How do you get over a broken heart?

Question

serious replies only because for me this is hard to deal with. we were together for 3 years

Answer 1

Find another love.

Answer 2

The heart functions in a part of the brain called the limbic system. It's been a part of you since you first looked into your mother's eyes and felt her carress. Every person you meet activates your limbic system - to a greater or lesser degree. When you have a 3 year relationship - its called limbic resounance - that peaceful, easy feeling when you are just hanging out with your partner and everything is like a dream. Your limbic system is humming like a cat's purr at times like that.

Your heart longs for those moments. Biologically, your limbic system is telling you "go back, get some more". How do you change?

It's tough. The reason why is that limbic memories do not fade with time like event memory. You can remember moments, like yesterday I am sure. If you get quiet and review your memories, its really amazing how clear they are - as if you can read the books on the shelf in your lover's living room. That's the nature of limbic memory.

The process of releasing that memory is called limbic revision. It can be done with a therapist - if its really bad. Or you can find another person, and you will feel the sadness fade in the glow of fresh memories.

I love the James Joyce story in Dubliners entitled The Dead. In it, a man's wife relives in her memory a boyfriend who died years and years ago. The boy was her true love. The man felt betrayed by the memory, a ghost, that held a place in his wife's heart never to fade away with time.

We are living in an exciting age where the secrets of the heart are revealed in neuroscientific research. There is so much left to learn, but I hope it makes you feel well (or at least better) that what is lost makes you feel that way in a way that it makes us all feel. Gather your friends and drink deeply from their affections. That is the same exilir you lost.

I pray you find it again.

Andy

Answer 3

Breakups are never easy. Anyone who doesn't respect your sense of Trust and your sense of People in others doesn't deserve to have you in their life either.

No doubt, maybe that person was a jerk, or a bad boy, or could have possibly been both or neither but someone none the less wasn't thinking the same way about you the way you thought about them.

Truth is , in this lifetime we seem to have many friendships, but few genuine ones. People use us for anything that they can get it seems, and when they get what they want, they find the most dumbass excuses to walk away, while sucking our blood one more time with a final straw.

Learning how to trust again isn't easy. Best way to deal with that is to open your door once again to your own interests in life and take those all important steps to getting your new groups of friends in place once again. People that you can trust again, and friendships where people matter most, not what you have that will help them. Once you find something that you've always wanted to do in life but for some reason didn't, you'll always find people who also share your interests and values too. That will go a long way to re-building your self esteem, self confidence, and self worth again.

You have to let go of all committments to the other people and give everyone new that enters your life a fair and equal chance at getting to know you and your heart again. You never know when that next person will enter your life and you have to have alot of patience and understanding with new people, always. Have faith.

Always keeping in mind what we truly want:

Open communication, because that builds trust.

Genuine friendships, because they will last a lifetime, not just for 3 years, again.

Honesty
Trust
Respect
Caring
Sharing
Apprecation
A Sense of Humor
Unconditional Love

The values i've mentioned above are what we really want in others, because we believe in them very much ourselves.

Once again, it isn't easy. It takes time. When you do have a little success meeting new people, give yourself a reward too... that will go far in finding that right person for you, again.

Answer 4

I know this is a cliche, but...time is the best healer. To this day, I'm still trying to get over a 4 year relationship. One in which I have invested everything: heart & soul. Physical wounds can always be healed, but never emotional ones. IT TAKES TIME! It's hard, but you'll get over it. Take one day at a time, because it will hurt less and less each day. The scar will always be there, but think of it as a learning experience. Remember: God wants us to meet several wrong people before coming across the right one. That way, we will know how to cherish him/her. Try to focus on WHY the relationship didn't work out because there's always a reason for everything. Have faith! Things always work out for the best in the end...if it doesn't, then that means it's not the end yet. My prayers are with you!

Answer 5

The thing which is going to carry you over this raging river is the bridge of Time. Only time. You cannot rush any of this, and I hope you won't try to. It is like grieving the loss of someone. You have to let it go slowly. If you try to rush it you get a logjam of emotions that will sweep over you and make you feel just awful, so - go slowly. When you feel those feelings about to come washing over you again, try to find a comfortable chair and go sit down and relax into it. It will pass in a little while, and one good thing about these waves of emotion, ever so slowly, each time that wave comes for you it will be just a little bit less, and after a while you will feel it about to start and you will be able to ease up on it a little so it won't push you around so much. Letting go - if anyone tells you this is a fast process, you will find they are wrong. Only time will do it for you. Over those three years you had your ups and downs with this person and all of that will resurface, one thing one day and something different the next... if you can somehow find a way to begin to find interest in other things, or even one thing, it will help to provide a balance for you so you will not be totally focused on your recent change (loss). My heart goes out to you, of course, darling, and go easy on yourself because there is a lot you can do to make it a little bit easier when it starts each time. Try find ways to calm it down and remember what works for you, also, in addition to the simple passing of Time, talking with your best friends as much as that is possible will help loosen the hold this has on you just now. I am sending this message to you with a big hug and lots of good energies from Chris in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. (I am 63 years old.)

Answer 6

what you need are: good friends, a destination, or a new setting.

friends can be a great help at this time by distracting you from your woes.

going someplace new can also help take your mind off of things... on good long roadtrip to an interesting place can help not only distract you, but can also help you figure things out. the new things you see can help distract you and bring you out of your 'shell'. the fact that you are driving, either alone or with friends gives you time to think and reflect.

going someplace new (i.e. moving, getting a new job, etc) makes it kinda hard to focus on your relationship probs if you are facing a new crisis everyday with new people in an unfamiliar place.

barring all that, there is only time. it really does heal all wounds... unfortunately there isn't a time limit or an indicator on how long it will be before it no longer hurts (it really would be cool if the emotional pain you get came with an expiration date, yah know?)

Answer 7

ohhhhhhhhhh its ok i went through this 2 yr ago and we were together 2 yrs, and honestly geting over it was easier than i tought when i found someone else, not a rebound but someone new i could focus my energy on you know what i mean, and just have ur friends around you, dont go to places that u and him help as special memories which is hard after 3 yrs, so just hold tight and it will all pass when i was going thought it i thought that was it and i felt really empty but then i picked up the pieced and moved on, found my new bf which i tought was never going to happen again or i didn't want it to but now i look back on how stupid i was crying over something that was not worht it, and now my new bf and i have happily been together for almost 1yr and a half

Answer 8

Make sure you have cable with all the movie channels. Sit at home with lots of great food ice cream, nachos, hamburgers, etc. Well, this wont help you get over it but it will help you soothe your soul a little bit. Then later on that night you and a few friends go to the club and meet new people because you have to burn off all the food that you ate. Then after you meet the new people girls or guys talk to them on the phone and go out on dates. Oh and by the way do not i repeat do not talk to your ex because you wont do anything but want to be around them like you use to. Sorry about the break up.

Answer 9

Well i know how you feel because i was in a relationship with a guy for 6 years and then had my heart broken. I don't think there is much you can do...all you can really do is try not to think about the person and don't see them and over time you'll get over them. If there is another way i'm not aware of...please someone..tell me!

Answer 10

Wow we should start a club I am mending a broken heart from a 4 year relationship. Its hard you cry a lot. The pain seems unbearable... but you got to go on, live life and try to be strong. If you want to talk about it, cause sometimes that helps, send me a message. Good Luck

Answer 11

I'm sorry to hear about your broken heart, but the answer to that is time. Time mends a broken heart in my most sincere opinion. Very honestly, though, go out and meet new people. Believe me, it'll be awkward at first because you don't want to jump into the dating scene just yet, but you'll have the opportunity to meet potential soulmates. You don't have to start dating right away, just meet other people and make new friendships. Hope it works out for you.