My ex boyfriend is round about 25.I am 35 with a child, he has great respeact and love for us, but broke up. reasons are various, young of age, felt traped, his mother,he wished to do more crazy things in life and I wanted to secure our family.We never argued, we had great love and understanding untill he was told from mam, and maybe friends of his age. The fact is I know he cares deeply, he calls sometimes, he comes to see my daughter who he learnt to love as his child.He is been having his single life for 4 months now, soon the season/finish, he will enentually have time to think and realize what is best for him. With me he will have a stable future, a warm wife, a great lover but not lots of young girls. Without me he is going to be poor, difficult future as he comes from a poorer eastern european country.He has no goals returning to his country.Here he can work summer with no days off. With me he gets a better chance in life. MY QUESTION WHAT WOULD YOU DO, AND WHAT SHOULD I DO?
2006-07-25 00:42:16 · 16 answers · asked by Julia 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
do what feels right
2006-07-25 00:45:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is around 25,he is grown and his mother and friends dont have as much control over him as you've been led to believe.Like you said,there were various reasons,one being;HE wished to do more crazy things.He probably just wished to spend a little more time having a good time.He's only 24,who's to say he'll be poor,or not find a warm wife his age with no children for him to feel obligated towards if it doesnt work out(except his own)?Why r u looking to take care of him?Perhaps he already has a mother and doesnt want another one...maybe he wants 2 be with his equal,ot someone who wants to take care of him.Most men like to be the breadwinner(usually because the breadwinner calls the shots)even when there's no age difference.Even the tone of your question has a "motherly"he ran away"ring to it.He probably does care for you and your child,but doesnt want what you're offering right now.You should find someone your age with more experience who has already sewn their oats and is more likely to be receptive to your goals.This guy clearly knows what he wants(which isnt common),and is being forthright about it.You should appreciate and respect that...would u rather him marry u,then hobitually cheat and party as though he never wed u?I'm not trying to be crass,just telling you what u need to hear.Good luck!
2006-07-25 07:58:02 · answer #2 · answered by Direktor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe with all my heart that if parents arent happy and with time its the same, then i wouldnt ever marry if your parents or his parents are somone you can trust, wants the best for you, and it just plain a good example in your life with a good head on their shoulders. If ever, it will take along time to warm up to them becasue that is their kid so i know, even if you wont admit it, you will do what you can to help her realize that she doesnt need to marry somone you dont approve of. If there are selfish reasons in it just let him go and let him descide if he wants to come back. If he has no goals, future or know how to do anything, marriage wont help that at all cause then he will be the same way but married and not being able to provide for the family unless he works 2 jobs which you will hardley ever see him. If your job can support a lifestyle that can get the bills paid and food on the table then lehim stay home. If he has left then love to him or you wasnt strong enough to endure all and that will tell you somthing there. If its ment to be then so many walls wont show up to stop you, especially if its of Christ.
2006-07-25 11:53:10 · answer #3 · answered by Airman_P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I gave you a choice between two men, both substantially identical EXCEPT one already has a record of letting down his side of the bargain with the woman who is the mother of his child, and the other doesn't, I hope you would be smart enough to make the right choice. People never change, that's a myth.
And any 24-yr-old man still that heavily influenced by his mother is well worth staying away from!
Maintain a cordial relationship for a while for your child's sake, if she has grown fond of him. But find a man for yourself.
2006-07-25 07:53:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he isn't ready to settle down, don't force it. I think the party life comes at a later age for some, especially if they didn't do much as teens. I didn't do much as a teen and did some when I was older (mid 20's).
He needs to grow up.
Sometimes it seems older men want to go back to their "teen years" or "middle age crises".
Hang in there. Pray for a Godly mate, and wait for him.
(I am over 50) Be blessed. I hope this helps.
2006-07-25 07:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by RB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a guy, I have to offer the following advice:
1) Realize that he's a guy not a girl and guys think and behave much differently than girls.
2) Stop trying to think for him.
3) Give him time and space to work his feelings out (it takes a lot longer longer for men)
2006-07-25 08:03:12 · answer #6 · answered by Paul McDonald 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe he is a nice person who turned to u out of loneliness, found a friend & confidante; but not feelings of love.
Eastern european people (& asian) mature much later (maybe 27 onwards) & are suseptible to peer pressure.
If he has not talked about marriage within a year of knowing you; he never will. I'm sorry.
Better it happened now than later. Offering him a financial reason for staying is not a good idea. Keep him ur friend; but move on.
2006-07-25 08:00:17 · answer #7 · answered by nick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF he was persuaded by others to leave you have to ask yourself will this happen again and again if you two get back together.
P.S. A man (real) wants to be a provider not a receiver in a relationship. Sorry that's just the way we are built.
2006-07-25 07:49:16 · answer #8 · answered by williamzo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't read anywhere in your entire question where religion is mentioned.
If either or both of you are not a Christian, You have much bigger problems than trying to get back together. then, if you get back together, what makes you think it will last?
I'm simply asking and telling you a fact. Believe or not.
Good Luck.
2006-07-25 08:10:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should talk to him, rather than asking others who are not part of your relation, its your life and your relation so go ahead speak to him and get advice from him.
He is the best one to give answer for this, say what you feel to him
2006-07-25 07:48:49 · answer #10 · answered by loverboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU - just sit and wait - don't stop living though. Get on with your life!
He's probably going to realise what he lost and will come back - or not?
2006-07-25 07:48:24 · answer #11 · answered by Chellie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋