Should I spank my child?

Question

Be honest now. I don't want any pat answers. Is there ever a time when a child should be spanked? How hard? With a belt on a bare bottom or a soft hand on a covered tush?

Answer 1

You can always tell the kids whose parents don't believe in spanking. They are the little monsters who are totally out of control, and keep the entire neighborhood in a state of terror.

Generally, larger kids should never be spanked. I am talking once they are old enough to know right from wrong, 6 to 8 years old. It really doesn't work any more, and it makes them angry. Lose rather than gain.

And, with little kids it should normally be a light spank over their clothes.

I read about a deal with a rod, developed by Christian families. It does not involve any significant pain of any kind. When kids are very little, use a small "rod" like a light pencil. When they attempt to touch something or do something, they should not do, tap their little hands lightly with that rod. Not hard enough to hurt, and say, "NO" in a non-angry tone.

it surprises them, and they normally will cease their behavior.

If this is done consistently, they learn very young what "no" means, and families which do this with consistency, usually have very well-behaved kids, with no traumas from spanking.

It does require consistency and self-control by the adults.

Answer 2

I think it is possible to raise a child and never lay a hand on them. I also think that spanking, in many cases, lets the child off the hook and is less effective than other, more fitting consequences, that said, each kid is different and despite swearing I would never do it, I did have one child that got a rare spanking.

The first time she was small and we were in the parking lot at the mall and she yanked her hand out of mine and took off running, very nearly broadsiding a car (gave both the driver and myself a heart attack). Under those circumstances, making sure she understood that this was to NEVER happen again was first priorty and she got a good swat on the bottom.

Toddlers don't handle lectures well, and a time out isn't going to work in that type of circumstance. Keeping her alive was the point of my action and well, it worked, she never pulled that stunt again. Part of why it worked was that it had never happened before and thus was a true shock to the system.

Spankings used regularly are well, expected. Did your folks spank you? Did it stop you from doing wrong? It didn't stop me!

The best punishments follow the cliche - Let the punishment fit the crime. In fancy terms, the circumstances that best teach the lesson are either natural consequences (touch the hot stove, get burned) or logical consequences (if you step into the street while playing out front, you cannot play outfront, you must go back in the house immediately).

Our job as parents is to teach correct behavior and sometimes that includes a punishment and sometimes it doesn't. In many cases, with most kids, discussing what happened and how it should happen works well.

Consequences make sense because that is life. As adults there is a consequence (good or bad) for every choice we make. Don't go to work, don't get paid. Drive too fast, get a ticket. Treat your spouse well, get good treatment in return. So teaching children based on consequences makes sense.

And if you feel a spanking is necessary, the point is to get a message across, not to cause great pain, so bare bottom isn't usually necessary (perhaps if the child did something truly mean and embarassing to another person). You should not be angry when you do it, and a discussion of why there is a spanking should be given after the fact. That way the lesson is still there.

With older kids, leverage is so effective, there's little reason for much else. They always want something - money, tv time, a ride somewhere, and well..kids that don't behave don't get the privilege.

Answer 3

Yes, I believe there comes a time when a child should be spanked. Of course, this shouldn't be your only method of discipline. If talking to a child about what they are doing wrong doesn't help and timeouts dont help then you should move on to a different method. Some children dont understand what you expect from them until you show them. They might take advantage of you if you dont BE THE PARENT. The most important thing to remember is to talk to your child and let them know exactly why they are being disciplined. That way, they will know in the future not to do it again or something bad (like a spanking) will happen! Don't take your anger out on the child...make sure you can control yourself BEFORE you give the spanking. The purpose isn't so you can "get back at them" for disobeying, but to help them realize that their behavior is unacceptable. Belts are fine, just don't over do it

Answer 4

As someone who was spanked, years ago(!), and got rulers and straps in school, I will agree that spanking is OK but...

-never hit in anger. We were stood in the corner, then spanked an hour later after "the talk". It was a relief to get the spanking to get out of the talk. When we were younger, we got the hand. When we were about 10 to 12, my dad broke his boomerang collection on out butts over the next few years.

-along with that, don't threaten. The parents that say "you're gonna get a whoopin!" usually either (a) never give one or (b) are drunk and punch out the kid. If you promise a spanking, they better be so far along that you'll deliver. (Remember the episode of Desperate Houswives, where the mother always threatened and never did spank until the neighbour ended up spanking the twins? From then on the mother threatened to get the neighbour to spank them...)

-punishment commensurate with response. Spanking for extreme mouthing off, of reckless endangerment of themselves or others is good. Spanking because they left the milk out or don't tidy their room is probably overdoing it.

-Make it hurt (but no damage -or you are committing abuse) A love tap they barely feel is nothing but a joke, or worse yet, you're just humiliating them. (Unless you feel humiliation is the appropriate punishment).

The Michigan tourist who was charged in Canada, pulled his 5yo girls pants down and whacked her bare behind because she deliberately slammed the car door on her younger brother's hand. That is not acceptable and beyond the "Honey, that was bad!" stage. (Oh, and the judge said he was justified)

-if they haven't earned by 14 or so, all the physical punishment in the world won't help. To inflict sufficient pain to teach a lesson at 16, you'd have to break the law. Try more meaningful punishments.

Spanking is a way to reinforce that some behaviour is not acceptable. And, you're the boss. It's not open for debate. Make the punishment fit the crime... I know I'd rather be spanked as a kid than be forced to go to the store owner and explain how I stole from the store, I'm paying for it now out of my allowance, and I'm sorry, and...

Of course, I have no kids so I can tell everyone else what they're doing wrong as parents.

Answer 5

I believe that in whatever the situation is you should first address the problem. If you tell your child to stop doing a certain thing make sure that you are giving them directions on THEIR level. Tell them firmly "I would like you to stop now." Make sure there is eye contact. If they fail to listen send them to maybe a time out seat but before they go let them know why you are punishing them. "I am punishing you because I asked you nicely to stop and you didn't listen." Set them in time out for maybe 10 - 15 minutes, and then at THEIR level ask for an apology. "Can mommy have an apology?" they should learn. Never yell or curse or get very controlling or threatening because they are younger and cannot comprehend on the same levels as adults. It should work. Spanking is not at all necessary. After a while they get used to it and get even more uncontrollable.

Answer 6

I got spanked as a child, not often, but with a belt. I don't think it really made any negative impact. In fact, I think just the opposite. All of the times even when I got older and knew that it wouldn't happen, I would still have a deep seated fear of making my parents angry. I knew that there wasn't really anything they could do to me anymore, it was just my training as a child. It didn't work so well on my brother, though. So, maybe it all depends on the child. I have heard this same story in many ways with friends who grew up with siblings. Basically, you gotta find what works with your own child's personality and use that. My brother responded better to being ignored and punished by being sent to his room and not being allowed to talk to anyone.

Answer 7

Definition of spanking from Webster's: "to strike on the buttocks with an open hand."

AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) describes spanking as "striking a child with an open hand on the buttocks or extremities with the intention of modifying behavior without causing personal injury."

(You decide, it's up to you.)

There was a good article about "Spanking" in Parenting Magazine for August 2006. It's called, "Is Spanking Okay? Why Experts Hate It, But Parents Love It." I found it very helpful for I have agonized over whether to spank or not to. A good section in that article, "(Spanking is) ineffective, they say (experts), because it only teaches a child to fear his parents, not to respect them, and dangerous because using force can injure a child and warp his understanding of how to interact with others: namely, that it's okay to hit someone to get your own way. And experts warn that children who have this antisocial lesson beaten into them are more likely to exhibit violent behavior later in life."

Personally, the few times that I have spanked my daughter in the past have not proved positive. I always end up feeling bad, and she just thinks it's funny. (She is 2)

Answer 8

Never at any time should you hit your child ! I don't care what you call it, it's still hitting, and giving them the wrong message.
There are so many other ways to punish a child. Take away something, time out chair, but please don't spank !
When he/she gets older, believe me, they will remember, and will be hell raisers, and possibly resent you for it.
You don't want your child to be afraid of you, you want them to respect you. But, if you think about it, what are you going to say to him/her when another parent comes to you and says that their child got hit by yours. Guess where he/ she learned that it was OK?
Children are very naive, and they watch every move we make. That is how they learn.
You have to correct them, but only in a loving, yet firm way.
By the way, I have two grown children that I never laid a hand on, and have never had any trouble with. Two home owning, tax paying, college grads. And we have a VERY close relationship to this day.

Answer 9

OK I hope you know the difference between beat and spank. Yes its OK to me to spank a child as a last resort. On the bottom covered with a hand. I went on a field trip with my son in kindergarten and was told you can spank your child by the police officers!(every state might be different) Not beat, spank and always only last resort.

Answer 10

Spanking works if your objective is to shame the child into better behaviour. There are better ways than shaming.

Talk to the child. Sit him down and tell him
1.) what he did wrong
2.) what he could have done differently
3.) what you expect from him in the future

Unless you have spoiled and indulged your child in the past, he will know that having to sit down and talk seriously with his parents is a "Big Deal", and something he will want to avoid in the future.

Best of luck to you.