Best way to put deviant,manipualtive, opportunistic, weak personalitied, mother in her?

Question

place? I think that I have noticed a pattern . . .I think that whenever I look like I might not depend on her for happiness. . . she gets nervous and tries to agitate and control . . .thru lies . . .misrepresentation . . . exageration . . twisting of the truth. She often will say , unbelievably . . "Oh, Aunt/Cousin so and so say this or that" when she says it, not them. She will try to make me feel like the other relatives are rallying around her like she is special -just out of the blue . .not for any particular reason - . . and as though suddenly she is not the loner loser she has always subjected me to her being . . and as though suddenly though she has raised me with "You and me against the world" . .suddenly . .guess what, "It's just YOU against the world" . .and the relatives (who are never in the picture) suddenly ARE and suddenly are showing concern over (issues that would be to her benefit if they cared about) (or would be stuff that serves her interests).

When she hurts me and then states she'll 'hang-up' if I even object anything beyond briefly (it's like she's putting poison in a mouth and then trying to hold it shut so that it can't be spit out . . and if you spit it out . . .she'll leave you to starve . . w/o the hope of ever getting REAL food, -and it's her favorite game . .like she didn't really want to be a mother, unless she viewed it as a venue offering liberty to abuse and be crazy. She used to be nice, sometimes very nice, sometimes impulsively hateful and RESENTFUL . .like she really hated that she had kids. She'd say "Accidental birth of children", "I'm gonna sell you to white-slavery" , but she'd shrill it so I knew she was just losing it and didn' mean it . . BUT , she'd lose it over things that were small . . must have been the straw . . she was single. But I REALLY need some way to stop this . . and Yes I kinda need to get even in a non-violent way.

Answer 1

You've grown up and realized your worth. All you have to do now is become independent. I feel that you are going through a rough time at this moment because I understood everything you just said and I started feeling that tightness and anger mixed with confusion that I always feel when my mother does the same thing. I should tell you that my mother (although seems to have nothing good to say about anyone unless they happen to agree with her on an issue) will belittle me and try to convince me that there was something wrong with me. She'd tell me how she talked to... whom ever (usually in the family) about me and that they agree with her about how nuts I am. I was very hurt, confused and lacked much self esteem. Then after enduring this abuse for many years my aunt out of the blue called me to her home. I went and it was the best visit I could've had. She sat me down and explained to me that I was normal. That my mom was the one with the issues and everyone with common sense knew it. She explained that it did absolutely no good to confront her or argue with her because she will always find a way to convince herself that she is right. And will stop at nothing to try to convince you she's right. If you weren't normal you wouldn't be feeling this way. YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON who unfortunately has a mother that is not. It was hard for me to accept that about myself and my mother and it took me many years but, you really need to put some distance between you two. If she's like my mother then she can be wonderful at times. That makes it more confusing. But, the distance will make all the difference. I'll pray for your happiness. God bless!

Answer 2

Your mother sounds a bit like my mother and I just couldn't put with it, I refused to put with it. I left home when I was 16. I actually got married. Not a bright idea, but I did it non the less. Since, then I have made certain to have limited contact with my mother and the rest of the family. Even though I have 3 kids, all grown, 29, 30, and 31, my mother, or anyone else in the family would know my kids if they seen them. They probably would not recognize me either. I have chosen to separate myself from them due to their behaviors and my mother is just not someone I can understand. Without going into details, I can tell you that I actually moved across the country. It was 6 months before anyone knew where I had gone. Even so, I prefer to have no contact. They are too unstable for me and I did not want to subject myself or my kids to that type of behavior. Sometimes the best thing to do, is to just walk away. Call once or twice a year and call it good. It's not easy, but sometimes the best thing to do, is not the easiest thing to do. Good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds a bit complicated. Maybe you should get a counselor or therapist. It's a lot easier to really see what's going on once you put all of it out there and sort it through. Your relationship with your mother sounds very limiting and I think eventually it will become worse and worse. I hope that you two can find a happy medium as you also sound very close.

Answer 4

I solved this problem by leaving home at 18, moving to another state, and never going back except for a few days' visit every few years. I recommend this solution. It's easier on everybody - especially you - than trying to "fix" family craziness.

Answer 5

you should look into self esteem and codependency at google for insights and solutions.
good luck