Should I take my ex back?

Question

I am 6 months pregnant expecting my first child a son in October. My ex dumped me the first Saturday in June he said that I am to hormonal and I was to bitchy. He then had the nerve to tell me that he didnt think that the baby was his. Now he is sorry and he wants me to take him back but I feel that I shouldnt because of the way he acted. Should I forgive and forget and accpet him back? I have also decieded to give the child my last name instead of his is that a mistake as well? Please someone help me figure this mess.

I forgot to mention that at one time he sent me nasty emails about how I and the baby are better off dead.

Answer 1

You are completely right, and good job for standing up for yourself. I believe you did yourself a favor and let a man go who is not being sensitive to you. If you hadn't things could have gotten worse and your child stuck in the middle of verbal abuse, worse yet he/she could learn this behavior from him. Congrats and don't take him back. Tell him some therapy might do him good.

Answer 2

I`m not sure if you should....I just lived the same situation as you and gave him chances until she was born (last month), thinking it was the right thing to do. I took him back (more than once) because, once I forgave him, my " hormones" were still there and were still the blame for any disagreement we had. I still love him and feel like I have to keep him in my life because of our daughter. But now the situation is WAY more complicated because he was there at the birth and is in love with her. I wish I had never taken him back to avoid all the headaches from the first break up until now.

The best thing I did was to give her my last name. He has no parental rights and I don`t feel bad about it at all because, I`m raising her alone, paying for everything, losing sleep to feed her, hold her, love her 24 hrs a day and he`s not. I am so proud to be a full time Mother and I am now ashamed of him. He`s living on his own, going boating, rollerblading, going out with his friends, getting a full night`s sleep...yes, all the freedom. He, of course, wants to see her when he wants and acts like he`s the best «Dad in the world!!! He`s not there enough to be called Dad and she deserves better. Being a father is not a right, its a gift.

Take him back once if you want t try, but if he starts again saying the same things, tell yourself, its not going to stop. You and that child deserve better than a man that can`t handle the responsibilities and doesn`t care enough about his girlfriend to support her with everything she`s going through physically and emotionally. Once a coward, always a coward. I had to learn the hard way....

Good luck and congratulations...xox

Answer 3

Your child needs a father and a mother. You two need to be together and you two need to get into marriage counseling to make sure you love and raise your child together. The fact is women do get hormonal and bitchy during pregnancy and you'll probably be that way for a number of months after. You need to realize this and work extra hard to be a good wife to your husband, if you want to keep him. He needs to understand and love,protect, provide and care for you, but he does not need to be treated like dirt because you are pregnant and hormonal. There are two sides and you both must meet in the middle so that your child has a mother and a father.

Answer 4

If you're asking this question, you already have your answer. It should be obvious but whatever we're going to say to you will probably make no difference.

Um, shouldn't this be about the health and well-being of your son and not for your "ex's" sake or "your" sake?

Why do people always forget about their children but they never manage to forget about themselves?!

He dumped you AND his son, and now you question if you should "take him back"?!! This is not some middle-school romance!

Then there's the pettiness over the name?!

There is a child involved! A child - as in someone who is totally dependent on the parent(s) for their sustinence until they can be on their own.

You both need to be in therapy and you both need to grow up! Then you should think about how you are going to raise your son so he can be a responsible member of the human race.

Answer 5

This is a yucky time to have him acting like a jerk. Give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe he acted stupid because he was scared and shocked. However....I think I would really take stock of this relationship because what was not a big deal before can be a deal breaker when there's a child involved. You have about
2- 1/2 months before your baby is born... don't bring him/her into a life filled with drama, so do some serious thinking.

Answer 6

Whether you take him in or not, you're still going to have a relationship with him. After all, you're having his child. And don't believe that just because he accused you of cheating when he was angry, he doesn't think it's true. Anger brings out honesty. And even though he appologised for his words, in the back of his mind, there will always be The Doubt. He will always be asking himself, ' Is this child really mine?' My advice to you. Get rid of it that doubt. Take a paternity test when it's time. I'm not saying this to be harsh. If you do take him back, then the doubt is gone, and you'll be in a better position to make your family work. If you decide not to, sue him. Child support, alimony if possible. And he can't do a thing.

Answer 7

This is not the mess you think it is. You must not return to a realtionship with this boy/man. Make sure you are in the care of a physican and you must see a lawyer about making the "father" of this child pay support for this child. It doesn't matter if he wants you back now -- it does matter that he treated you so badly to begin with. Raise the chlid with your own name, get court ordered support, and get on with your new life with your new baby. Go for it and good luck. This can be done! Keep thinking about your child -- it is the child you must put first now, not this moody, wishy-washy "Man" who can't figure out what he wants from one day to the next.

Answer 8

Chances are he has already gone and done some hurtful/unfaithful things so are you ready to deal with that?Are you ready for him to not man up to his rsponsibilities and leave you hurt again? I would say dont get back with him immediately...Watch his actions over the next few months, give eachother to fell eachother out again rather than jumping into a relationship with expectations that will only cause pressure/stress. Accept him in your life as the father of your child and let him be that foremost. The last name thing is kind of an identification deal with the child as it gets older, just compromise and give your last name as the middle name.

Answer 9

I AGREE WITH BLUEJAY.....plus, Maybe he wants to work things out? have he been changing for the BETTER or WORST? you should know how he is, you both should sit down and talk to work it out. maybe he wants a family and he finally grew out of being immature and thats why he say all those things to you cuz he was SCARED to take responsibility and saying that the baby isn't his, means he just don't TRUST you. if he is still immature, then no point of letting him be a part of the child's life. you don't want your child to grow up suffering with him if he is bad. unless he is just coming back because he don't want to pay CHILD SUPPORT. Every guys knows thats the consequences. you just have to ask yourself these question:

1. Did/would he change for the better?
2. Can/Will he support the two of you?
3. Did he explain his reasons why he want you back? and is it understandable?
4. Will he finally Stand UP and be a MAN!!!

I know you will MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION.

Answer 10

No way. Do you really want to raise a child with someone like that? You should definitely do a praternity test to prove it for the child support, because you'll need that. What you don't need is to raise a child with someone who is so obviously immature, disrespectful, uncaring, and irresponsible. Your child should only see you involved with a partner who loves you, respects you, and supports you. If not, you're better off single. You have to think of the child's need above your own now. Hopefully you have a support system of friends and family......