I'm 18 and my boyfriend is almost 20. We live in different towns. I have been able to visit him a few times where he lives. We are truly in love ( I know it seems we are young, but we both have had other relationships and we truly feel this is the one). Now on to the thing I need help with. His mother is very controlling. He lives at home with her, he has had his driving permit for 2 years and only driven 3 time b/c his mom says "you are not ready". She controls every aspect of his life; where he goes, when he goes, and what he does. We have tried to move out about 10 times to go to colleges, living together and in dorms and she deflates every opportunity. My parents have offered to let him to stay at their house until we can raise enough money for our own apartment. They even say they'll help him get his license and when he told her about it, just to visit not to live, she automatically said "no". he wants to come here, but he doesnt want to break ties with her. I need advice. Help.
2006-07-24 17:31:47 · 16 answers · asked by Missy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The boy needs to cut his umbilical cord. But the tricky part is, he has to be the one to make the cut. He has to decide that he's not going to let his mother run his life. He's almost 20; that's old enough to make his own decisions. He should tell his mother that he's doing what he wants, and that's that. Your parents offered him a place to live; so she has no power to make him comply.
Sounds like you need to give him a kick in the *** and a nudge in the right direction. But don't wait forever. Tell him that you are not going to be caught in the middle of him and his mother. You'll never be alone with him otherwise. If he doesn't do it, drop him like a hot potato. (unless you're ok with playing second fiddle to his mother forever). Either way, don't let his mother run your relationship.
2006-07-24 17:34:56 · answer #1 · answered by I Know Nuttin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are hooking up with a mommas boy
he is not a man
but a child at 20
who will not establish himself as a man ( license , job a place of his own ) out of guilt to his mother ( for what ever the reason ), the mother has absolute control over him and he lacks the brass to do anything about it
you have not found the one nor has he at the age of 20
he is incapable of forming any sort of healthy relationship when he can't stand on his own 2 feet
there is no TRY either
either you or him DO live a normal ( read away from good old MIL ) life or you don't, there is no in between
85% of young marriages fail because they lack the maturity ( called mature love ) for the relationship to suceed, such young puppy love intensity cannot be sustain nor will it overcome his HUGE problems of seperation.
you also do not help the situation by allowing him to be this way
look at it this way...
if you are as good as you say you are and basically said when you move out and get a life then he'll think of hooking up with you.. trust me momma could not hold him back...
but i know you give him all kinds of outs and allowances him that allow him to be in his comfort zone with his momma
you need to cut him off 100%
or sleep with him a few times ( use protection )
and THEN cut him off
as nothing motivates more than sex
2006-07-24 17:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to get to the actual problem here, cos you only mentioning the sypmtoms. the mom has an underlying issue of loneliness. she fears that she will be alone if she lets her son go and let him live his life. he has to resassure his mother that no matter what he wont forget bout her if he moves on and out. however, heres the catch, he has to want to! hope this helped
2006-07-24 17:39:27 · answer #3 · answered by marcvialli 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For Pete Sake he's 20 years old.
I think he's old enough to stand up to his mother and go and do what a MAN wants to do. His mother will get over it sooner or later.
2006-07-24 17:41:09 · answer #4 · answered by Andy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have found a MOMMAS boy. If he is not independent enough to balance his mothers feelings and his girlfriends, than he is not the one for you. DO NOT BOTHER GIVING HIM ULTIMATUMS. He needs to cut the apron strings on his own. If you want happiness you will need to find A MAN, not a Momma's Boy.
2006-07-24 17:36:32 · answer #5 · answered by Yourname Here 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is 20 time for him to leave home and make his own family.He just needs to stand up to her and tell her that he is an grown man and tell her he will call and visit when he can.
2006-07-24 17:38:33 · answer #6 · answered by therealhumantorch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot control his mother, you cannot control him. Don't try. You can only control yourself. If he's happy with his mother controlling his life, let him be. If you're not happy with this situation, get out now, because if you get married to this guy, she'll be controlling your life too.
2006-07-24 17:41:59 · answer #7 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girrrrrrrrrllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget that ****! you are never going to get through to him. And if he does end up moving out, that mom is going to hate you. Trust me! Women like that need to get a life! Straight up. Is mommy married? If not, set her up w/someone fast! She needs to mind her own! FTS
2006-07-24 17:43:02 · answer #8 · answered by Brooke's Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell that mangy mutt of a mother to back off or you are calling the aspca if u catch my drift.
2006-07-24 17:36:28 · answer #9 · answered by broadway_boy7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loves you, then he will work it out or work around his mother for his true love.
2006-07-24 17:36:34 · answer #10 · answered by J J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋