If you just found out?

Question

If you just found out?
If just found u had a lil sis age13 about six months ago from ur dad who is dead but u hated. Would u call every one in a while. just found my older brother in January and its July we haven't met yet. I know i am only 13 but i've always a older brother to look up to.To protect from boys and be the father figure i neva had. I didn't ask him for anything. But it breaks my heart to know he doesn't even want to try to get to know me. Even if he hates our dad he doesn't have to hate me.Heck he even got to know our dad but our dad died when i was only 13 months old. Every time i think about it, i wished i neva found him in the first place. He's 37 now. Right now I am writing him a letter to tell him how i feel.

Answer 1

Call him up and tell him all of that . MAYBE START OFF WITH SOME THING LIKE "bEFORE YOU DON'T EVEN TAKE A CHANCE ON ME OR HANG UP OR forget about me as long as son as this conversation is over please listen to me. It's not my fault that our dad and you didn't have the best relationship but I can't be blamed for that. I am not trying to attack you or tell you are blaming me but I really always wanted a father figure I never had and I got so happy that I learned I had a n older brother and you don't want to meet me but I really want to meet you. Please, don't let the grudge between dad and you get in the way of meeting me because it would really mean so much to me if you just some time to get to know me because I am dad's child but I am not dad." Good luck!

Answer 2

Writing him a letter is fine, but don't expect him to feel the same as you feel. Different people are different, and what one person wants or thinks is nice, is not necessarily what someone else wants or thinks is nice.

Your experiences and your half-brother's experiences are not the same. You have always wanted a big brother, but it is possible that he never wanted a little sister. I'm not saying he didn't. Chances are, he never thought about it. It probably surprised him to find out about you.

He may not 'hate' you or your dad. He may just need some time to adjust to the new situation. Six months seems like a long time to you, but it doesn't seem like a long time to someone who will be 40 years old in three years. It seems like not very long.

Be patient, and remember that he has a right to feel how he feels just as you have a right to feel how you feel. And don't be hurt if you both don't feel the same. People can't always do a lot about how they feel.

Answer 3

Lady

I don't think your brother hates you - I believe that your brother feels as though he may have been left out from your fathers life. I don't think this has anything to do with you. Your brother is 37 years old and probably has a life and maybe his own family. You can not expect him to drop everything and be at your beck and call because your dad passed away - your brother is oyur brother, not your father figure - you need to start off slow and let him know the dad you remember (if you do remember).

Your brother has alot of resentment toward your father - probably thinks that he abandoned him and that is sonething oyu can never outgrow or sometimes forgive no matter how much it hurts.

You are not hte object of his hate, he probably only wants to forget about your father and everything that has happened in his life for his dad not to have been around.

You can't force him to become your "father figure" - sometimes its better to leave things alone - he knows about you and knows how to find you - when he is ready he will make the move, but for now you need to give him room.

Good luck

Answer 4

Hi Lady T. That is a sad story. My daughter has a similar one, and who knows, she may be in a similar situation one day. She never knew her father, he hasn't seen her since she was less than a year old, and she's 10 now. He recently got married and has a step son. How's that for ironic?! I would hope that if she ever found out she had a little sister or brother by him that she wouldn't ignore them. Anyway, my best advice to you would be this. Go ahead and write the letter and send it. If it does nothing else, it will get the feelings off your chest. Secondly, remember the family you do have in your life, and cherish them. Third, and last, remember you made it this far without the older brother, and it sounds like you did fin4e without him. If he wants to hold it against you that you are his father's child, you don't need him anyway. My prayers are with you, and I hope you have a happy ending to this situation.

Answer 5

All you can do is write and tell him how you feel. You can't expect him to feel the same if he doesn't. He might have good reasons why he doesn't want to get in touch, respect his privacy. How could you hate your dad if you were only 13 months old when he died? That is sad, he was the only father you will ever have. Try to forgive whatever you hated and your life will be better. Maybe in time your brother will contact you, just don't push him away further. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

He's probably going through his own emotions right now. If he is a decent person then he'll come around. If not, you won't be missing out on anything. Sometimes it takes people even adults a while to adjust to change. He may be having a hard time with this situation even though it has nothing to do with you personally. I really think with you being only 13 and he is much older it would be a good idea for your mom to talk with him. Maybe they can work things out so you won't have to go through any drama. Best of luck to you!

Answer 7

I think writing him a letter is a great idea. Don't try to make him feel guilty but tell him your feelings and ask him if he is willing to at least try to get to know you. It's a big difference in age and possibly he is just a little frightened of trying to start a family type relationship with you at this time. It may take him a while to accept you into his life but I hope he will be touched by your letter and give it a try. Good Luck!

Answer 8

That is so sad, I am sorry for what you are going through. You should go ahead and write a letter from your heart, tell him how you feel and to please give you a chance. Once you have done your part and he still does not want anything to do with you, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. Say a prayer and ask God to help you say the right thing to him and for him to read it with an open mind.
Good luck!!

Answer 9

Don't give up on your brother he'll come around everyone adores a little sister. So write your letter and write another and another if you have too and hopefully you'll find the words to touch his heart. And I also agree with the person who said try not to hate your father try to forgive him OK.

Answer 10

you are right--its not your fault that you were born into the family and just cause he hated yalls farther doesnt mean he has to hate you---and if after you write him this letter and he still doesnt want to have anything to do wit ya then hes not worth your time and effort to know him anyway just go on wit your life like you still didnt know he was out there---it might be hard knowing now that you do have a brother but you will probally be better off in the long run not to know him