BIG PROBLEMS - I was just cleaning my daughter's room and found a knife, what should I do ?

Question

I am just beside myself right now and I am probably not thinking correctly.

I live in a fairly good part of Connecticut, mostly caucasian and middle-class with good schools and all.... and just 5 minutes ago I was putting my 13 year old daughter's laundry away and I stumbled upon a knife and the knife was inside of a journal, the blade was exposed and it caught my eye. Could my daughter be suicidal ? Could my daughter be crying out for help ? Or is my daughter just eating peanut butter on crackers while she writes her journal every night before she goes to bed ? Which do you think it could be ?

Please help, I just don't know what to do right now and I don't know if I should further impose and inspect her recent journal entries, perhaps she is writing about me in there, or maybe she is writing about boys, I know I was into boys when I was her age, oh no, I don't know what to do, please help !!

Answer 1

Ask her about it & don't show anger. Be compassionate. If you come at her with anger, she'll shut down. Compassion gets people to open up.

Answer 2

Do you have a fairly good relationship with your daughter already? If so, ask her about it. She'll probably tell you. Some kids have knives because they look cool, or they just feel cool owning one. It can also feel pretty cool to put peanut butter on a cracker with a mega knife, just cuz it's something Mom would never do.

If you'd rather not bring up the knife for fear of being thought of as a snoop ( a possibility in this situation) ask your daughter about school, her friends, her dreams and goals in life. If she's got dreams and goals, you can probably rest assured she's not suicidal.

I think the best thing you can do is work on developing your relationship with your daughter. She's probably not in any serious trouble, but if she is, talking with her will certainly be a big step in getting help.

Answer 3

I think you should really sit down and have a long talk with your daughter. At her age it is going to be really hard to get her to talk about anything. Be as supportive as you can. Let her know how much you care. If you notice anything or she tells you anything disturbing you need to get the child into counseling.

I can't condone reading her journal. I think that is wrong. Just talk to her. You are her mother you should be able to notice if she is hiding things from you. Sometimes kids will just refuse to talk to their parents. Like I said if you notice this get her some help, if not a counseler get her in a mentor program. Something where she has an older female to look up to and talk to about the issues in her life.

When I was little I kept an assortment of knives and tools in my bedroom. I wasn't suicidal. I was very curious and I liked to take things apart and inspect the insides of things. If I didn't have a screwdriver small enough I would use the tip of a knife. My parents never found these but if they did I imagine they would have thought much the same as you that their child was seriously troubled.

There may be an innocent reason she has the knife or it could be a serious problem.

You really need to find out why she is keeping the knife, especially inside her journal. We can't give you that answer. You really need to talk to your daughter.

Answer 4

Read her journal where you found the knife. If you do not suspect any suicidal thoughts or weird entries, she was probably using it to slice bread or butter a sandwich while making journal entries. If you have any doubts as what her motivation was after reading the journal, sit her down and have a good mother-daughter conversation and keep YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR DAUGHTER as the main theme of the discussion. Find out if she needs something that she feels she is'nt getting. It is normal for a 13 year old girl to develop new interests in boys but allow her to develop these interests in a way that will help her achieve her life goals rather than impede them. You could get some ideas from her about how you might work together to achieve those goals.

Answer 5

If she's like any normal kid I really don't think she's suicidal. My sister always keeps a knife in her room because she always has a late night craving of some sort involving fruit or food spreads. I would suggest that you keep an eye out for her without actually invading her privacy (like reading her journal. I'm 15 and I know how awful that feels), only if her behavior is out of the ordinary. Talk to her teachers privately without her knowledge to see if her behavior has changed drastically in a bad way or if they've noticed anything alarming. Talk to her about something off-topic and don't bring the subject up like my mom. Once you gain her trust and she sees that you are open to things and don't judge her maybe she'll trust you more with what's going on in her life and maybe she won't need to write it in her journal. I would suggest that you study her appearance just to check to see she or someone else isn't hurting her. Covering your body up completely is usually a good indicator if she's hiding something she's done to her body. If she's constantly moody and depressed or has problems at school maybe she should see a psychologist. Don't force her into anything. If she has a problem you can only help her if she's willing to help herself. You need to calm down in order to see things clearly and just be prepared to help her because being a teenager isn't easy.

Answer 6

Being there not that long ago myself (being 13 I mean...) I don't think this is a huge alarm. There are a million reasons why she could have it. The BIG signs to look for--- when she comes home does she run right up to her room everyday without saying anything? Does she not wear short sleeve shirts around you? Have she recently done more than 3 things to change her appearance or want to? (hair dye, different style clothes than the norm, outrageous jewelry?) Or has she been picking fights uncontrollably with you and other family members worse than before? Granted (VERY MUCH AT 13!) kids change. They grow up. But its the other signs you should be looking for also, not just one. Don't invade her privacy by reading the journal. I understand that you are worried. But save that if WAY too much changes in a span of a few weeks. Talk to her, ask how things are going. I know we act like we hate it, but try to relate... (Wow, I remember being thirteen in the summer... me and my girlfriends used to.... but this one time we got in a huge fight... or I met this boy who was the cutest!) We know you've been there, so who better to learn from than you? Keep your eye out thats all. Bring it up casually too... such as.. I went in to get your clothes, moved your book, and a knife almost fell on my foot! Why was that there anyway....? Haha I've heard of strange bookmarks but geesh... Keep it casual and dont push it too much, she might block you out if you push her. You must be a great mom if you pick up on these things! Good luck!

Answer 7

I live in a fairly good part of Connecticut, mostly caucasian and middle-class with good schools and all.... and just 5 minutes ago I was putting my 13 year old daughter's laundry away and I stumbled upon a knife and the knife was inside of a journal, the blade was exposed and it caught my eye. Could my daughter be suicidal ? Could my daughter be crying out for help ? Or is my daughter just eating peanut butter on crackers while she writes her journal every night before she goes to bed ? Which do you think it could be ?

Answer 8

Ok where you live has nothing to do with your daughter's behavior. I grew up in one of the nicest part of towns, but younger sister still became a cutter; so where you live doesn't matter that much. The best thing you can do is talk with your daughter. Snooping around to find out what's going on will only make her mad and it will make it very hard for her to talk to you in the future because you violated her trust now. And snooping only leads to trouble. Talk to her about it. Explain that you found it on accident, you weren't snooping, but you are worried and want to know what is going on. The best thing you can do is talk to her, LISTEN to her, keep an open mind, and remain CALM. Freaking out won't help anything. In the mean time, keep an eye on her and her behavior. Is she acting particularly moody? Is she being more secretive than normal? Is she becoming less social in school? Is she exhibiting signs of depression? Just keep an eye on her, try and talk to her, and be ready to listen whenever she is ready to talk. Good luck and I hope everything turns out alright.

Answer 9

Dont' freak out.. I am sure she was just eating something she needed a knife for while she was writing in her journal and she got distracted and just stuck it in there because you know teenagers they don't want to put things back.. Unless you feel there are other signs that she may be suicidal I wouldn't worry to much about it.. leaving a knife in a journal isn't a cause for concern without some other things going on that may prompt you to look more into the matter.. if there is then just talk to her..

Answer 10

First thing you need to do is calm down. What you need to do is take your daughter to go have some fun time with her at six flags (If near one or an amusment park) and when you leave in the car ask her if she wishes to tell you anything and you won't get mad
at her. Then say about you finding a knife and why does she have it. Say that you only wish to know why she has it for only.

Answer 11

First of all I would talk to her and let her know you found it and ask her what it is doing in there. You cant get the real story if you dont ask. Tell her you are concerned, you love her and you found it and need to know because you are worried. My son had a knife in his room one time and I asked him about it and he said he couldnt find a screwdriver and the edges were to small to get a regular butter knife in to turn it and I believed him, he showed me and I let it go. But if there is something bothersome about her story and she seems depressed or is having problems with someone you need to get her some help. Or look in the journal, you have already invaded her privacy as far as that goes, if you think this is life or death it is up to you to protect her. I would have already looked instead of asking questions on here. Get busy !!