How do you make serious changes to your life?

Question

I am seriously unhappy with my life. I hate eveything, My life is so routine. I wake up everyday to come to this stupid job, where I sit in an office for 9 hours alone. Then at 5, my boyfiend comes to pick me up. By 5:30, my cell phone is ringing like crazy becasue my boyfrineds friends are always looking for him. He tells them to come over and I sit around while they talk and watch stupid skateboard movies, (not my thing) Then, when everyobe finallt leaves (usually about 10) we make dinner and eat. By 11, we are in bed and my boyfriend expects me to "perform my duties" Lately I have been cutting him off because I'm starting to feel really alone, and when I tell him I am not in the mood- He turns around and goes to sleep all offended. What the hell am I doing wrong? What should I do to change my life so I can be happy too?

Answer 1

It sounds like you are unhappy with your life and unsure of what you really want. You need to take some time to get to know yourself better and figure out what you really want.

Try journaling. You can use a spiral notebook and just write and write. The answers will come. If you are afraid someone will read it, destroy it when you are done.

Go to the bookstore or search the net and find some things that interest you. Are you into nature, sports, crafts, hiking, exercising, animals, birds, photography, bowling, saving the earth, vegetarianism, spirituality? When you discover what interests you, join some kind of group to participate in that with others. If you are unsure of what you are interested in, try some groups to see. I'm sure there are groups for all kinds of things in your area.

You are probably pretty young (early 20s?) and you just haven't discovered what you want yet. I know I didn't at that age. But you are realizing that you aren't satisfied so you are on the right track. Keep looking and you will find it. You could also try meeting with a counselor for some help with figuring this out. Good luck.

Answer 2

The obvious first step would be to change jobs. If this isn't possible - could you talk to your boss about changing positions - maybe to something more challenging? Your unhappiness with your boyfriend may be magnified by your dissatisfaction with your job. You need to set some limits in your relationship as to how many nights per week will be spent with friends. He needs to respect the fact that you need his undivided personal attention once in a while. If he is unwilling to compromise - then you should get out of the relationship. Join some organizations or clubs in the community - take up a hobby, etc. Not only will this make your life more fulfilling - it will give you a chance to meet and socialize with others. Showing your boyfriend you have a life outside of just work and him might do the trick . Maybe when he sees that you are not always there waiting around all night while he does his own thing - he'll start to pay more attention to you. As the old saying goes " there are lots of fish in the sea." Life is too short to settle for unhappiness.

Answer 3

Yes, is a must for you to change not only your life, your boyfriend too. (Don't say you cannot live with him) What I am reading, he treats you as his tel receptionist and your night duties. There is no respect for you of what you can do or think.
Job is a must but wonder why are you siting there alone with no work for 9 hrs? Be creative, if you have a PC, look into subject that you have great interests and explore.
Next time, don't have your b/f to pick you up. Take the bus and venture the bus ride. See things you miss, eat out and enjoy the life by yourself. You will feel that the air you are breathing is very different. Try it.

Answer 4

First all, it could just be a minor depression or just plain old loneliness and boredom with a routine that is just not making you happy anymore, and only you can decide after some thorough soul-searching. You can just be down right now and all or it could be something more. The problem is if you cannot pick yourself up after trying then maybe try to get some counseling.

But, first of all, try to determine, what made me happy in the past? What made me love this man that I live with? What made him so special to me?

After you find out what it is that makes you happy and what you need to be happy, then communicate with your partner, hug him and tell him you need to know what he needs to be happy and you both need to communicate your needs to each other.

Sounds like you are very lonely right now and need to communicate that and other needs to your man and spend some real couple time. It can help but you may need to get a hobby or a project or do some volunteer work to give you a sense of well-being and that you are contributing to society. Also, if your job is not satisfying find out why that is? It can be a source of a person's deep unhappiness and unfulfillment as well.

Just remember that counseling is guide, if that doesn't work then maybe try therapy. Or couple's counseling if you both think it's really necessary.

Answer 5

First of all you need to communicate with your boyfriend, set some rules and let him know that his friends can visit once a week. You both need to spend some quality time together maybe talk a walk in the park after work or go out to dinner once a week. About your job, try taking some night courses in something that your interested in so you can find a job that you like. There's alot of things you can do but you have to take that first step and get the ball rolling. Good luck!

Answer 6

Go shopping, cut your hair, buy something that you've had your eye on, go out with some girlfriends for a night out, maybe look for a new job even, something more exiting and interesting. As for your boyfriend, tell him how you feel and how unhappy you are with your situation, has he never heard of "quality" time with you alone?? Make a change in your relationship? Do things, enjoy life??? Find a way that works for you... i know i'm doing too.

Answer 7

Get a hobby, remember the things you loved to do as a kid that made you happy. Or try new things.

Learning how to do new things helps you feel alive.

:)Coming from a stay at home mom with only a few friends...you have to change it up for yourself so you feel like you are living and not wasting your life.

Good luck and go have some fun!

Answer 8

I am not one to push religion onto anyone but it worked for me...I was trying to do all the right things but it became a routine and very boring and then a gf invited me to Church Service and each message in every service was speaking to me about issues I have been thinking about that I needed answers to...I understand your situation and you may think your lifestyle doesn't need religion but there has been an enormous amount of awareness provided that has made my life so much more content, happy..enjoyable...and if I should have a bad day I look forward to Church to hear encouraging words the inspire me to look forward to better days...not all Church Services are the same...find one that suits your spiritual needs....good luck, blessings.

Answer 9

I wouldn't put up with a man having his friends around 24/7.....lower the boom and tell him it's them or you. (at least 5-6 days per week). Start surfing for a new job....working alone must suck. Remember that you are in the drivers seat of your life and have total control...you know what changes you need to make, so get off your butt and start making them! Much luck :)

Answer 10

Do you love yourself enough to make a commitment. If you do, then commit yourself every day to achieve a goal that you currenty don't have. A goal that will reverse the BLAHness of your life. If it means changing jobs, home, go to college, and even get a mature boyfriend. If you're not #1 in his life now, you never will be. Sorry to punch so hard, but experience is talking. Do what you have to do sweetheart, and don't worry about stepping on toes. It's your life, don't waste it.