With time, I've always grown to become a very naive person. I've allowed people to walk all over me, take advantage of me...that is according to ones who know me best. They've made me realize that sometimes I am allowed to step up and say what it is I have to say even if it might hurt them. Thing is, I can't be the most direct person. Sometimes if something is wrong I can't say it. I just act like it's okay. Now, I need tips on learning how to speak up for my own sake. Any advice? Second thing is, whenever I go out with people and I know people will be drinking, I always get the feeling that I have to play babysitter. I just feel like its my responsibility to watch over them so they dont get hurt. My friend has warned me that I should stop and not worry, have fun and let loose, because at some point in my life, he knows I will regret it. He doesn't want me to make the same mistakes he does..I know he's right though. How can I learn to stop worrying and feel like I have to babysitt?
2006-07-24 19:30:36 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
To stop worrying, it requires a change in mentality. You have to come to terms with whatever is on your mind. In this case, it's apparently about your friends endangering themselves. My advice is, if they're worrying you that much, ask them to be more responsible. Your alternative is to stop worrying about it, and either have some fun or continue to babysit.
To become honest, you just have to start telling the truth. The whole truth, about everything you've ever wanted to say to them. It depends on how much you care they'll respond, but some things need to be said, and if you feel it's your place to say them, do so. It's necessary.
It's very hard to talk this over, but basically, just don't stress out too much. It's a good thing you're being responsible though- your friends will thank you for it. You're trustworthy, and reliable. Be proud of yourself for that much, and don't stress out too much.
2006-07-24 19:37:06 · answer #1 · answered by Link 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as the babysitting goes... it'll be hard for you to be able to let go, but you can do it with practice. Next time you go out with them, have a drink yourself and try to have fun. As long as you and your friends are drinking responsibly (choosing a DD, taking a taxi, etc) you'll do fine. I have a friend that insists on being the "mom" when we're at a party- telling other friends to stop drinking, monitoring everyone's drinks... and to be quite honest, it's annoying. It's stressful for her, and annoying for us. If you still don't feel comfortable, see if you can find something else to do with those friends, like going to a nice restaurant downtown or seeing a new movie. That way, the stress of being the babysitter is gone.
As far as being assertive goes, first of all, read a book called "The Rules". It's about making sure that you find a guy that treats you right, and finding one that truly wants you... not falling into a relationship where a guy is going to walk all over you and not listen to what you are saying. Some of it may seem weird... but the overall message is find a person that wants you... don't settle for someone who is ok. Like the book says, you are "a creature unlike any other!" A good way to start getting your point out there is to start with 'I'. Like, "I don't feel like this is right." And if your friends/boyfriend really care about you, they will say, "ok!"
Good Luck! :)
2006-07-25 18:46:58 · answer #2 · answered by ♫ Abby ♫ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Caring for other people must be a good thing because there are lots of nurses and doctors that we all depend on to "care" for us when we're sick. But your "caring" is different to this, isn't it.
Yours is about boundaries. A boundary is a place where you stop and other people start. Notice the space between you and your friends when you're just standing around. Guess at the number of inches of space. What happens if you double the space? What happens if you halve the space? What do you "feel"?
I know that I can tell a real friend that they have toilet paper sticking to their shoe. But I "feel" uncomfortable telling a stranger especially of the opposite sex.
So, if your boundary is too much a "care-taker", you're probably taking care of your own feelings in the situation. My guy friend was too silly for words in public and my female friend felt uncomfortable about the sillyness.....so she "mothered" us to quit being so silly. Her care-taking was about her fixing the situation and her feelings.
You'll know you've got it right when you can be yourself and let others be themselves.
Cheers
2006-07-25 02:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by Monk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am the same way. i am in my thirties with kids and a husband. i don't go out anymore. i felt as though i had to watch over my friends when we went out. i never changed. and now i realize i was just being responsible and caring. some one had to drive and look out for everybody else. even when one of the others was going to be the designated driver, they figured a few drinks wouldn't hurt. i always ended up driving. as for being a doormat, just be strong and remember that you are entitled to you opinion. and you are allowed to voice it. eventually sticking up for your self will get easier. trust me. i have been where you are.
2006-07-25 02:38:54 · answer #4 · answered by luvbuggies 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should find a group of straight edge friends to hang out with. that way you can be yourself. and not have to worry about your friends. because straight edgers have more fun anyways. and they wont walk all over you. because if your friends realy cared about you. they would be straight edge and look out for you all the time. its great being straight edge. people should encourage their friends to be straight edge. instead of telling them to have fun and let loose all the time. because we know what that means. it means get drunk and make mistakes. youre smart. or you wouldnt have thought to ask the question. so make the right choice and chose to be straight edge. you know you want to!
2006-07-25 02:36:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some times you have to just let go...but you wont because it is who you are...in the words of dante hicks "i crapped my pants becasuse the lid to the toilet was down, which means i dont disturb my surroundings so that i can crap confortably" it your moral fiber, the way you are some times you'll let go, some times you just have to let it rip until you level that scale...or you my friend are just going to explode...boom baby...4 shots of tequila will help....just in case you need some courage...
2006-07-25 02:37:03 · answer #6 · answered by Morgy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋