What do you do with a friend who always gets her way and is just selfinvolved?

Question

I have a friend who always get her way not matter what. She chooses the movies, the resteraunts we eat at, what stores and where we are going shopping at. I just do not speak up because I'm shy. Also, we took a Jazz Dance class over the summer, she was more experienced than me she took dance since elementary school. This was the first dance class I taken before. So, I assumed she would help me with the dance. However, she did not and then at the end of the class she asked me what grade I will
get in that class. I told her I'm hoping for a ''B''. Then, she said '' but, you did not know any of the dances''. As a result I got a ''C'' in the class. So, I know she is self involved. But, what do you do with a friend who simply gets her way all the time?What do you do with a friend who should of helped you with a class but, was too wrapped into herself to do so? What do you do with friends like that?

Answer 1

It sounds like you're more of a lackey than a friend if she gets to choose what social activities you do. That is NOT a good relationship to have, especially if you don't even acknowledge the difference in power here. Also, it sounds like when you say shy, you really mean a doormat, someone who subsumes their own personality and is just asking to be stepped on. I am being a bit harsh but I'm shy too so I know the feeling. In the end, you need to assert yourself and if she won't shape up, then cut her out of your life. You don't need someone who takes from you but never gives. A relationship should be an exchange of sorts not one person leeching off the other.

Also, in the dance class situation, I'd have to side with your friend as you can't expect your friends to read your mind. You expected her to help you but if you already knew she was selfish, why would you ASSUME that she would help you? It doesn't sound like you asked her for help at all so that is your fault. If she rejected your request for help, it would have been her fault but you certainly can't expect to read her mind much less expect her to read yours. Of course, it does sound like she doesn't go out of her way to make you feel comfortable so I would think that you don't need a friend like this. But you're also blaming her for your C and making it all about her being self-involved-- it could be argued that you're "enabling" her to continue being the selfish diva she sounds to be. Since it sounds like you bend over backwards to accomodate her needs, it makes this whole relationship as much your fault as hers since you provide the opportunity and she takes it.

Normally, I would suggest that you talk it over with the person as maturely as possible but this sounds like a high school situation where such a confrontation would lead to melodramatic crap and immaturity. Really, you need to take responsibility for your own actions and also recognize what is the best course of action for yourself. Stand up for yourself and grow a backbone. Quit following her around. Stop being such a victim. Stop whining about it and do something.

Answer 2

I have found that with any friend you have to decide what is worth putting up with and what isn't. If you two are really friends you should talk with her.Explain that you really could have used her help in the class. If she just laughs and shrugs it off then you know she isn't all that concerned with you at all. If she realizes that she was rude about it then you might want to give her another chance. She may not realize how self centered she is being. But regardless if she is your friend she will try to watch it next time. And try to remember it takes to make a freindship. You always putting up with her flaws and her not willing to work on things too doesn't constitute a freindship. And no needs a user in their life.

Answer 3

She does this because you let her. Stand up to her and start making some decisions for yourself. As far as the dance class, you said you assumed that she would help you and she didn't. You should have asked her for help. People won't know you need help unless you ask for it. She's not the only one to blame in this situation. If you choose to be shy and silent then it's just as much your fault as it is hers and you have no right to complain.

Answer 4

honestly, this girl doesnt seem like someone who you should be friends with at all. she is not mature or giving enough to have any friends. any person who does not have your best interest in mind is not someone you should even worry about being friends with. i cannot imagine never asking my friends for their opinions about what we want to do. that is insane. it also doesnt sound like yall know each other very well, or she would know that her arrogance bothers you, but you dont know how to tell her because you are shy. i say you should start slowly distancing yourself from her, because it sounds like youre letting her walk all over you, which is not what a real friend would do. friends help people, not let them get screwed over with a bad grade when they are totally capable of preventing it. she sucks.

Answer 5

Observe her closely and note how she gets away with what she does. If you end up going to work for somebody, more than likely your boss will have the same mannerisms. Everybody has a different personality type. Your friend's has "upper management" written all over it.

Answer 6

If she is so selfish to not see how you feel then I think you shouldn't even call her your friend! I used to be the shy person being walked on but you can stand up for yourself and say what's on your mind. If she disagrees with your thoughts and dismisses it you can just leave her in the dust!

Answer 7

Sit down with her and explain how you feel about the way she treats you. Let her know it bugs you and if you want to remain friends some of her behavior should change. If she doesn't leave her alone.

Answer 8

Tell her where to step off and that things need to change. It won't change if you don't say anything, hun. What do you have to lose other than a self-centered friend who isn't worried about anybody else?

Answer 9

I would have dropped her along time ago because simply put.........a friend doesn't do things like that. Selfish people are ignorant and only look out for themselves.

Answer 10

aww i think all teenage girls have a friend like that hun, your best option is to talk to her and tell her she has not been very supportive to you. if her behavior continues then kick her *** to the curb noone needs friends who are not prepared to give and take.