how many sex partners?

Question

I have been with my b/f for almost a year we live together now
but its really weird, but he has had sex with lots of people in his past, and I mean LOTS and it really bothers me. I know that the past is the past and that people change and learn, hell thats what your 20's is for. But i don't know why i can't get it out of my head, but i picture him with all these people and it makes my stomache turn. is there something wrong with this thought process? He has been checked and is clean so no worries there, but i guess I'm old fashioned in thinking that sex is not something that "just happens"
even if it is out of loneliness. What are your thoughts?
is it shallow to let it bother me to where I feel i want to dump him?
imput would be appreciated. maybe its a matter of compatibility

Answer 1

hey leave the past in the past
and think about the here and now

Answer 2

You are right and he is right. Your old fashioned and it sounds like he was a hornball. I'm the same as you, I don't believe it "just happens". But thats me. Need to feel something with the other person truly before there is any contact. But others may think differently, whether it be man or woman, they should be able to express they're sexuality freely without being labeled a slut or a man whore. You just need to make sure he's done roaming and wants to commit to you, because if he loves you he'll have no need for other women. Make sure he's not a sex "addict". bad news for you if so....

Answer 3

I sooo went through that. It sucks, and yah it gave me a little push when the idea of dumping him came around. Theres not much to suggest to you. Like you said, past is past. Leave it there or it will haunt you. However, reading your question, when you mentioned the stomach turning, dang. Been there and because of that, lost alot of trust. (Then again my Ex Jerk didnt deserve all the trust-so I came to find out.) Anyways, if thats the worst thing that bothers you, stay. Learn to get over it. If theres more TERRIBLE things that you also get nautious over, drop him in a heartbeat. Goodluck either way. Hope it all works out.

Answer 4

It's not shallow, but you should try not to let it bother you. The best thing to do is to have a visit or two with a counselor to see if you can modify your thinking about this. I don't think it was a good idea for him to divulge this to you, though; to tell you the number of women he's been with. I don't even know the answer to that for my ex-husband or current partner. It's not something that bothers me, though. I have not had many, and I don't really care that they have (or have not) because I didn't even know them then. I think it would be best for you and your relationship with your boyfriend if you could verbalize your feelings and the root of them to a professional and work through them and try to alter your thought patterns naturally. It can be done. Good luck. :)

Answer 5

I think you are afraid that if he has had so many sexual encounters in the past, that he is likely to cheat on you. I wonder if he could be exaggerating or lying? If not, you might want to find someone who was not so promiscuous. I don't think something like that just goes away. Good luck. Usually a woman's intuition about things is pretty right on.

Answer 6

I know exactly what you are going through....and you have to be honest with yourself and go with your heart. Yeah he's been around the block but it hasn't even been a year and you are ALREADY living with him? I think you should of thought about how you felt about that issue before you included yourself in the count. but maybe it was "just sex" with the other girls and now that hes with you it could be love; people search for LOVE in many ways and in many places.....your man just decided to search for it between the sheets...

Answer 7

OK, i know how you feel on both ends of the spectrum. it will take a long time for him to be able to prove to you that you're the only one he wants to be with. it is perfectly normal to have those thoughts you have though! hell, its called jealousy lol and it happens to everyone. you cant control it. i hate to admit, but i have to say that i was once in ur bf shoes... i was out of control. but we grow older and wiser and learn from our mistakes, and now i have a beautiful baby with my bf that ive been with for 3 yrs. and i can tell were always gonna be together. i hope i answered your question without rambling on to much! lol i wish you the best.

Answer 8

Listen I've been w/ my wife for over 5 years, before her i was w/ 6 girls by the age of 17(she was innocent). she always wanted to know about the times i was with the other girls then it would eat her up for a few days. my advice is to be understanding of his past, don't dig into a pit that will bury you. if you don't want to think about it don't.and it isn't your fault either.

Answer 9

As long as he is "clean," you should be ok. However, the best advice I can give is to not think about those other people. Another important thing to ask yourself is, did he have these other partners while he was with someone?

Answer 10

No. I wouldn't want my girlfriend to have had sex with a bunch of guys.. 2 is my limit. If not she's just a s.l.u.t. Okay.. Maybe not two.. But still. It's not shallow.

Answer 11

You said it, "past is past" and what he had done belongs to him and him alone before you got to know him. If he cheats on you now then dump and discard him like you would to an old shoe.