I am a 50 Year old grandmother of 2. My youngest grandchild was placed under protection of Child Protective Services the day she was born because Mom tested positive for pot and was known to have used drugs early in Pregnancy. During most of my grandchild's life she has lived with me. But at 18 months, (she is now 19 mos), between my lawyer and her fathers lawyer, we worked it out so Dad has Primary Custody, I have Secondary Custody and Mom pays child support but can only see her child under my supervision.
She is living with a man accused of manslaughter. It was an accident but should not have happened. He is not allowed contact with the grandbaby. They both drink and are both unemployed. She see's little of her child by her own choice.
Here is the problem. She is pregnant again. I don't think I can do all this again. How do I handle it.
2006-07-25 02:47:28 · 20 answers · asked by shirley_corsini 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
She is saying all the right things. "I'm going to go to school so I can take care of both of them." etc.....
I've heard it all before.
2006-07-25 02:49:50 · update #1
Not my choice if she has baby or not, and as soon as I saw she wasn't going to care for first baby I stopped helping her. She is on her own where I'm concerned, But the child she carries is my grandchild.
2006-07-25 02:53:20 · update #2
little fairy.... my daughter learned mothering skills from me, her lifestyle and selfishness took them away from her. I have no control over that. No, she cannot live with me. Been there, done that, it was a disaster. She is 25.
2006-07-25 03:00:58 · update #3
InLoveandWar....if I listen to that I will be raising her children for the rest of my life. When is my turn, when I'm dead?
2006-07-25 04:33:22 · update #4
I'm sorry to hear about your situation but it's a choice that your daughter has made - and a bad choice and, as such, is out of your control. We do the best we can with our children and once they reach a certain age, the choices are up to them. The first thing you have to do is take a deep breath and say to yourself, "It's done and I can't change the choices she makes." The next thing is to do is realize that the best thing you can do is love the grandchild and be there for it but that, ultimately, it's your daughter's bed and she needs to lie in it. If the child is removed from the home, you have every right to visit it in foster care to make sure that it's well taken care of but you don't have to be the one raising it. I know that this is a tough situation and there really are no right answers and I wish you well.
2006-07-25 02:54:44 · answer #1 · answered by Lex 7 · 11⤊ 4⤋
I dont' know where you live so I don't know the child welfare laws in your state but in many states, if Child Protective Services is monitoring one child, they will also monitor the birth of a second child and in many cases, take custody of the child when it is born. I would suggest that you contact the Child Protective Services in your county and discuss your concerns with them.
I was a Protective Service Worker for 10 years and this was the procedure in my home state.
Personal Note: Don't beat yourself to death over the stupid decisions your daughter is making. All you can do is give them to tools to survive and if they choose to do something different, it has nothing to do with you as a person. The most important thing is that her children must be safe and have a chance.
2006-07-25 10:06:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a step mom of two kids whose mother sounds remarkably similar to the woman you are describing. My heart goes out to you, because I can tell you, this is not a fun situation to be in. This woman claims to be on a track to a better life, is it possible that she will see it through? If so, this new baby may be the wake up call she desperately needs. If not, obviously this child will likely be removed from her care as well. Do you have another family member or close, trusted friend who might be willing to welcome the baby into their home? If none of the above options work for you, the best thing to do may be just to step back and let the child be adopted. That sounds so harsh and cruel, I know. However, as I have learned in my own situation, you can only do so much, and at some point you have to recognize that, and step back and try to disengage yourself from the situation as much as possible. Not because you are cold, or that you don't care, but for your health and sanity. As I'v esaid, my heart goes out for you. Living and dealing with people like this is so hard to do, and so unfair. God bless.... and good luck.
2006-07-25 10:00:27 · answer #3 · answered by grey_sky_morning84 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
{{{hugs}}}
I'm sorry that you are going through this...it's sad for the children. Will she be able to keep this baby? Hopefully not...if it is up to you I'd put the baby up for adoption...if you can't do it. It is your grandbaby but if you can't take care of it and neither can your daughter, somebody out there can and will. You can look into an open adoption where you could know what is going on with her and when she gets old enough meet her. :)
Good luck!
2006-07-25 10:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by Apple Blossom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear all that.You are not the one in the world facing such problem.There are many like your daughter and taking advantage of our love , affection and care we take of our grand baby.we treat them as angels in the world.However parents are thinking in a different way.I would advise you not to go through again. Also check up if pregnancy is true or not.May be this one is drama or a melodrama to take out something from you as both are unemployed and addict to drugs.It is impossible for them to brought up children and both might are aware of the fact too.However this time declaring pregnancy must be for different purpose and better you watch out.Do not indulge yourself into this and concentrate on your first grand baby.All babies are Angels from God but God doesn't help all the time for the mistake committed again and again.God bless you.
2006-07-25 12:36:41 · answer #5 · answered by shri 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you would know what you are capable of handling but people do deserve second chances especially where children are involved you have to study the welfare of your grandchild your daughter doesnt even seem capable of taking care of herself ( there was in incident here in Trindad where the child(a girl) had been with her grandmother since she was born because her mother was 15 and not capable of taking care of the baby she was on drugs to an prostitution charges........ however she claimed to have cleaned up and demamded her child back the grandmother gave back the child to her mother ( by that time she was three) a year after the child is dead she was beaten, tortured, raped and buggered by her step father) a known criminal her mother was with( he was previously charged with house breaking and larceny, manslaughter and attempted rape) the step father is currently in jail awaiting trail and the mother was charged with 13 counts of assault and negligence so u need to do what is right for your grand child even if it means hiring someone to help you please protect our children
2006-07-25 09:59:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same story no change I am with an ex-addict I heard the same story for a year, finally he went to jail for 2 weeks and he woke up, if you can't handle it don't, it's not fair for you, but yet it's not fair for either of your grandchildren. You are in a tough spot, give her a chance though if she hasen't changed before that baby is born do what you feel in your heart. Good Luck to you and God bless you for being such a wonderful Grandma
2006-07-25 10:15:51 · answer #7 · answered by boredgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My aunt Is going through the same thing! I really don't know what to tell you, just remember the Lord will take care of you and provide you and these beautiful angels of God with love. I wish you the best, but just remember that the Lord doesn't give you any more than you can Handel. You'll come up with the decision with the time comes, but rely In the Lord and he'll take care of you and this angel from God.
2006-07-25 09:53:23 · answer #8 · answered by twofroggiesand1princess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is your daughter and these are your grandchildren, but you have done your job. You are 50 now, and shouldn't be bringing newborn babies up again.
Your daughter needs to learn the consequences of her actions. It would probably be better for the child to go into a care and if your daughter really cares, then she will get herself sorted out for the sake of her children.
Don't feel guilty. I know they are your grandchildren but she needs to grow up and learn the hard way.
2006-07-25 09:53:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh gosh.....I'm so sorry to hear that. But big applause to you for taking care of your grandbaby. I'm not sure what to tell you about the new pregnancy. Talk to her. Help her find help. If she can't live with you or someone else she knows, maybe get her away from that guy and into a shelter?
2006-07-25 09:53:19 · answer #10 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋