my mother is overly dramatic how do i....?

Question

get her to chill out and realize that i am 22 years old and leave me alone. she owns the house live in, and always throws that at me. she didnt raise me my dad did i am just now living around her for the second time in my life i spent one year of high school with her.
she tries to treat me like i am still a twelve year old. How do i get her off my back?

i do pay my rent and all utilities so its not like i am using my mother, if i was renting anywhere else, i would be allowed to do pretty much what i want, so how does she have the right to rule what i am doing?

Answer 1

HI, I am so sleepy and have been up all night online and working etc
but had to reply to your question first-----
It sounds like your mother is feeling very guilty that she has not been
there for you, and she is trying to get your attention in any possible
manner, positive or negative. By repeating that it is her house and not
yours she is trying to assert her authority and her role in your life as
the mother she wishes she had been. I think your statement about
being 12 says it all, that is, she wishes you were 12 again and
altho she was probably happy you came home, she now must
face the harsh reality that she cannot turn back the clock. This is
a very hard lesson for any parent, whether they have been a good
parent or a bad parent, or in between.
Therefore, please cut her some slack, ie, try to understand her side
of this. And since you are 22 and well out of your teens, RESIST
the temptation to get into teenage and preteenage arguments with
her, whenever possible.
Probably you have some lingering anger over the fact that she has
not always been there you but try now to set that aside a bit.
Here is an idea for you---surprise her this weekend with an
invitation to lunch or perhaps a mother-daughter matinee at the
movies. Bring it up casually if you wish---you can say, "Oh gosh,
Jenny and Mark had to cancel our plans and I don't have anybody
to go see that new movie with--how about if you and I go?"
Or you can try, "Hey I am so tired of this hot (or cold if it is cold,
or windy if windy or humid if humid) weather, so let's go to that
nice air-conditioned place downtown and get a meal--they have
their specials tonight--how about it?" ---At first it will seem
awkward to do this since your relationship with her at present seems
to consist of arguments. But you will be surprised at how that may
change quickly if you give this a chance! EVEN IF she turns down
your invitations at first, keep inviting her anyway and chances are
that eventually she will say yes. Just hang in there.
No matter how you may feel about this, one thing is for sure,
she will stop some of the nagging and arguing when you start some
kind of outings with her as that will mean that you two are at least
comunicating a little bit. You may even come to like it a bit!!
Remember that it is human nature to want some attention from
those we love and care for, even if it is negative attention.
Kids do this alot but adults are often guilty of it too.
Once you begin to actually spend just a little bit of time around
your mom and do it without alot of fighting, she will not have
the same desire to get into the negative arguing and nagging.
Instead she will begin to focus on the reality that you are now 22
and a young woman with your own life to slowly build.
Give her a chance to at least be a part of that life, even if
you can only do it a little bit at a time. Try to make the time
with her one-to-one, and keep the time with your father, friends
and relatives, etc, separate sometimes.
Be patient with her, as the grief she must feel over those lost
years (notably between 12-22 as you mentioned she treats you
like 12 but I am sure years prior as well,) must be a painful
grief indeed. There are few parents who miss such years
without much pain, and I feel sure that this "nagging" is
really an expression of her deep sorrow over so much lost time.
Also, remember------parents do not live forever, even if it seems that
way to you right now!!! The years go by quickly and one day soon
you will be out of your twenties and in your thirties, and by then,
you want to be able to look back at these years and say that you
tried to keep a relationship of some kind with your mother.
Lastly I want to say re the "dramatic" behavior, it may not be
possible to get rid of all ofher behavior which is like that, but
by dealing with her as your mother and not ignoring her, you will
be able to get it under some control at least, and you will be
establishing some real communication with her.
Remember to include her in some aspects ofyour life whenever you
can do so, and be patient!
I do hope you will email and let me know how it all goes over time.
Take Care, and you can email me at [e-mail]
Best Wishes,
Lisa in Los Angeles area

Answer 2

The best thing that you can do right now is get your own place so that you don't have to go through this. I don't care how old a child gets, you could be 50 yrs old and a parent will throw this type of thing up in your face. You have to remember no matter what it's still her house and she can say and do what she wants. That's just how they feel about it. You need to find a place of your own and i'm sure things for you and her will be a lot better. Parents tend to give you more respect and treat you as an adult when you have things of your own and your out here working for your own things. There is no way of getting her off your back unless you move out.

Answer 3

Your mother used to be involved to your sister's security. Every mother could be disappointed that you just didn't near and lock the condo door whilst your more youthful sister used to be asleep. Giving you 30 days to transport out except you give up being egocentric is somewhat a lot. As a long way as making you stroll dwelling, good I feel that used to be compatible. On the opposite hand, in case your mother used to be so concerned approximately your sister being vunerable, how is it extraordinary so that you can be running the streets by myself for four miles? I could express regret to my mother and sister and be certain I closed and locked the door subsequent time.

Answer 4

A mother is always caring for her children even her children are grown up parents. It is the love that is always remain in the inner self and nobody can take that loving and caring feeling towards her children. even how bad her children are to her.
However, she has her right of the house rule since you are staying in her house.
If you have your own house and you have a son/daughter who bring their playing mate in and out of the house like a hotel or stay over night, you will bang down their door and give them a piece of your mind.
So, it works both way. You don't like how your mother is giving you, move out (if you can afford it) If you can't, just shut up and don't annoy your mother.

Answer 5

Move out and find your own place so she won't have that to throw in your face anymore. Also try to talk to her and explain how you feel.

Answer 6

Move into a place she doesn't own.