How to correct my daughter without being harsh?

Question

My 13 yo daughter is lovely, respectful, get good grades, a sweetheart and a bit crazy. Today she gave in to peer pressure and went to a mall with some friends in the car of a 19 yo boy we havent heard of. She knew she couldnt do that, but..I got to know cause she called me and asked me to get her at the mall. She told the truth, apologized, said she acted without thinking and promised not to do that again, But as a mom I have to correct her, it's the hard part. Even harder after her sincere sorry mom, didnt mean to hurt you. But till Saturday 6 pm after homework she'll do some chores in the kitchen, thing she hates. She'll exchange swimming and hanging out with friends for a sweet kitchen pinafore, lol. Of course I heard that Oh mom, please, but I just said, sorry hun, I love ya, youre a wonderful girl but needs a lesson. Thats how its gonna be. I wont forbid email, TV, etc, just want to give her a motherly lesson. But Im afraid Im being harsh, hope she doesnt get resentful

Answer 1

Your daughter sounds like a beautiful, wonderful person and you are truly blessed to have such a well behaved one.

You also sound like a very level headed, down to Earth Mother and I think that your punishment suits the crime very well. That is exactly what I would have done, but I would also have banned the computer too! I think she is giving herself the main punishment by the feeling that she has let you down.

Don't be hard on yourself. You are just showing your daughter that if she breaks the rules, there will be consequences. That's what us mothers are for. To show them right from wrong.

Answer 2

Meshy, you've got nothing to worry about. Sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders, but everybody makes mistakes.

You should stick to your guns, for now, for two reasons:

First, you certainly don't want her to feel like you can be guilted into easing up her punishment (which, by the way, is nowhere near as severe as anything many parents would have done in this era of 24-hour CourtTV abduction watches).

Second, what she did was wrong, pure and simple. If she didn't know it was wrong, she wouldn't have offered an unprompted apology when faced with the facts.

Peer pressure is hard to resist, and I think you need to talk to her about how next time she may be pressured into smoking, drugs, or sex--not just driving to the mall with a 19 year old. Have the talk with her on Wednesday or Thursday. If she's receptive, let her off the hook. If not, you've still had an important talk, and she'll learn her lesson in the kitchen.

Congrats, you've raised a bright young woman who, like all of us, just makes a mistake now and then.

Answer 3

I don't know if punishing her is best. If she's such a good girl, as you describe, then why are you treating her as if she is a bad girl? Hasn't she earned an infrequent indiscretion? This was a violation, not a flagrant foul. No one's been harmed.

She's 13, Meshy, her experience in the world is still shallow. You told her not to do it, and she did it. So now, re-explain the entire rule to her, and the reason why it's important. Do it thoroughly, and as though she's going to have to take a test on it. Even to the point that she can recite it back to you. Your role is to make sure you've done your part to deliver the message, not just the rule. Her part (not yours) is to get it. You can't make her get it. If you continue to punish her, it will seem that everything that she's become up to that day is meaningless because you regard the indiscretion as more important.

She's your daughter 2nd, and she's a person 1st. You can steer her in the right direction, but she has to ultimately experience life on her own terms. Wisdom begets wise choices. Teach her to be wise. :)

Answer 4

I don't hear anything too harsh there.
It sounds like you and your daughter have a lot of respect for each other.
She seems well grounded and understood what she did wrong so I am sure she will understand why she has to forgo a couple of privaleges.
Its all about trust, she broke yours and now she probably realises she has to be 'punished'.
I concur with everything you have done and it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job raising her!
At least you did'nt go off the deep end and yell and rant and rave at her and ground her for weeks, then she will probably resent you. But I think she will respect the reasons why and get on with her life!
Good luck in the future when she branches out and tries all those other things that she is probably not supposed to do!

Answer 5

Your option to no longer be harsh and self-discipline her is selfish. Your no longer sorting out to your daughter, your attempting to make it less complicated on you. She desires a make certain, no longer a pal. such multiple mom and dad do no longer use lots self-discipline with their young infants growing to be up and then while they're infants, swiftly they think of all promptly they alter into undesirable. It did no longer take place in one day; you merely chosen to no longer comprehend it. on account that while is self-discipline undesirable? Harsh? Do it if mandatory. don't be her chum or chum; be her make certain. Set the guidelines and dont' backpedal. you do no longer prefer to admit it yet this merely did no longer take place. could you fairly be harsh, or enable her to be a decrease than the impression of alcohol, drug addict or a young person mom. it's time to get real. Do regardless of it takes. don't be a funky grownup; be an excellent make certain. this is approximately your daughter and not what makes you look the superb or what's easiest for you. 13 y/o and ingesting? Ouch. it's time to get real. You reported,"i prefer to self-discipline her yet do it in a non harsh and advantageous way?". that's all approximately you. No toddler likes self-discipline while it happens, and he or she'll inform you she hates you; yet interior the top they savour it because of the fact it creates a happier environment and the affection and subject they experience from you will make you closer. Dr. Phil has completed a number of shows on mom and dad that are unfavourable at self-discipline. circulate on his website. i'm no longer a large Dr. Phil fan however the alterations interior the families have been magnificent. self-discipline isn't undesirable. the superb love a make certain can coach in specific situations is asserting no. Be a make certain, to your childs sake. It heavily isn't user-friendly yet in specific situations this is no longer.

Answer 6

Well Done!
I think she is old enough to well know what the consequences of such behaviour could be. And I'm not talking about extra chores. She knows how disappointed you were by her decision. She was wise enough to call you. So she obviously, was well aware of her error. Thank goodness she did call you and that she wasn't hurt this time. I think with her owning up to her mistake and accepting responsibility and Your giving her extra chores for breaking your rules, there wont be a next time. Kudos to you! Sounds like you've raised a good girl!

Answer 7

Well, sometimes you have to be a little strict but off course not harsh. Reason with her and always emphasis that you trust her but you don't trust strangers who may hurt her. All lot of bad news have been published so you just want her to be aware and you do not want to lose her just because she has made such a tiny mistake and you do not expect such a tinry mistaken may even cost her her life. Tell her that is because you love her that makes you worried about her all the time.

Answer 8

im sorry but rules are rules. what if your daughter was in a crash? got kidnapped? raped by the 19yo boy? got drunk? smoked cigarettes? all these things happen under peer pressure and wanting to be mischievous and cool. how would u feel then? don't back down or feel gushy your teen is lovely and perfect...but she isn't and needs a lesson to prepare her for not doing dumb things she isn't suppose to...

mom, these are trying times esp when having a teenager. i know i drove my parents crazy in the worse way when i was a teen. even though i am level-headed and now in my twenties only experience has taught me that to stay calm and act my age. so, as a parent u need to put your foot down whenever/wherever the situation calls for it.

Answer 9

hey ur fine okay i mean ya she'll hate it but i'm purty sure she won't do it again knowing the concequences

i'm 12 and when i was 10 i got a myspace which she told me NOT to get
my sis found out and told my mom and showed her my myspace

my concequence was no cell phone or computer
(i was usually on my computer for about 5 hours a day and my cell i always texted and called my friends)

so it was devastating to me
and the worse part is that she wouldn't tell me when i could have it back.....

now anything she tells me not to do I DON'T DO
i just beg until she says yes

: ]

hoped that helped in any way

Answer 10

If you think you're being harsh, she'll read right thru that.
Sounds like you've done a great job so far. Dont change a thing.
And dont cave. And DONT dispair when she turns really ugly in a cupla years. 15 is the pits! Prepare yourself. :)