chuck norris jokes?

Question

Chuck Norris can burn ants with a magnifying glass . . .at night.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris doesnt churn butter, he round houses cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.
chuck norriss tears cure cancer.. to bad he never crys.
what do you get when you cross chuck norris and a elephant? Nothing because nothing crosses chuck norris
chuck norris can UNscramble an egg.
Chuck Norris doesnt need martial arts, martial arts needs Chuck Norris
bullets dodge chuck norris
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris
chuck norris counted to infiniti TWICE
Chuck Norris can light cigarettes under water.
Chuck Norris went back in time to stop the JFK assasination. When the trigger was pulled, all three bullets bounced off of Chuck Norris beard. JFKs head exploded in sheer amazement.
(got them from http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=7101258 )

Answer 1

Ha ha funny. These are my faves:
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-Chuck Norris once ate a whole bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Some people wear Superman pajamas to sleep. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
-Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
-There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
-Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego
-When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
-Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
-Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
-The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
-There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Answer 2

My favourites Q: If Superman and the Flash race to the tip of the earth who could win? A: Chuck Norris Q:What beats rock, paper and scissors unexpectedly? A:Chuck Norris Q:Chuck Norris as soon as bought a undergo Pregnant by means of simply starring at it. A:It was once a male undergo Q:Chuck Norris is presently suing ABC. A:Claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and proper legs.

Answer 3

You forgot Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and kick the back of himself.

Answer 4

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

Answer 5

there's no chin beneth chuck norris' beard, just another fist

Answer 6

whos chuck norris lol?