How can I boost my confidence and not be so shy when going up to talk to a girl?

Question

I'm a stud (lesbian) and i've always been a shy person, so it's hard for me to go up to a girl that I think is cute or something. And bein gay it's even harder cuz with femmes you can't tell if they are straight or not. But when I'm out at the club if I see a cute girl I wanna dance with, I won't go up to her partly because when ppl see me they think i'm a boy so I'm not sure how she'll react when she realizes I'm a girl, and I'm not very outgoing with strangers. How can I work on this so I can start going out there and talking to girls whether it's at the club or mall or anywhere else?

Answer 1

Well, boy-ish looking lesbians tend to have a more girl-ish looking face. I know several "stud" lesbians who are obviously girls because of facial structure. So I am sure that helps. I bet your voice doesn't sound exaclty like a guy either. Use it to let them know you are a girl, and hopefully they will get the picture quickly.

I am painfullly shy myself. Sometimes you just have to be daring and approach someone. Other times people might apporach you. Like so many other people have said, try going to gay/lesbian bars, at least at first. This might help you increase your confidence.

Good luck

Edit: I was going to email this back to you, but your address has not been confirmed so it wouldnt go through.

Ah... ok. Well, good luck. Where are you going to college at? They might have a gay-straight alliance or something. Where I attend school has a GLBT center that does events and stuff. Hopefully you will find something.

Answer 2

You know the great thing about being a girl, straight or not?? We can get away with any and everything, conventional or not. When I go out I take on an alternate personna, I'm more daring, the way I see it, if you get shot down guess what you probably won't see that person again and if it works you get to really be yourself with that person afterward. Life is a risk so be daring. It's not weid to just walk up to a chick and start dancing with her, I do it all the time with hot guys I'm interested in at the clubs. Or strike up a convo at the mall or starbucks or whatever and if you can't figure out if she's straight or not just ask. Yeah it'll make you feel dumb for 2 seconds but at least you know.

Answer 3

What's the worst that can happen other than you get turned down? Then you can just move on to the next one. You would be surprised at how many young women are up for new things. If a girl asked me to dance, I would be flattered and I'm married and have a kid because that would mean that my beauty stretches beyond the limits of men and that's flattering to a woman. I would definitely try the gay/lesbian bar thing but, if your in a small town like mine and they don't have those, then I would just give it a whirl one night and ask someone. Like I said you never know when you'll come across someone like me that finds it flattering.

Answer 4

Being shy is also known as being self-conscious. If you are thinking about yourself (what you want and/or how you seem), that makes conversation difficult. If you become worried about being rejected, that's almost always a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you're curious about the other person, that cancels out self-consciousness. Don't think about where it's going. Instead, focus on really seeing and understanding where the other person is coming from. If you approach it that way, there's nothing to be shy about.

Some people will give you flack about being gay. That's inevitable. But it doesn't say anything about you, and does say a great deal about them. Relax. You've got nothing to lose.

Answer 5

Just be yourself.

All you can do is be yourself and if they like you great, but if not brush it off and on to the next one.

It is a numbers game, if you don't succeed at first, try, try again.

Why don't you go to a lesbian themed bar.

I have a funny story about that.

I was working at this place and living in a hotel room. Since I walk everywhere, the closest bar advertised itself as a sports bar.

So, after work I wander in and sit down. The bartender, who was attractive to me, gave me a scowl. I ordered a pitcher and commenced to drinking.

As the time went on, I noticed that the whole bar was filling up with ladies, woo-hoo.

So, I finish my pitcher and go home to go to work the next day, where I find out, the bar was not for me.

Just find yourself some good freinds and don't force anything. Everything happens for a reason.

Answer 6

It's funny that your a shy "Stud".. okay I had my giggle. YOu shouldn't change being shy if that's who you are. But considering you attribute that to confidence you should just know that today is here and tomorrow might not be. If you live life by the day and take on the attitude of not wanting any regrets it becomes a much easier life to live. Trust me! I was soooo shy, and never kept friends very long because of it. One day I just relised that I can still be a wallflower but I don't need to cut myself out of my own life. Don't take anyones opinion to heart...you live your life and no one else would do it for you.

Answer 7

Wow, that's a lot of issues.

Try going to a lesbian club/bar, that way you'll have a way better opportunity to make the right call on the straight/gay thing.

Answer 8

Just be honest with them from the start. If worse comes to worse and they're not gay, then at least you maybe able to make a friend. I think its always hard to approach someone new, but if you think of it in terms of the worst thing that can happen, that would be she says no. If you can exept that, then it only gets better from there.

Answer 9

If you are worried a girl will be confused by your gender, change your apperance. Even though you are a more masculine female, you should still do something to appear a bit feminine. I believe lebians are so because they are attracted to other women, not men. So if you appear masculine, wouldn't that be a turn off for a lesbian? I really don't know, but that would be my guess! And as for courage to talk to someone. Just go for it. It is not likely you will ever see the person again if you do screw up lol.

Answer 10

Practice makes perfect. Just keep doing it and it'll get easier. Also, try starting with gay clubs, that way you're sure which team they swing for before you approach.