Why do these dumb things hurt so much?

Question

I am going to tell you a bit about my life and I want you to tell me if I am as pathetic or even more pathetic than I think I am. Also don’t tell me to see a doc, I know this and I have to wait till after I see my endo doc, after I see him I can then see the mental doc.

Any how my questions are why do these trivial things hurt so much and why cant I forget them? They are so minute but I am hurt by them.

The things I refer too are these, about a year ago, I was disqualified from the army and after being Dqed I sent on a self-destructive streak. During the last few months of my senior, my grades went from Cs and Ds to Fs and Ds and I barely graduated. After that I sat on my *** wanting to die and I cant remember if I actually tried suicide or just came close to being 100% cretin (the suicide part does not bother me I have never felt bad about thing about suicide) around last august I was convinced by a friend to go to a job core enter and I did. During my 5 months there I be came

even more angry and violent and got kicked out for assault with a deadly weapon (I was a well liked student so no charges were made) after that I came home got my contractors license and in June started my first term of community college.

Another problem I have is my unreasonable sadness about hurting one of my girl friends (emotionally) and when I came back from job core the 2nd girl friend just all but completely stopped talking to me (she’s the one that convinced me to go to job core). What makes this all worse is the fact that is 20 years both of the girl friends I have had were bother over the net.

The last thing that bothers me is that I cannot see to change my violent mind, before I got DQed from the army, I have a violent mine but aver the past year it has become more violent. Before I cared about those who deserved to dies and those who do not but now I really do not care and just want every one dead.

I do not know about you but on a scale from 1-10 one being

one being not pathetic and 10 being 100% worthless, I would say I am a 9.

during my senior year i med it to MEPS and 2 weeks later was DQed. i was 18 during my senior year so i was able to try and enlist

Answer 1

just dont kill anyone ok thanks

Answer 2

To answer your question to why these things hurt so much i would say it is because when you got Dqued from the army you might have felt shame on yourself that you didn´t make it that you weren´t good enough, that you weren´t enough of a man or person to make it. And then everytime you think about all the decisions you made afterward because of it.....you feel even deeper shame and disgrace and you yourself start believing that you are pathetic and weak or stupid etc. And so these ideas and emotions cause you that great pain.

But you must also not think that the events in your life are dumb things....because if getting into the army and staying in the army was your dream and your ultimate goal or if it meant a lot to you then losing it over being disqualified is not dumb.....you had a right to react they way you did.....maybe not as intense....but still feel really shattered by it.

Yet you can´t let the past keep interfering what you are doing now, how you are living now. Your decision to see a doctor is wise and i honor you for deciding to go through with your choice and it will help you see your situation in a differnt light and maybe help you change if that is what you want. But you can only change if you yourself allow it to happen.

Look and from what i am seeing you are not pathetic, you WERE pathetic your rating on how you used to be is correct, but that is how you WERE not what you ARE now. Just stop being so harsh on yourself, yes you made mistakes in your life, and let me say that they were HUGE mistakes yet who hasn´t and who won´t? I almost got kicked out of school because i didn´t hand in an english final that would decide my whole grade for the year and werever i will be placed next year, and i ended up skipping class to hide out in the bathroom so i wouldn´t have to face my teacher.....it got very messy and complicated ending up with me having to see my counselor and my english teacher and a call to the english department.....in the end i had to face what i did and i am still in the same school to this day.
You just can´t punch yourself down on almost every defect or mistake you do.....because it is natural for everyone to make mistakes....any mistakes....big or small....so to sum things up i don´t think your pathetic and i think after your whole situations you are making decisions to make yourself a better person, and that makes you noble not pathetic.

Stop beating yourself up so hard it´s all gonna be okay and i hope your life works out :)

Answer 3

#1 - You are stuck in a pattern of negative thinking. Try to think of at least one positive thing today, two tomorrow, three the next day, etc until you change your habit. When you see the mental health people, hopefully you will get some counseling for this.

#2 - Life is NOT all about you. Do some things that get your mind off of poor you. Do something nice for someone else, and you will feel better.

#3 - You are NEVER worthless or hopeless. There is no one like you and God has a plan for you to have a good life. Professional help along with spiritual help is what you need. Try a Christian church or fellowship, and see the web site below.

Hang in there. It WILL get better.

Answer 4

I don't think you are worthless. If you feel sadness that you think is unreasonable and have had a violient tendency in the way you think it could be a chemical imbalance. If you didn't even feel sad at all about emotionally hurting someone it would be different, but you do have a consciousness about it. That's good. It's also good that you will be talking to a doctor. Don't diminish yourself or think you are pathetic. Things can get better. I hope it works out for you. Take care of yourself!

Answer 5

I don't think you're pathetic at all. While what you have done may not be too cool, I think your feelings about those things are normal. Now I'm no doc. but that's my opinion.

You say you will see someone about this? If that is the truth, and you want to figure out what is going on with your head, you will. Just keep the anger in check until you can figure it all out with help. You're already thinking about whats wrong and to me that says good things about your future. Many people do not even consider the feelings they have. Those people are the truly helpless; not you.

Answer 6

i am sorry you are in pain. i hope talking to a therapist brings you some clarity and relief - it definitely should, but it may take some work on your part. it sounds like there may be deep issues from way back (childhood, family issues?) that have contributed to the violent tendencies. i had a feeling they existed before you even disclosed them, since you came off as somewhat "touchy" about getting dq'd from the army.. and i have a theory that many men choose the army as an outlet for anger issues. (if they are rejected, they are hurt because it seems to suggest their masculinity is in question. sorry if this offends anyone - just my opinion). just please try to remember you are young and there is PLENTY of time in your life to get back on track and "start fresh". it might not seem easy or possible right now, but it can happen. try to change your perspective on things... you can have compassion and joy in your life if you change your outlook a bit, and seeing a professional will definitely help you to do this. best to you.

Answer 7

You're just depressed that's all. I don't see why you can't join the army. If you just got out of college, I'd assume that you are about 19. 19 is an age where you can join the army and they would probably love to take you. Unless offcourse you have a health problem. Don't worry you are not pathetic. Just try and fix your life instead of feel sorry for yourself. You will be proud of yourself once you fix your life up a little. Just do what you wanna do and you'll be happy. And if you can't do it, you'll be proud of yourself for trying.

Answer 8

There is a old Chinese proverb saying..."all crows look the same from heaven".Translation... We all are going through, or have gone through the same emotions your going through, we are no different. we are all the same.." You know what baby...its all up to you if you "want to be happy about anything in his world". It does not have to be a big thing...it can be small, but as long as it makes you smile for five minutes your on the path toward healing....your worth the every bit of oxygen that flows in your beautiful lungs...good luck.

Answer 9

first of all no one else can change you, you do it your self. second thing is if you dont care what happens to others, you have no respect for anyone else, including you. You need to believe that if it werent for that person or that person i wouldnt be here. If that makes sense. Even if you fell like no one loves, you likes you, or care about you, your wrong. There will always be someone that has feelings enough to care for you. I hope you do better. Good luck.

Answer 10

Okay, now I'm not believing your story. You can't be a senior in high school and be enlisted in the Army and disqualified from it, unless you never made it past enlistment, of which you can do in the senior year.

Can you clarify this?

Answer 11

naturally, they hurt; they are disappointments....
all human beings have the same needs......what differs is how we try to meet those needs.....
see cnvc.org

Anger is NOT caused by what someone else does or says - It is caused by what you THINK ABOUT what someone did or said!!! People are buttheads all the time.....But it gets to you IF you say to yourself THEY SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THAT~! You think people should know better; but, they don't!
When you realize you have no control over what others DO ; but, you DO have control over what you THINK about what they do. This puts YOU in control over your own emotions!!! It's empowering..... You can say, "hey, I don't like what she just said, but she just doesn't know any better!" In other words, cut people some slack;
Cut yourself some slack, too. Don't expect to be good at this overnight; just say "Oops, I just let that get to me again!" " Let's see, what could I think about this to feel better?"