2006-07-25 04:40:32 · 28 answers · asked by seamaid47 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Listen to them. Then wait to see how you feel in a little while after the haze of LOOOOVE wears off a little to see if what they are saying about him is true or if they just don't want dad replaced.
2006-07-25 04:47:46 · answer #1 · answered by starcow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to consider WHY your children hate him. Do they just harbor resentment because he is not their father and they feel that he might want to try to replace their father in some way? Or, possibly they are just very cautious of the men you are involved with because they are highly protective of you. If it is one of these situations, it will probably work out eventually with some focused and resolute communication about the situation. Just explain how he makes you happy and how he is a good man. Your children will want you to be happy, and they will eventually start to come around.
But, if your children dislike him because of concerns about his morality or character, that will be a more difficult situation. Is there a GOOD reason that they do not like him? Has he done something to warrant this? Have you made really poor decisions with men in your past to the point that they no longer trust your judgment?
Sometimes if everyone around you is telling you that a person you love is not good for you it may be true. Often people that are not as closely involved can see things that you can’t. If you trust your children’s judgment, don’t immediately dismiss it. Take a close look at your relationship and try to determine if there is some major flaw with your man that you are not seeing. Also, ask for independent input. Ask someone that you can trust that is outside of the situation, for their opinion on you man. If EVERYONE that you talk to is cautious of him, it may be a major warning that he is not good news for you.
Good luck.
2006-07-25 11:54:28 · answer #2 · answered by BR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy for others to write that your children are grown and their opinions don't matter. However, as a good mother that is just not an option. We want our children to be happy and to provide a good home........even if it is just for visits.
I always said that if my son didn't love the man I was going to marry I just wouldn't do it. However, I learned through experience that change is really hard for kids, even grown ups. They are sometimes jealous, at any age, still have thoughts of their own dad, etc.
On the other hand, some woman fall head over heels in love and don't see what may be warning signs in a mate.
I would sit down and tell them that their opinion is very important to you and that you love them very much. Ask them what their concerns are and why. Have them prove that he is unworthy, if they can. Then thank them for their thoughts and tell them what you love about him and why. Tell them you will take their thoughts into consideration and that you hope that they will be able to handle the decision that you choose to make. But, in the end........it is your life. Sometimes we do make mistakes as adults but, you are willing to take the chance..........and hope that they will support you.......
2006-07-25 14:30:41 · answer #3 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not say why your children hate this man. Do they have a reason? I suggest you talk with your children one on one and get their answer and then explain how you feel about him and see what kind of response you get. I personally could not marry anyone that my grown children disapproved of, if they have valled reasons you might want to listen. Sometimes when we are the one in the relationship we can't see clearly and others have a better perspective of judging those we care for because they have nothing invested in the relationship. Talk and then listen, then do what is right for you. Take care and good luck
2006-07-25 11:51:52 · answer #4 · answered by joejo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just discuss the problem with ur kids.Maybe they could persuade u on their view point.You know,sometimes the kids think more sensibly than the adults and since your kids are grown up,let them tellyou why do they hate the person?And if they do so because they hate the idea of yours getting into love when you've got grown up kids,then do consider for a moment...they might be right
2006-07-25 11:50:26 · answer #5 · answered by kiran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well talk with your kids. Ask them each why they don't like your BF/GF. Tell them you want specifics not just general things. Then think about what they say. If you believe what they say to be the truth then maybe you shouldnt be with him/her.
If what they say is childish and untrue, then tell them that after you hear them out and think about what they have said. If they are all just acting childish and just dont like the person because they aren't their dad/mom then stay with the person if they make you happy. Tell your children that they need to grow up and focus on their own lives and not yours. You are their parent, not the other way around. In addition tell them that you give them respect by letting them choose what people to be in their lives and that YOU deserve the same respect. And by saying that tell them that it is the end of the discussion on the matter and you no longer want to hear anything else negative about your BF/GF.
2006-07-25 11:51:58 · answer #6 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two ways you can look at this. Find out why they hate this person. Often we see the people we are in a relationship with through rose colored glasses. Ask them outright why they don't like this person.
The second way to think is that you are a grown person. You have to live your life, your children are certainly living theirs. Your answer to them could be as follows: TOUGH!
2006-07-25 11:44:19 · answer #7 · answered by Lilly M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that they're GROWN and don't like this person is interesting. It could be that they see something about the person that you don't. Have a heart-to-heart respectful conversation with them about the reason they dislike your love interest...and listen attentively. Then of course the decision as to whether to keep this person in your life is ultimately up to you. At least your decision about your life will have included the advice of others who love you.
2006-07-25 11:51:32 · answer #8 · answered by Seagoat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first try to talk with your children. I mean you are and always will be their parent. You need to explain to them that though they may not like him, you do. Did you like everyone they dated when they were growing up? The thing is as long as he treats you good and is a good man, and supportive then your children should keep quiet. They do not have to love him just be civil and polite and he should do the same. They are living their lives now you should be able to live yours.
2006-07-25 11:46:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out exactly why they dont like this person. Sometimes people get blinded by love, and cant see the other person's short comings. If it is just a stupid personality clash, or something little, then dont worry about it. If there is something majorly wrong with this person, follow the advise of your children.
2006-07-25 12:00:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out why your children hate him, sometimes love is blind and you cannot see something bad so get a different view of the person.
If I was you I would keep my kids close even if they are grown. If you lose the man it won't hurt as much as your kids.
2006-07-25 11:46:51 · answer #11 · answered by anti_money 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋