Help me I'm bored as hell!!!!!!!?

Question

IM DYING OVER HERE, I'M FREAKING BORED, PLEASE MAKE ME LAUGH OR SOMETHING THAT WILL KEEP ME ALIVE!!!! I WILL GIVE 10 POINTS, JUST SAVE !!!!

Ahh people! Here the time is 12:50 pm! It's the middle of the day!

Answer 1

little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut....she is eating a snack
cake... the barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get
hair on your twinkie."

"I know, "she replies. "I'm gonna get boobies, too."


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Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.

Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around." Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED.

Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?

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That's easy.... Seven-Up!


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IT'S BEEN A FAST 30 YEARS!

1970: Long Hair
2000: Longing for hair

1970: The perfect high.
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

1970: Keg.
2000: EKG.

1970: Acid Rock.
2000: Acid Reflux.

1970: Moving to California because it's cool.
2000: Moving to California because it's warm.

1970: Growing pot.
2000: Growing pot belly.

1970: Douglas Street bridge.
2000: Dental bridge.

1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your
parents.
2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your
children.

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth
Taylor.
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth
Taylor.

1970: Seeds and stems.
2000: Roughage.

1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
2000: Popping joints.

1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

1970: Paar.
2000: AARP.

1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
2000: Being caught with Hustler magazine.

1970: Killer weed.
2000: Weed killer.

1970: Hoping for a BMW.
2000: Hoping for a BM.

1970: The Grateful Dead.
2000: Dr. Kevorkian.

1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
2000: Getting a new hip joint.

1970: Rolling Stones.
2000: Kidney stones.

1970: Being called into the principal's office.
2000: Calling the principal's office.

1970: Screw the system!
2000: Upgrade the system.

1970: Peace sign.
2000: Mercedes logo.

1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

1970: Take acid.
2000: Take antacid.

1970: Passing the driver's test.
2000: Passing the vision test.

1970: "Whatever"
2000: "Depends"


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A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a
relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?"

The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."

Answer 2

Tickle Me Elmo


There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which
makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory
and she reports for
her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the
Personnel Manager's
door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to
rant about the new
employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the
whole line is backing
up, putting the entire production line behind
schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this
for himself. So the 2
men march down to the factory floor. When they
get there the line is so
backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all
over the factory floor
and they're really beginning to pile up. At the
end of the line stands
Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of
plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in
amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two
marbles and begins to carefully sew the little
package between Elmo's
legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After
several minutes of
hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep
a straight face "but I
think you misunderstood the instructions I gave
you yesterday"..."Your
job is to give Elmo two "test" tickles"!!!

Answer 3

THANK GOD IM AN ATHEIST!! no? didnt do it for you? ok heres a joke.

An old couple decide to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary by recreating their honeymoon. They go to the same town, stay in the same hotel, in the same room. One day they decide to go for a walk, the same walk they went on 50 years ago. Halfway through the walk, they start kissing etc. after checking that no-one is watching, they duck into the bushes. When they come out a while later, the man says to his wife, "You didn't move like that 50 years ago!" to which his wife replies, "There wasn't an electric fence there 50 years ago!"

Answer 4

Ur emo, sorry nothing works, listen to Primus, Les Claypool "Weird Al",Dr.Demento,Pokemon,Megaman,ETC.

Answer 5

Dear friend just cheer up your MOOD. only you can make your self laugh

Answer 6

Go to www.angryalien.com or www.happytreefriends.com It will make you laugh.

Answer 7

Go to sleep... Soon be over...

And keep your 10 points, I don't need them... :D

Answer 8

Make a account at myspace? lol

Answer 9

go hire a dvd get some m&m's and have a good night

Answer 10

hahahaqhahahaah:)):)) just think of this silly life and u will always laugh