What to do about hysterical toddler fits?

Question

Hello, I have an intelligent 2 year old and she's really sweet except occasionally she'll throw a fit then sometimes it turns into hysteria where she's screaming uncontrollably. These times I cannot get her settled down. She gets to the point where she is uncontrollable. I've tried putting her to bed when she does this, she won't talk to me and tell me if she hurts but she'll just be saying random things or something she really wants, like a wet wipe to wipe her hands. For example; and these happen both when she's tired and when she's not; tonight she is screaming and asking for a wetwipe. it's about an hour and a half past her bedtime. I put her to bed at her normal bedtime and I've been in there three times. Once to tell her it's time to sleep, once to wipe her off with a wet wipe like she asked. (we skipped the bath tonight, so she is sticky) and once more to tell her it was time for sleep. I told her I loved her and haven't been back since. She has screamed for up to two

hours. I'm at my wit's end. I've told my pediatrician about them, but she seem to think they are just temper tantrums, I think there might be something wrong. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

When my daughter would throw fits like this, I would just walk away and let her do it. She would realize that I was not paying any attention to her and she would stop.

Not every child is the same. Try this a few times to see if it works for you.

Answer 2

Wow, sounds like you're got quite a little situation. I bet it must be really hard seeing your baby act like that, since she is normally such a sweet girl.

First off, I'm really glad you're talking to your doctor about this. I'd continue to seek advice, because the fits will only get worse if they are left unchecked.

Unless her tantrums are something more serious like an anger issue or some kind of outburst related to psychological trauma, here is what I can think of:

Maybe your daughter is talking about "random" things (like wet wipes) to get your attention. I would make sure you don't fixate on the wet wipes or whatever she is wanting. Your attention to her tantrum will only make things worse.

As long as she is not in a place that she can hurt herself, or her behavior does not turn physically harmful to herself, I would just walk out of the room when she performs her tantrums. This is the advice in all the parent magazines I've read. Once you are gone, she has no one to give her attention, so she will eventually stop.

Her tantrums might be to get your attention, thus why walking away works. She might not stop that night, or even the next week, but if she is not reinforced for her behavior, she will stop it.

Make sure (I'm sure you've tried this) you tell her that her behavior is unacceptable, and that you do not want to hear it. Then leave the room. She will probably be shocked that you left her, and it might make her cry/scream louder for a minute. Be calm; she will stop.

Good luck with your daughter; kids are never easy, and they don't come with instructions manuals! :) You just have to do the best you can, and they usually turn out okay. Best wishes!

Answer 3

stand firm. don't cave in...she has already learned how to get what she wants from you. if she is truely in harm's way you will know it, if she is in pain you will know it. you knew what her different cries were when she was a baby, use that intuition to know when its something bad vs a tantrum. when you show her your frustration that encorages the bad behavior, hold an even tone and temper. let her know you will not talk to her till she calms down. IGNORE the screaming and the crying. when you show you aren't phased by it she'll stop. something will click and "mommy isn't paying attention why am i doing this" will lead her to shut it off. if you are in public and this happens "do you want to sit in the car and wait till we are done here" seems to work well. it worked when i was a child and it works on my bf's daughter. i have even gone so far as actually removing her and taking her to the car and setting her in the car seat. she may cry for a minute but she stops because she sees "i win" more or less. and when she's done we can go back inside (i have never left her side or even closed the car door).
another trick i've used is "let's make a deal" if you go to bed now, we will go to the park tomorrow....etc. my god daughter respones to this very well since she was about 1 and is now almost 3 and works like a charm. she knows what she wants and will make you a deal. you get what you want and she gets rewarded in some fashion by what she wants (with in reason of course) and i will be the first to tell you she makes you hold up your end of the bargin!

Answer 4

It's hard to say...but it really does sound like tantrums. You can't give in to tantrums, period...if she is not hurt and is not in a position to hurt herself...leave the room or walk away, ignore her or whatever. Any attention you give her during a tantrum-be it positive or negative-is going to reinforce the effectiveness of tantrums.

I would also document the tantrums...when she throws one...first-make sure she's not actually hurt, then, write down the date and time and what happened just before the tantrum started...even if you don't think that's what started it...after a couple of weeks or so...you may start to see a pattern and then you can address it.

Even if your pediatrician is wrong and it is something more than just tantrums, there's no way she is going to be able to tell what's wrong without knowing the pattern...so the documentation will really help.

Answer 5

Well it does honestly sound like a tantrum to me as well. I don't know about you and how you feel about pops but I would have popped her on the butt already. My son is 2 1/2 and sometimes attempts to show out but once he sees my face/my husbands face and we just tell him he is to big for that and he is not about to have his way he may whine a little but he will not have a knock down drag out tantrum. He tried that a few times and we nipped it in the bud. Thats what you need to do you need to let her know you mean business and you will not tolerate that kind of behavior pop or no pop she has to understand respect and what mommy says goes. You have to be consistant all the time. It can't be no tonight and yes tomorrow. Also since you are now having to break a pattern you are gonna have to work at it for her to believe that you are serious. So if its no toys for an hour then its no toys for an hour every time she acts that way or what ever the punishment is gonna be. Also you need to setup a routine I'm not sure if she does this at a certain time of the day or not but I noticed you said she was asking for a wipe and you said you didn't give her a bath tonight maybe she really wants one and can't express how she feels. You know if you feel sticky you may want to take a shower...she may feel that way and since she thinks its ok to act out in that way thats just how she's trying to get your attention.

Answer 6

Have you had her checked for ocd (obsessive compulsive disorder)? She may be obsessed with having to use the wet-wipes to "clean" herself.

Then again, she might just be playing you. She knows that the hysterics gets your attention, and they upset you. It could be that she is just doing it to get her way. But I would see if you can speak to her doctor about ocd. Maybe the dirty thing is coming into play, and she feels that she must be clean, and can't get that way.

What does make her happy? I am sure she has something that calms her down. Does she feel like you give her too little attention? Make an appointment and sit down with your doctor. Make notes about what "triggers" them, what happened before, during and after the episodes, what had been going on that day, the time of day, etc. Take those notes to the doctor and inform the doc that there is something wrong. A mom knows, and must advocate for the child. Get a referal to someone that can help if the doctor is unwilling or doesn't feel able. Keep going until you feel satisfied that someone is willing to listen and help.

Good luck.

Answer 7

does she just do this when it is bed time?? My first born did this to us too. I want a glass of water, I need to go potty, I too hot for these PJs.... etc. The thing that worked best for us was a routine. We'd have dinner, give her a bath, brush her teeth, go potty, then we would read her a book, leave the light on and tell her we are going downstairs and we'll sit in the chair for her. We'd tell her to call us when she was ready for us to turn off the light. (Mind you this took months to get into the routine) She's five now and she falls asleep on the couch at 8 and asks us to take her to bed!!

Otherwise, if she is just throwing tantrums, ignore her. Go on with whatever you are doing. Let her scream and carry on, she'll get the point. When she finally stops, ask her what she wanted. Tell her "Can you ask me nicely?" go from there. Good luck

Answer 8

I have two intelligent children ages 3 and 6, they like to have temper tantrums too for various reasons. Lately my 3 y.o. has fits if I don't let him watch a movie he wants or read a story he wants or whatever, and he makes me late for work all the time. SO, I have been carefully monitoring whatever sets him off, let him fume for just a few minutes and when I think he's had enough time I tickle him a second or two, and walk away, then go back for more, slow at first and building. He's fairly physical, we get into me picking him up by his feet and gently putting him into his bed, or grabbing him up and kissing him after he's quiet. For my daughter what worked was the tickling and then to work my way into gentle snuggles without tickling. But let her stew for a few to think about what she's mad about and eventually her attention span at 2 will stop and switch to something else. After she quiets down is important otherwise your attention is a reward for the temper tantrum and it will only build and get worse. Good luck!

Answer 9

it is not a conflict I combat. I %. my son up whilst he should be held. lots of the time this is for convenience and that i don't have a situation with that. he's little and oftentimes surrounded with the aid of larger babies and adults, i'm particular this is frightening down there. At residing house although sometimes he should be picked as much as gain some thing he won't be in a position of have, this is when I say no. He exchange right into a clingy infant and that i indulged, nevertheless do, yet he grew out of it. this is area of his character. he's 3 hundred and sixty 5 days now and commencing to alter into self sufficient. this is been an superb transformation that he has made on his own with out me wanting to forget approximately approximately his desires or refusing to hold him.

Answer 10

You have an intelligent 2yr old.........
Welcome to motherhood. When she does this I bet you want to just throw yourself down on the floor beside her and scream until YOU feel better, right?
Well......that is exactly what you should do. The next time your intelligent 2yr old starts screaming and throwing a tantrum....play a little game called Copycat. I am sure you remember how. She'll stop when she sees how "Silly" mommy looks. Good Luck!