Ok, my ex, who is the father of my child and was abusive toward me, I left 5 years ago. He hasnt seen his daughter or sent child support..well accept for $20, now wants to see her on a regular basis and wants his girlfriend to be involved as well. I never stopped him from seeing her before, he just chose not to. I'm so leery about this. Should I let him see her, after all these years, she is attached to my fiancee' and calls him dad. I'm confused!!!!!
2006-07-24 18:48:16 · 19 answers · asked by bbsweets_77 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
my daughter is only 6 yrs old
2006-07-24 19:17:54 · update #1
well first off honey....you need to file child support if you haven't already. Secondly, your x...your childs father at this point has nooo say.... what gives him the right NOW at this point to want to see YOUR CHILD? Ofcourse it is his child as Well...but you have to ask yourself a question and the question is....why does WHY....does he now want to see his kid? Is it cause he has a girlfriend? and forgive me for saying....screw that....but his girlfriend has NOOO RIGHTS..to your child and I WOULD NOT EVER....let my childs father see his kid with his girlfriend around since he hasn't wanted to see her for years and 20 bucks later... tell him you will see him in court!!! This is such Bullshit.....Pisses me Off!
I am a total advocate of the father/dad being involved but certainly not under these circumstances. It actually saddens me..cause what about your kid? your child doesn't even know this soo called father/daddy...and especially now his stupid girlfriend? I would ask why all of a sudden he or she wants to see your kid?
If you are truly getting married then you should discuss this with your fiance...and not sure how old your child is NOW....but...the reality unfortunately is that maybe you should not have allowed your kid to call your fiance daddy...since this **** might have happenned sooner or later.
uggh....these men that have kids and leave the mom (which is you) and then want to decide to come back into their life 5 damm years later. It isn't fair to your child nor is it fair to your fiance...
Please go to a counselor before you let this apparent low life see his kid...Yours more than him. Just ask him....where was he when you needed to buy diapers, jammies or formula?
Please if you want to email me go right ahead.....Stay Strong and just do what is in your heart...NO M ATTER WHAT.
2006-07-24 19:24:53 · answer #1 · answered by krYpToNitEsMoM 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough spot to be in. First if your daughter is 6 and he hasn't seen her in 5 years then she has no ideal who he is. A child has the right to know their father BUT only if he is going to be a permanant part of her life. Tell him if he wants to be in her life then he is going to start supporting her as well and it will be supervised short visits to start with. Get it all in writing and if you have to get an attorney. Chances are if you hit him with child support and the back support he will walk away. With the past history of abuse I would gt to know his girlfriend and see if she was someone I could trust with my child. You and your fiancee have got to make sure that your daughter is protected and knows that no matter what she is loved and there is no reason she can't still thnk of him as her dad. Good Luck to you.
2006-07-25 15:18:11 · answer #2 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let him see her if he has choose not to see her this long. You need to talk either with the judge or an attorney about this matter if there is a court order.I am going through the same thing right now myself but there is not court order so I have it a little easier plus my boyfriend now has him scared to even step foot on our property. You need to do what you think is best for you daughter. Think of how she would feel to go without him in her life and then just be thrown back into the situation all of a sudden. You know what is best for you daughter. Good Luck and wish you the very best.
2006-07-24 19:09:56 · answer #3 · answered by crystal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LAWYER LAWYER LAWYER!!! I have been in this situation, my daughter is 8 and when she was 3 I let her start going to her sperm donors (he doesn't deserve to be called dad) for short periods (he wanted nothing to do with her until he got a girlfriend). Biggest mistake of my life, lots of things happened that shouldn't have and it was horrible experience for me and my daughter. My boyfriend is who she has called daddy since she was 3 and it will be over my dead body before her biological father ever sees her again. Definitely get some legal advice and I agree with maybe talking with a counselor about how this might make you daughter feel. I sure wish I would have......
2006-07-25 12:18:34 · answer #4 · answered by missthing61298 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do everything by the books;
If you have custody then he needs to petition the courts. If not then file for a motion of custody, visitation and support. See the mediator, to talk it over. From now on start writing down every time he calls and the content of the conversation. you can request that the girlfriend be lifescanned. Just because he "knows" her doesn't mean he KNOWS her.
God Bless you!
2006-07-24 19:05:55 · answer #5 · answered by girlsm9frmgod 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is her father, so he has the right to see her. He's probably curious what she's like. I can think of numerous examples of people I know who got to meet their father or child long after they grew up, and even though they chose not to continue the relationship, were glad they finally met. I realize your daughter is still pretty young. Tell her that if he does anything abusive to her, that she should tell you ASAP.
2006-07-24 18:58:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, it depends on your daughter. just because he was abusive towards you doesn't mean he will be to your daughter. my dad beat my mom and loved us more than anything and never laid a hand on me or my brother. i mean he should've been helping you financially and seeing his daughter on a regular basis but maybe he need to get his life straight. i don't know but if your daughter is old enough to know how she feels about him then let her see him if she wants to. don't force her. if she's younger, let her see him a little bit at a time and see how it works out. i would definitely get a child support order and then proceed with a custody order depending on how he acts.
2006-07-24 18:58:22 · answer #7 · answered by mzgriffin04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, Well, I think this will depend on two things:
1- How old is your daughter so that weather she will understand the situation which she has to soon or later.
2- How far you are ready to explain the whole matter wisely to her, especially with your new relation with your fiance who should also consider such thing to build a strong relation with you based on full understanding and cooperation to make the new born relation succeed.
Hope this will give you a hint or clue.
Please accept my regards.
Sameh
2006-07-24 18:57:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt let her see him. I went thru the same thing with my daughter's sperm donor. You can take him to court and get full custody and make sure you explain the abuse.And tell them you fear for your childs life. Besides that if he hears the word court he will more then likely back off because they will also stick him for all the back child support
2006-07-24 18:56:22 · answer #9 · answered by tebone0315 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, this is a legal question. You need legal help. If you can't afford it, try to find some sort of legal aid help in your town or area.
I am thinking the father will have visitation rights if he wants them This will backfire on him as he has not paid like he should.
Real sticky issues there, Sis. Good luck with that.
2006-07-24 18:54:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋