My husbands family hates me and my kids what can I do?

Question

When my husband and I were first dating they all loved me I worked two jobs and took care of him and my daughter. We've been married now for 4 years and have 3 kids and his whole family hates me and i think that they hate my kids. I cannot work because he's millitray we have 1 car and day car for 2 little kids would be too exspensive. So I stay home and cook clean and take care of everything all he has to do is go to work. But some how I am the bad person. Our oldest daughter is not biologically his so I understand them not caring for her I quess but he's been with me since she was a month old. My kids never get phone calls on birthdays or holidays they are forgotten. They never ask for pictures of them. The worst part was 2 years ago my oldest daughter was in the hospital with a tumor in her brain and not one member of his family called. She has had 3 brain surgeries and they could care less. I am under loads of stress.

So my Parents took the kids this summer and his family lives not even 5 minutes away from my folks and they have yet to evn attempt to see them or call. My husband gets upset with me because I tell him that his family hates me he's says they don't. And I told him that they could care less about the kids he says it because we live so far away thats way they don't call. Why can't he see what I see? i know he's supposed to love his family but I don't think he'll accept the kids not loving a family they don't know. He wants to force the kids to go and see them when we go home to get them and I am worried what his famlit will say and do. Am I worng for thinking if he doesn't stick up for me and the kids that I shouldn't stay with him? I know my question is confusing I have issues but who doesn't?

The other problem is that he wants me to just go along with what he wants to do. As a mom and seeing hows they have treated not only me but my kids I don't want my kids to have anything to do with them. I tried so hard to explain this to my husband, I told him you can force a square into a circle. You can't put the kids somewhere their not wanted. How else can i explain this to him?

Answer 1

That would piss me off!! They should still treat your daughter like she is their granddaughter by blood. I would not speak to them ever again, because it sounds like they only cause stress, and I am sure it hurts your kids' feelings. I am sure your husband will understand why you dont want them in your life. What a shame, I thought my in-laws were bad.

Answer 2

I know how you feel, I have the same situation. My first child was not my husbands either. I met him when she was 1. Don't expect them to do anything for your children. I wouldn't want trash like that around my children. They would be a negative influence. A lot of people have the very same problem you do. It doesn't matter what they think about you. You know what a good person you are. My prayers are with you. Hang in there and keep being yourself. Motherhood is More important than a job outside the home anyway. Pretend they don't exist. Life is too short. Do not ever have any contact with them. Time will take care of it. You should never feel guilty. You don't need them. God Bless You. You love your children and so does God. Don't give his so called family any more of your thoughts. Peace.

Answer 3

I have the opposite situation,I would love to be with my grandchildren and I treat the oldest son, which is a step child just as well as the other 2 little ones. I was the one who bought his school clothes last year, not his "real" father, not his step-father,
not his mother, not his biological grandparents, ME, the step-grandmother who gets kicked to the curb when I refuse to pay their bills constantly. Speaking from experience, if they truly dislike you and the kids, get out now , it will never change. You will always feel bad about yourself and your children will pick up on that and they too will feel bad about themselves. It's not worth it. Sometimes love is not enough, we all need to feel accepted for who we are and appreciated for the things we do for others. Life is hard enough without always competing for other people's acceptance and feeling like you never quite measure up. I don't know why love and kindness don't win out over meaness, pettiness, and evil. It just doesn't. Focus on the kids and make you and them happy. Your husband is gutless for allowing this to happen and not defending you and the kids, who needs that?

Answer 4

Have you tried talking to your husband about how you feel? That may be a good start. or you could just buck up your courage and try talking to the in-laws and tell them how you have been feeling.

If any of that doesn't work then is there a counselor or someone you could talk to just so you don't have to go around carrying all this on you.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I really hope she much better.

Answer 5

Don't waste your time or energy on people like that who have no heart or soul.
It is their loss not yours nor your children's. Your kids do not need people like that in their lives that feed on negative energy.

You have enough on your plate without worrying about inconsiderate, hateful, and uncaring people.

You have done nothing wrong so just go about your life and do what is best for you, your husband and your children.

And excuse me but taking care of your husband, your household and your children is a full time job. And then you are taking care of a child who has gone through 3 brain surgeries and needs constant care........

Blow it off and don't worry about the in laws. They are the shallow people who need to be ashamed of themselves.........NOT YOU.

God be with you and your children.

Answer 6

you need to take their critiques approximately your husband into attention. oftentimes people who're on the exterior finding in on the relationship can see alot extra suitable than those in the relationship. perchance they see some thing which you won't be in a position of. With that mentioned although in addition they could desire to appreciate the reality that he's your selection and you're married to him. you are able to desire to tell them that as quickly as you're grateful that they are sorting out on your maximum suitable interest they could desire to appreciate your judgements and not use your babies as the thank you to make you do what they want. some how all of you need to make certain the thank you to be waiting to get alongside. They dont ought to like him yet they do ought to appreciate your determination and him as your husband.

Answer 7

wow my prayers will be with you. I can understand what your saying. My 1st daughter was not my hubbys either. I always felt like they did not like me either. BUT My husband and I loved eachother and understood what was goinig on and that is all that mattered. They will come around and just hopefully for there sake it is not to late. My husband passed away 2 years ago of cancer. Today we are all real close. Hope all works out for you. My email is [e-mail] if you would like to chat...

Answer 8

Forget them and move on. They are NOT worth the time, worry, anger, and frustration that you are spending on them. Spend that time you are wasting worrying about them on your precious children. Make no effort to contact them, and do NOT feel guilty about it! Hopefully one day they will wake up and realize how selfish they have been.

Answer 9

Ignore his family, concentrate on him and the kids. Focus on whats important. Move if you have too ;)

Answer 10

you need to tell your husbands family that they dont have to like you but they should respect and love both of their grandchildren. and your husband also needs to sit down and explain to them that they are also disrespecting him by treating his kids like that.