I don't want to see my mother anymore, she is negative about me having a child?

Question

My husband and I have been together for a total of 5 years. We plan to start trying for a baby when I am 24 and he is 26.

We own a home that we will pay off next year, and we have good, stable jobs. So money is not an issue for us.

My mother says negative things like how I won't want to get up at night with a baby, and how I will be frustrated and yell at my husband because I will be stressed with a baby.

She says I should wait until I am 30 so maybe I will "have more patience for a child."

She pretty much discourages me from starting a family of my own. I feel a lot older than I am, I have been on my own since I was 18 (because my mom tried to control me), I put myself thru college, I am very mature for my age.

And I am 100% sure I am ready to be a mother.

I don't know what to do with my mother anymore. I have confronted her about her pissy attitude and it leads to fights and I am sick of her controlling personality.

Any advice?

I am 23 now, my husband is 25. We are planning to start trying next year for a baby.

My mother is 45.

Answer 1

Children are a blessing!!!!!!!! I would tell her the same things you just wrote here. You have been on your own since 18 managing very will on your own. You didn't need her op ion to get this far and you don't need it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

You want advice? Some of the best parents are sure they can handle and control any situation. You are sure you can handle it. Your mom is sure she can control it. Same difference, really. Ergo? You are the same as your mom, at least in that way.
There is NO way-- NO way-- to be sure you are really ready. Maturity helps. Years together help (but have you had: time to enjoy life as a single person, time to enjoy and understand your husband while still single, time to get truly experienced as a wife, and time to prepare and plan for a baby that will never stop growing?). If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you are nowhere near ready. Few people are actually anywhere near ready, but that is nothing new. Pregnancies range from unplanned to unprepared at best. Want to prove you're ready? Find a counselor that prepares young couples for the trials of raising children-- they exist-- and get counseling. Meanwhile, prepare a nursery, start saving for the future children's college and young life expenses, and get extra insuriance-- you will need it. Then figure out how long it will take you to be prepared in all those ways. If you will truly be ready by the time you are 24, then your mother will have to concede to your maturity, likely. If it is closer to 30, then graciously and gratefully accept her concerns and agree. Still, remember there will always be surprises and frustrations and that you obviously still want your mother in your and your children's lives. You will likely never be fully prepared-- who is?-- but you will always have a concerned mother standing behind you... driving you crazy... but always trying to help.

Answer 3

Id have one..

Im 40, and trust me--at 30 u may have more patience...but not as much energy to play with the baby. there are outlets for you to utilize thru daycare,friends and churches. the biggest thing to remember with a baby is you are not alone. you can ask for help! you can have a hobby and a life that doesnt revolve around the baby. (many women feel guilty if they do anything for themselves because they feel they should do-all for baby)

If you have nothing to give, it will ruin you both. Balance is the key ;-)

even if its just a couple hours a day, ask someone to help you out so you can read a magazine, soak in tub, workout..whatever =)

It wont kill you or the baby to be seperated a lil bit once and a while--matter of fact, its good for both of you. He learns you will always come back..and independance. you learn you can give more to baby when you are happy and healthy.

you sound like a bright young lady--and responsible. if you dont do what your heart wants,..you will form regret and resentment. that alone can kill your marriage.

your grown now;-)...go live life babe, cos its too short!

Answer 4

For one thing, everyone is tired when they have a new baby. It is part of being a parent: the baby needs care through the night, so a good parent meets the baby's needs, tired or not. If you go into this with the understanding that your husband will pick up the slack when he comes home and give you a well-deserved rest for an hour or two you wont take anything out on him when you are worn down by work and no sleep. One way to sort this out with your mother is to sit down and tell her (without letting your temper get out of control) that as long as her attitude remains negative she will no longer be welcome in your home. Tell her that you don't want your baby growing up with negativity. That you want a happy invironment for your child. If she can hold her tongue when she is around you then she is welcome and then stick by your guns. It is right that we should honour our parents but you are married now and you have left mother and father to cleave to your husband. A baby deserves a happy home to grow up in and I pray that your baby will have that. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Try not to talk to her. Go ahead with your plans on starting your family and see if she changes her mind. It sounds like you are completely ready to have a baby. Enjoy having your baby, they grow up fast. It doesn't seem like it at the time but they do. It sounds like your mother is very concerned about you and doesn't know how to show it. Good luck on the mom part. Just one more thing, when the baby is growing inside you, you need to be happy and positive and you'll have a happy child. If you are upset, you will have a fussy baby.

Answer 6

Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for you, your husband and your child. Obviously, it would be ideal if your mother was supportive, but if she isn't, that is her issue, not yours.

You sound like you have it all together - you have considered finances, living environment, and your willingness to have a child. I would suggest talking to someone neutral such as a family counselor about the issues of having/raising a child and about dealing with your mother's attitude. Not because of you, but to get an objective third party opinion and some friendly advice on possible issues and methods of dealing with them.

Best of luck to you, and hope your mom comes around!

Answer 7

You sound like a very responsible person, however, I do not know you or your mother.
So, on a piece of paper, why don't you and your husband do this:
1. Write down everything you and your husband enjoy doing together.
2. Write down everything you both enjoy doing alone.
3. Write down everything you both talked about doing or going but have NOT done so.
If you had a baby,
1. Write down what will change, work, going out, who will help out.
2. Remember, with a baby, it means you have a new boss the the household, that boss wants everything.
After you have written and reviewed everything in DETAIL, go present it with your mom.
Good luck......

Answer 8

I know this may seem stubborn but I would have the baby and not tell her when I am going in labor...what hospital I'd be in, anything! I wouldnt talk to her because what shes doing is wrong. I would send her that happiest pictures of the baby on Holidays with a how are you and thats it. But thats me and my mom isnt like yours no offense. Maybe your mom just dosent want you to officially grow up yet. Maybe she just dosent know how to express her feelings properly about that. Doubting that youd be a good parent is a little rude! But maybe thats why shes acting like that. PROVE HER WRONG! You even know better than to do what shes doing and shes older than you!

Answer 9

Sure. Tell your mother that you appreciate her opinion- but that it's YOUR life, and you'll live it the way you choose. Have 6 babies if you want (just don't expect her to babysit any of them necessarily!)- and let the chips fall where they may. If she disowns you- that's the risk you take. Odds are, after you've left her alone for awhile & time has passed- she'll come around. Just remember; she never has to LIKE what you do- she just has to learn to live with it. And if she never does- then all you're losing is alot of grief & agrivation. Good luck.

Answer 10

30 is a good age..... I was 19 when I had my first and 20 when I had my second..... you seem to be on the right track your married both have a job... Your own home.... you do what you feel is right maybe you should seperate for a while and let time heal.... she'll have no choice but to accept it.....good luck

Answer 11

Obviously you want ur future child to have her grandmother, but do you really want her to have a grandmother who may try to control her as she did you?

I would say to talk to your mother one more time and calmly say "Mom, I have a serious issue to talk to you about so please ler me finish before you interrupt ok? I'm married, financially stable, and feel that I am ready for a baby. I understand you want me to wait, but please understand that it is not up to you. I'm an adult and I would like to be able to make my own decisions without you interferring and putting me down. I understand you love me and just want whats best for me and the future child. But if you continue going about things the way you are now, I will not be talking to you or seeing you as often. And I will not want my baby to be around that type of emotional enviornment. I love you mom and I want you to be involved in my life, but you need to understand that you need to let go and trust me to make my own decisions... even if you disagree with them"

If you know you cant say all that without her interrupting or it becoming a fight, write it in an email or letter for her to read