2006-07-24 21:37:39 · 9 answers · asked by clara 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Have a search for a joke called 'The Aristocrats' - it's a long-running joke told by comedians to each other, and gets pretty obscene. If you can find the South Park clip of it, it's very funny - but in pretty bad taste ;)
2006-07-24 21:41:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 VERY offensive jokes.
First one-
A pregnant woman is rushed to hospital to give birth, the labour is a difficult one and she is given a large amount of drugs. Finally, on delivery she collapses with exhaustion into a deep sleep, before she has even seen the child.
She wakes up to see a Doctor next to her. Shaking herself awake, she asks after the baby. The doctor hesitates.
'Which would you like to hear first, the good news or the bad news?'
The lady panics. But then, preparing herself for the worst, asks to hear the bad news first.
'I'm afraid your baby has ginger hair.'
The lady then takes a deep breath, swallows and queitly asks what the good news is.
'It's dead.'
Man, I feel awful just telling that joke.
the second one -
A Lady goes to the Doctor because she has been having a large amount of bloating and lower stomach pain. The Doctor runs some tests and comes into the waiting room with a big grin.
'I hope you like chanigng nappies!' He says jovially
'Why, am I pregnant?' She says, overwhelmed with joy
'No, you have bowell cancer!'
Oh god people, I am sorry. Those were awful. I just remember them because they're so nasty. Im a really nice guy at heart, I promise.
Ahhh poo. Am I hellbound now?
2006-07-24 21:52:18 · answer #2 · answered by Caffeine Fiend 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
He: So what do you do for a living?
She: Female impersonator.
"Is this seat empty?"
"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
"So, wanna go back to my place?"
"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
"I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
"It's in the phone book."
"But I don't know your name."
"That's in the phone book too."
"What sign were you born under?"
"No Parking."
"I know how to please a woman."
"Then please leave me alone."
"Haven't we met before?"
"Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
"I want to give myself to you."
"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
"I can tell that you want me."
"Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you... to leave."
"Hey, baby, What's your sign?"
"Stop."
"Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"May I see you pretty soon?"
"Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
"Your body is like a temple."
"Sorry, there are no services today."
"I'd go through anything for you."
"Good! Let's start with your bank account."
"I would go to the end of the world for you."
"Yes, but would you stay there?"
Guy: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore."
"Your place or mine?"
"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
He: So, wanna go back to my place?
She: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
After hearing a pickup line:
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
If you are looking at a girl and she says "What are you looking at?"
say "I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken."
He: Would you like to dance?
She: Not with you.
He: Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did.
He: Do you wanna dance?
She: Yeah but not with you!
He: You must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!
Q: Does beauty run in your family?
A: It obviously doesn't in yours!
Q: What's your name sexy?
A: Taken!
2006-07-24 21:48:11 · answer #3 · answered by ♥♥♥H뮧hË¥™♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you call a smart midget with an STD? vvvvvv
A cunning runt, with a running c*nt.
2006-07-24 21:43:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok this is funny and offensive but you asked for it. this girl wants to go to the movies but doesnt have any money. so she says hey dad can i have 10 bucks to go to the movies, and he says sure if you suck my di.ck. she says no way and leaves. a few minutes later she comes back and again asks for 10 bucks to go to the movies, and he says yah if you suck my di.ck. she again says no way and he says well i guess youre not going to the movies then. she really wants to go bad so she agrees. she gets on her knees and just puts her mouth on his co.ck and then she pulls her head back really fast and says gross dad youre di.ck tastes like sh.it. and he says yeah youre brother wanted to go to the movies too.
2006-07-24 21:49:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I once saved a woman from being raped....took a cold shower
2006-07-24 21:43:02 · answer #6 · answered by Bryn H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is black, white, red, black, white, red, black, white, red, etc?
A nun rolling down a hill with her ti ts cut off!
2006-07-24 21:43:00 · answer #7 · answered by old dude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
were is the ring of feathers, round a ducks ****
2006-07-26 03:24:44 · answer #8 · answered by firepower06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think i was the person that didn't like tamara
she is nuts
2006-07-24 21:41:37 · answer #9 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋