that try's to tell you what you should do, even though you have a family of your own?? What do you say without being cruel??
2006-07-25 02:36:56 · 17 answers · asked by american_angel068 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have tried to nicely put my foot down, now she refuses to come to my home(5yrs), and she lives a few blocks away. She plays a guilt trip like you wouldn't believe.
But you'll be glad to know she has time to drive by my house ALOT !!
It is becoming to overwhelming
2006-07-25 02:45:09 · update #1
omg...are we sisters?? she sounds like my mother and grandmother...i have two of them to deal with.
i am married with three children, i have gotten it in my head after many, many years of dealing with this type of behavior that i have to get on with my life with my family and stop letting them make me feel guilty about things.
you can not change her, she has to do this on her own.
i love my mother and grandmother very much, but, it has come to a point that i have to distance myself from them.....we are planning on moving out of state.
i don't know about you, but, i have tried the saying things without being cruel, and putting my foot down.....i guess they have a control issue that only they can fix.....Good Luck, I know it is hard!!
2006-07-25 05:16:01 · answer #1 · answered by Mr.& Mrs.CoolBreeze SFCU 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She did for awhile. In my situation, I am the oldest of 5. I am 31 and my youngest sister just turned 13. My mom has been very accustomed to being "obeyed" by her children still living at home and has had trouble adjusting to having adult children as well. Sit down and have an honest talk with her. Be tactful but firm. I bet once your mom realizes what she is doing she will try to stop. It took awhile for my mom to break the habit of giving all sorts of unwanted advice and getting upset when we didn't do what she said but now things are really good. Now 3 of us are married and out of the house and a 4th is starting college this fall. So she has gotten pretty good about letting us live our lives.
2006-07-25 09:44:23 · answer #2 · answered by Gwen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres not alot of ways to do it without being cruel but simply tell her to mind her own business you will raise your family as you see fit and even though you may occasionaly ask for her input unless you ask for it dont just give uneeded info or advice. My mom is the same way but I just have to put her in her place every once in a while...
2006-07-25 09:43:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many mothers try to help their adult kids. They may see mistakes they made that they don't want you to make, or they could be the controlling type. It really doesn't matter why. The best solution is to stand up to your mom and tell her that she did her job at raising you and now it's you job to raise your family.
You should still let her make suggestions once in a while. They can have good information, even if we do not want to hear it.
2006-07-25 09:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by justaskn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn doesn't EVERYBODY have one of those? Sorry I'm not the guy to help w/ a solution. I just listen as long as i can, until I can't take it anymore and then I'll blurt out something cruel. I just wanted to let you know your not the only one. BY A LONG SHOT! I think it's pretty much the norm.
2006-07-25 09:42:48 · answer #5 · answered by rummy714 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Option 1) brush it off, ignore her when she starts getting like that
Option 2) limit your overall contact with her, or
Option 3) Tell her that you will be raising your family your way, and that her intrusive "advice" is not appreciated.
If option 3 fails, return to options 1 or 2
2006-07-25 09:41:33 · answer #6 · answered by Robin J. Sky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, yes, I do. Like you, when I stood my ground, she broke contact with me for a while. You need to remember that you are an adult, and you are only responsible for what you do. If she chooses to behave in inappropriate ways, that's her decision.
I know it's difficult, but you cannot change others' behavior. You can only change your reaction to what they do. I have a better relationship with my mother now, but it's far from perfect.
I wish you all the best.
2006-07-25 10:18:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes that's not uncommon actually. Mums always think they no better as they will tell you that they have already been there done that, to them I think it makes them still feel wanted or useful as they have had experience. Don't take too much to heart I'm sure your mum means well. If its upsetting you too much do what I did and tell her that you have to learn from experience and that you are aloud to makes mistakes on the way as you are only human, and every body learns from mistakes
2006-07-25 09:46:56 · answer #8 · answered by mermaiden_4_ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 31 and married, live 2000 miles away and my mother still tries to tell me what to do. I am just blunt with her and tell her to stop telling me what to do. We have a good relationship and honesty is good. But I also know that as my mother, she will always tell me what to do so sometimes I just ignore it.
2006-07-25 09:42:24 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a mother who is very ill and near death now... but she tried to help me, but i cannot say she tried to tell me what to do..if you have your own family and husband she needs to stay out of your affairs.. my sons will not let me tell them how to live their lives or who they see, marry, divorce or anything..i try to get along with my sons but i do not agree with some of the things they do at all..but they are grown and should be allowed to make their own mistakes and learn from them.. and your mom should let you live your lives and not but into your families business...mothers care though and if they see them making a real big mistake i offer my opinion but they do not have to listen either..
2006-07-25 09:49:30 · answer #10 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋