So confused!?!?

Question

I am 35 weeks pregnant and I am not with the babies dad anymore and haven't been for over 3 months. We had a huge falling out and I seperated myself from him because of his lifestyle. We rarely even talk and when we do it just turns into a fight. He is 25 years old and has a 17 year old girlfriend, which he was seeing before we split. He hasn't helped me at all during this pregnancy, I have no support from him. He called me the other day and asked me to think about letting him in the room when I deliver the baby. I know that this is his child to, but I feel that I have worked so hard at changing my life for the better to be a good mom for the baby and he hasn't done anything except get a job. I am torn because part of me doesn't want to take the expierience from him but the other part of me feels like he needs to earn the right to be there. I feel like I deserve this, and he deserves nothing. What do I do? I don't know why I care about hurting him, he hasn't cared at all about me. Help

Answer 1

First of all, I commend you for turning your life around. I am sure that you don't want to hurt him and you obviously have or had feelings for him or you wouldn't be pregnant. If he really wants to be there, you need to tell him he needs to make some changes. He may biologically be the father, but your child needs a responsible and loving dad. One who is going to be there no matter what, if he can not do that it is best not even to have him in your child's life at all. He needs to be there permanently or not bother at all. Your life is going to change and that baby is or will be the most important thing and it is your job to protect him or her. You don't want your baby to feel the same abandonment that you did. So put the ball in his court, if he can step up and be a man and start acting like one, then I might consider letting him be around. If you notice no changes at all, then you and your baby will make it on your own just fine... Trust me, you never know what you can do until you try. We are only as strong as we have to be. You wont believe how strong you will be for your child. Good luck...

Answer 2

While child birth is a wonderful experience it is also very stressful. During labor the best thing you can do for yourself and baby is trying to stay relatively calm. If having him in the room would cause more stress then he should not be there, allow him to see the baby right after he or she is born.
Just make sure you are keeping him out of the room for the right reasons i.e. not out of spite or to punish him. its not about earning the right to be there, its about creating the best and healthiest environment to bring the baby in to. The greater the stress the harder the labor. Remember it has only been in the past 2 decades that the father was even ALLOWED in the room.

Answer 3

Well I have to agree with you. You shouldnt care about hurting him. From what it sounds like he really doesnt have the right to be there. You are the one that was to carry the baby for 9 months and then go through the labor. I would tell him that he can be at the hospital but not in the delivery room. If he wants to see the child then he can do it after it is born, also tell him that his new g/f isnt invited and she shouldnt come.

Answer 4

if you are angry with him now just imagine with him being in the delivery room. You would kill him. Best bet dont let him in there.It is a privilege and he hasnt earned it but also you need people in there that are going to make you comfortable and he will not. Get on him for child support asap too, that will really kick him. Make sure you also thank him for all the "nice things" he got the baby and with all the support he gave you. What jerks we get left with, where are all the good guys?

Answer 5

i think u should do what u want not what every one is saying u should do on here. just cuz hes there in the delivery room doesnt mean he will be there for the baby after words. but i think any guy has the right to be in there babies life. but they choose there own ways. he could be there at first but then just pop in and out. so do what u feel is right. then again he might be in the babies life forever u just cant ever tell. good luck

Answer 6

You needs to say "listen buddy! I'm not gonna take no crap from you! You ditched me for a 17 year old child. Were no longer together and I don't want to you there saying push harder in the delievering room with me even though its your baby because thats how I got in this mess by saying that! Now take a hike!!!" lol

Answer 7

I think you should go with your gut instinct. Just because he may be there for the delivery, doesn't necessarily mean that he'll be in your child's life the way a good daddy should.

Best wishes for you and your baby! And an early Congrats to ya! :)

Answer 8

well, he has hurt you obviously. but i dont think you should let him in the room, giving birth is rough, and you dont need the stress of him being in the room. its not good for u or the baby. just allow him to be at the hospital and see the baby afterward.

Answer 9

I would not let him come in the room at all. In fact ask your mother to be with you when you deliver and have it posted that he is not even allowed to visit you or your child

Answer 10

no way you dint need him there think of it this way will he be bringing his girlfriend along with him you need to think about what is going to be good for you and the baby and work out before you have the baby what sort of relationship you want him to have with the child