I had to keep my guest list down because of expenses. My fiance and I did not want a big wedding anyway and tried to ony invite people that we really wanted there. That meant mostly family and close friends. However, I couldn't help sharing the good news of my engagement with my coworkers because we talk about our lives, but now they all assume they're invited. I can't afford to have them all there, so I didn't invite any of them. I've tried to hint that I've had to keep my expenses down by cutting the guest list and I mentioned that I sent out all my invitiations. I really don't want exptra people crashing the party. I've also had people ask to bring a guest (someone I dont know) I don't know how to say no to them, but it's supposed to be my day and with people that I know and we want to keep it intimate and small. What do I do?
2006-07-24 13:05:49 · 25 answers · asked by Sara B 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't believe in inviting people just to get more gifts. We want our ceremony to be meaningful and our reception to be intimate. It is something that my fiance and I decided together. I am not asking if I should invite my coworkers because I have already looked up the etiquette on this one. It is rude to go to a wedding when you are not invited.
2006-07-24 13:25:36 · update #1
The guest who asked to bring someone I didn't know, was invited with her husband. I know her husband but he isn't interested in coming, so she wanted to bring her granddaughter (who I don't know). I wouldn't mind except that she is also coming with another invited guest. It is not like she would not know anyone. I just don't know what the etiquette is for substituting spouses for other random guests. I would rather invite someone I wasn't able to include on my list before than have someone there who I didn't invite.
2006-07-25 10:04:50 · update #2
You just have to tell your colleagues that you'd love to have them there but that you and your fiancee have had long discussions about it and you've decided only to invite close family and close friends who you both know. That's a nice easy way of avoiding blame but making it really clear. They'll understand.
As for people asking to bring guests, especially guests you don't know -- really, it is the height of rudeness! Be really polite to them and use the same line as above: "Really wish I could, but we've had to cut out a lot of friends because we wanted it to be a really intimate event, so I'm sorry but we've both agreed to only have people there that we both know etc" They'll understand -- they're probably just asking just in case. And if they don't understand, that's really not your problem. They should be honoured to have been invited themselves.
I know I sound really harsh, but I'm going through a similar thing myself. You just can't compromise on issues like this, because you'll regret it later on. And don't let yourself get too upset about these issues -- it's not worth it.
It's a day for you and your husband-to-be -- not a free date for your friends and whatever random people they feel inclined to bring along.
Good luck on the day -- I'm sure you'll have a great time! And congratulations on the impending marriage!
2006-07-24 13:22:02 · answer #1 · answered by epiCure 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to these rude people on here. Of course you're going to share the good news with your co-workers. I did invite some of mine, but I have 160 co-workers, so I just told others that I couldn't invite everybody. Since you're not inviting any of them, just tell them that you're having a small wedding with only family and very close friends. You can let them know that that is all you guys could afford. But, you should let other guests bring a date, especially if it's someone they have been dating a while, or may even be married to. Look over your guest list and see how many extra people that would really add, it might not be that bad. It is your day, but you should want your guests to enjoy the day, too. How would you feel if you were excluded from a wedding and only your fiance was invited? Just keep that in mind. But don't worry about the co-workers, they should understand.
2006-07-25 06:34:39 · answer #2 · answered by SweetPea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The easiest way to deal with this is to explain that you couldn't afford to invite everyone that you wanted. It is very rude for people to ask to bring someone you don't know to your wedding, if you didn't specify "and guest" on your invitation. Just say, very politely, "no, I'm sorry, the guest list is already too large". Do you actually think that people will just crash your wedding even though you didn't send them an invitation? I've never heard of people being so rude but i guess you can just turn them away at the door.
2006-07-24 14:53:48 · answer #3 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I'm sorry, but this is a very small wedding -- only close family and our oldest, dearest friends" will do for both party-loving co-workers and guests wrangling to bring a guest of their own. For co-workers, you might add words along the line of "See you in two weeks!" or something on your last work day.
I'm all for the "No ring = no bring" rule, but this rule carries a responsibility. Someone must keep an eye on these singles and make some introductions if any of them seems to be languishing. If the wedding party and hosts are too busy to handle this, then appoint a few trusted friends to act as deputies in this matter.
2006-07-24 13:20:25 · answer #4 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um...I'm kind of confused as to why anybody would assume they were coming to your wedding....especially CO-WORKERS. What did you say to the person who actually had the audacity to ask if they could bring someone??? It's as plain as a boil on the butt of anybody's nose or *** that weddings are by invitation ONLY. At this point since it has gone this far, I think you will have to make a point of e-mailing everyone and saying exactly this:
Subject: Clearing up a misunderstanding
Body: Gang - It seems that I"ve given everyone the impression that we are inviting the office to our wedding. I'm sorry that sharing my good news was misunderstood but our plans are only to have family and friends. It is only recently that I have become aware everyone here was expecting an invitation. Again I do apologize for the misunderstanding but thank you for your good wishes.
2006-07-24 19:37:03 · answer #5 · answered by ami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the idea to have a dinner and have them over before the wedding, so when you tell them it will be like we wanted a small wedding so we are doing a dinner... or do a bbq! Make it fun like an enagagement party. So then they are included but know they cant show up at the wedding. You know? I honestly think it would be good. For the people that want to bring a guest, just let them know... you are having a small wedding with family and close friends. You arent doing guests. They wont be mad, they will understand. :)
2006-07-24 13:36:26 · answer #6 · answered by JustWondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you didn't want for them to attend in the first place, you should have kept your mouth shut! I think you are being rude to them! Besides there is a belief that the more people that attend your wedding the more you will be blessed! I think that not inviting them is just plain rude! Also a lot of them say they will go and at the last minute only 1 or 2 shows up! But the ones that didn't go still give you presents!
2006-07-24 13:10:55 · answer #7 · answered by xSilverStarx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to give a firm but polite no. Say exactly what you've been saying, that you were hoping to have a small, intimate ceremony and you're sorry that you won't have room for a +1. It's actually somewhat rude on their part to ask, so you shouldn't feel bad about turning them down. As for the coworkers and such, plenty of people send out wedding announcements to people who aren't invited to the ceremony. Hopefully, they'll understand they shouldn't come since they never received an invite.
2006-07-24 13:09:54 · answer #8 · answered by Phil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing, you can't really tell people that they can't bring a guest and still be polite. It's rude to ask them to come alone.
Yes, it's supposed to be "your day", but it's not supposed to be "your day" at the expense of your guests. They are taking the time out of their lives to witness your wedding and celebrate your marriage. How would you feel if you got an invite tomorrow for something this weekend and your fiance was specifically not invited? You should have allowed for guests in the first place and planned your invite list according to that. Remember, the people that you invite are your guests, and you need to treat them as such.
However, people who are not in long term relationships or serious relationships do not particularly need the "and guest" if they are just going to pick a random date. We did very few "and guest"s, instead we took the time to find out who was in an LTR so that we could invite them by name and account for them in our planning. To tell people who are in LTRs or in a serious relationship that their sig other is not welcome is tacky. As is telling a single person that they have to come alone.
As far as your co-workers, to go on and on about your wedding and then not invite them is somewhat rude. You say you aren't going to invite them anyway, so you'll have to backpedal and make it very very clear that the wedding is family only. Offer to get drinks with them or to have a post wedding party with them once you get your pics back.
Good luck to you. : )
2006-07-25 08:07:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is just a simple statement of you have already sent out the invites to your family, and you are only inviting family because you want it to be a private and intimate event. Your co-workers should respect that. If any of your family ask if they can bring dates, just simply tell them that you want only family there because it is a private event and that you can't afford the extra dates. Anyone who argues with you about who can come and who can't is a jerk who is being selfish, considering they are not the ones paying for the day and it is not JUST YOUR DAY, it is your husband's day as well.
2006-07-24 14:26:43 · answer #10 · answered by sweets 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋