Funny jokes?

Question

Any rude humor, or just stuff thats funny. Thanks

Answer 1

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Answer 2

hi im a big fan of scotland, so if u know a little about the scottish and english people, u will like this one, its one of my fav:

In the beginning, The Lord God Almighty, sitting on His throne on high, turned to His mate, the Archangel Gabriel and said "Gabby, today I'm going to create Scotland. I will make it a country of dark beautiful mountains, purple glens and rich green forests. I will give it clear swift flowing rivers and I will fill them with salmon. The land shall be lush and fertile, on which the people shall grow barley to brew into an amber nectar that will be much sought after the world over. Underneath the land I shall lay rich seams of coal.



In the waters around the shores there will be an abundance of fish and beneath the sea bed there will be vast deposits of oil and gas".



"Excuse me Sire", interrupted the Archangel Gabriel, "Don't you think you are being a bit too generous to these Scots"?



"Not really", replied the Lord, "wait 'til you see the neighbours I'm giving them".

Answer 3

Rules of Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. (Normally one club and two balls)

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep balls out of the hole.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to make as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely careful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.

16. Payment for membership is dependent upon the given course. Additional assessment may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.

Answer 4

There was this lady standing in a sperm donation line. The gentleman in front of her turned and said to the lady, Lady don't you know this line is for sperm donors. The lady looked at the man with her cheeks puffed out like Louis Gilespy and pointed to her cheeks, without saying a word and grunted.

Answer 5

Illinois state troopers were closing in on a speeding car when it crossed into Indiana. Suddenly the officer behind the wheel slowed to a stop.
"What are you doing?" his partner asked. "We almost had him!"
"He just crossed over into the Eastern Standard Time zone," he said. "Now he's a full hour ahead of us."

Answer 6

A lady was taking a shower. Then the doorbell rang. it was a couple. "Aren't you going to congratulate us? We just got married!" The woman said congrats and went back inside. 5 minutes later the doorbell rang again. it was a race car driver. "aren't you goin to congratulate me? I just won a race!" The woman said congrats and went inside. 5 minutes later the doorbell rang. it was the blind man. the lady didn't put on her bathrobe this time and opened the door. aren't you going to congratulate me? I can see again!"

Answer 7

What was the mother doing while crossing the road?

Answer 8

there was a there was me,u and jason (guy of ur choice).
we wereall in hell wen tha devil sed that in order 4 us 2 go back to Earth n live another life..we have 2 give up our favorite thang. so ME, i gave up eating pizza..cuz thats like 1 of my fav. thing. YOU, u gave up picking up money 4rm tha ground..cuz u luv doin that. JASON, gave up f'in ppl 4rm tha back..cuz he luvs doin that.

so we're all back on Earth living anotha life wen i past by pizza hut n im jus craving 2 take jus ONE bite...so i buy a pizza..i start lookin around 2 c if anybodys lookin at me..n i take a bite...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM..i went back 2 hell..

ur walking around n u seen 5 dollars on tha ground..u go down 2 pick it up..

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM..jasons back 2 hell..

[[get it got it gud..i thought it'd b funnier if u were in it]]

Answer 9

ATTENTION: PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY:; IT IS ONLY A JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you know when a black person used your computer?

ansr:its missing!!!!(like i said dont take this the rong way. it is just 2 b funny)



what did the black person get for christmas???

Ansr: your bike.

a mexican and a black person was in a car, who das driving???
Ansr: the cop.

~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm sorry if i offend any 1 readin this!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~

Answer 10

dont ask me-a person was making a spech-----one from audiance stand up and said-------i am nt asking yu for keeping ur cloth off