain some self asteem. Please don't continue when you are so young I am 23 and it's hard enough getting on in the world without all the added straind you are putting yourself under. Give yourself a break and trust me God is watching and you must believe he will help you.
Lots of Luck my friend.

Answer 4

Everyone has a darkness within them, it grows from the aggressive nature of our species. What defines us is how we deal with the different parts of ourselves.

The fact that you are concerned that you might be a bad person is a sure sign you are not. Bad people don't care and that is what defines them. You also have to realise that people see more than you think, so although you think they only see the good in you isn't entirely true, they see both sides and they realize you are a good person.

I'm not a religious person so i'm not going to say either 'you don't need god' or 'the bible will solve all your problems' as those don't help. At the end of the day the only person who can help is you. You need to find the strength to realise that things aren't as bad as you think they are. There are people out there, such as your friends and family who will help you if you let them. You'll find that it helps to talk about your problems than to inflict them upon yourself.

Answer 5

Think of what you have done that is good in your life, take strength from the times you have turned away from evil and try going to Church and asking God why you feel this way. If the religion you chose went on too much about sin "in thought and word and deed" too much it could have given you a guilt trip. Try another Christian faith if you think that may help. Whatever you do, don't think that harming yourself is the right thing to do. It neither helps you nor releases anything, other than blood and without that, it's Game Over girl.

Answer 6

Oh sweetie you need to get help hun.I know from personal experience what its like to feel like your a nothing,like there is no point in anything but there is a point you know.I've often appeared to be fine on the surface when really all I've wanted is some help and its like screaming at the top of your lungs and no one even noticing.Seek professional help,thats what I've done and now with medication and counselling I can finally face my demons and look forward.You are not alon and if you ever need to tell someone how you are feeling then just click on my pic and e mail me.Don't face this on your own,its so much easier with someone else to help you through.

As for all the talk of Satan and stuff from others well...you believe what you want to believe but the way I understood it when I was in school God loves everyone who opens their heart to him even people who have done really awful things.This girl needs help not other people telling her the dark thoughts or whatever are Satans way of getting at her.Some of you are really sick to pray on someone who is so clearly vulnerable.I'm ashamed.

Answer 7

Whether you feel it or not you are a loved person. I know what depression can do, I go through it sometimes. Look in the mirror as soon as you have read this answer and say these words over and over again.

I am loved by an amazing God
Jesus loves me and died for my sin
I am a beautiful person
I am special

Say these over and over again. They will seem stupid at first but don't stop. Say them in the morning when you get out of bed. Before you get into bed at night. Say them when you are alone in the house. But always say them in front of a mirror.
God is there for you and bless you. Don't worry that jesus has left you. He hasn't he's still there, don't worry that you can't pray, he knows your heart. You are good enough, you are an amazing and beautiful person.

Answer 8

I hate religions- look what it's done to you. Please, forget about all this Christian nonsense and accept yourself te way you are. It sounds like some religious fanatics are trying to make you feel bad about yourself- don't let them brainwash you! Everybody has a dark side and if this religion was good for you, you wouldn't feel this way about yourself! I think it's clearly stated that people are sinners and it's meant to be like that, so I don't understand why you should be perfect. Even priests and others are not. Not good enough for God to love you? What is that bull***t??? If he doesn't love you, he should go to hell. I cannot advise you much over the Internet and it's a very complex problem, look for somebody who you can trust and tell them how you feel and tell them about your self harm, you need help immediately. Remember, you are beautiful, no matter what they say. (Christina Aguilera).

Answer 9

Listen up. If you are not in counselling, get some. Now. I read your other questions, and it just seems like you may have some self-conscious issues like weight, or sex related. These are not bad things. I am overweight, and I masterbate, but I am a Christian and I eventually got married and have a son. In your past, you have gotten beyond every adversity. That's awesome. But you may need professional help to get past this one. Prayer helps, if only to keep your "moral compass" pointed north. You never know what God will reveal to you through prayer, the Bible, and some people that will touch your life.

Answer 10

If people can see the good in you, even as you say it's only surface good, then there's good in you. You need to work on that and not get yourself down with negative thoughts and ideas. Think of the good and if possible do something for others that makes you feel good in yourself and work from there, if you know that you're not a bad person, which i'm sure you're not, then there's the start you need to work from.

Answer 11

And neither will your psyciatrist if you metnion it.
Most will respect your beliefs but that's it.
(I see one myslef)

Put your faith in God. None of us is worthy. I've never done anything special. I'm not a Billy Grahm out there preaching to millions.

I'm not a missionary going to foreign countries to spread the gospel.

I don't work at the church. I used to be on a cleaning rotation but found it too much with all my other work.

So no one is WORTHY of God's love. Read Luke chapter 15.

In 1st Timothy 5:18 - the Laborer IS WORTHY of his reward.

You should go see a minister and explain all this to him as I'm sure he is way smarter than I am.

Also please drop me an e-mail and let me know how you are doing and if I can help in any way.
I will be praying for you.