Why do I do this to him?

Question

Im really mean to my boyfriend. I dont know why he is great, dont cheat, hes sweet, puts up with all of my sh-it, everything! I use to go out with a really crazy guy for a few years a while back ...he cheated and constantly verbally abused me. Im thinking that my behavior towards my current bf of 2 years has something to do with my ex. I WILL NOT put my guard down for anything for my new bf and he deserves for me to so much but I just cant, Im scared once I let go of being controlling that he will hurt me. Im getting to be a bi-tch to the point where were both in tears. Its not easy for me to just stop I need help and an answer :( advice?

I always feel so bad after I cause fights and physically, and mentaly hurt him over little things when he dont deserve it, I cry and promise to stop....I did a few times but it seems like I always go back to being the same way and eventualy hurting him again then I try to make him feel ike he is the wrong one making excuses for myself...I really need help

Sometimes I feel so bad after we fight I cant even look him in his eyes

keep in mind that wev'e together for 2 years. We are already deeply involved with eachother. And to top it off, he tried being with me when I first got with the abusive guy 8 years ago but I wouldnt leave the crazy one for him

Answer 1

I have my own theory as to why you behave this way to this guy: Because society tells you you can and should treat men this way. Simultaneously, society currently mocks, chastises and scorns men who act this way toward women.

It's an epidemic, in my opinion, and not likely to get any better for men. So sit back, nag, insult, whine and otherwise abuse him, and invent rationalizations like "it's all the ex-boyfriend's fault." The rest of America will give you a pass. It's fashionable to blame men these days.

Answer 2

I know how u feel I'm the same way and I believe it's because where so use 2 being w/bad boys that when a good man like himself come around we don't know how 2 act and before u know it we let them go, however when we look back we ask ourselves y we ever let him go. Ur just scared and that's ok, but I bet ur the 1 who starts the arguing(huh). LOL. If u think he's gonna stick around and ur really starting 2 really care 4 him and he probably don't know that either cuz u play the role of who cares. Grl if he's all about u take it from some1 that knows don't let him go and just tell him it's gonna take a little x and if he's willing 2 wait he's a good 1. Don't regret it like I did in the past. I acted like I didn't care and it got me married just 2 show him I didn't care. However it's been 3yrs and were finally talking again, but not every1 gets that lucky.

Answer 3

This is going to sound really harsh, so forgive me, I don't mean it as cruel, just can't think of any other way to say it. Stop letting the ex rule your life, he is your EX. You are no longer with him. This new guy sounds like an angel, and you will drive him away with your behaviour. Most people out there have been through a painful relationship in the past (I have been nearly killed by an abusive partner) but if you let that person still influence your new relationships then they have won, and your life is ruined forever. Get over it, stop dwelling on the past, stop putting your ex's traits onto your new partner, he is not the same person. Do you want your ex to ruin your life, forever? have more strength of character than that, I know you have it in you. Look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself "I am NEVER going to let that scumbag ruin my life again" and put the thoughts out of your head when they enter it, instead of dwelling on it, the past is the past, forget it, and build a new future together with your new partner.

Answer 4

You really need to change your attitude and behaviour. I lived with a girl and her boyfriend in a shared house. The girl had exactly the same problem as you but she was very self-involved and refused to admit that there was anything wrong. I considered her to be nasty and aggressive and now I can barely speak to her without feeling myself becoming very angry. It's not just your boyfriend that you stand to lose, it's your friends and your boyfriend's mates will hate you too.

The first step is taking responsibility for yourself. You have to realise that you have a choice in what you do and say. Your ex no longer has any relevance in your life. Forget him. If you feel yourself becoming angry breathe in and out again before you answer your boyfriend. This will make you stop and think before you say something in anger that may be hurtful. If you can't think of anything nice to say instead of being angry, then leave the house and go for a walk to calm down. Return when you feel calm and then discuss the problem.

Your behaviour toward your boyfriend is as bad as if your boyfriend was subjecting you to emotional abuse. It is as bad as what your ex did to you. You can't expect him to put up with it. After all, you didn't.

Answer 5

I think your first step is to talk and admit the problem to your current boyfriend. Im sure he will understand. At the same time, you need to give it a while and if hes still that sweet guy then its time to let your guard down. You dont want to loose this guy. Your ex hurt you but dont let that affect your happiness in the long run.

Answer 6

It seem that you really need professional counseling to rid yourself of the fear and anger from your past relationship that was abusive to you. Please do not drive your new friend away with this behavior. Get help for yourself as soon as possible.
Explain this to your new boyfriend so he will understand that this is not about him. Maintain your new friendship but give yourself some time to change before you get too deeply involved into this new relationship and permanently, ruin it.

Answer 7

U have answered ur own question. Stop punishing this new guy for what your ex did to you.
Of course, everyone needs to have a certain level of "guardedness" ; but know that , in every relationship, there is a risk factor involved.
Control ur emotions with prayer and rest, good music...

Answer 8

you need some soul searching. its true the problem is with you and only you can make things better. first give yourself time to forgive and forget your ex, develop a positive self esteem, and begin looking at your man as a different person from your ex.
u can even go for cancelling, read books that will build your esteem, think positively and stop looking at life as if its full of disappointments.
learn from you mistakes and move on.

Answer 9

Watch Dr Phil

Answer 10

Try some counselling for yourself If available , There's no shame in wanting to better yourself on the inside .