What is the first step in fighting for custody of your child?

Question

My nine year old son has been living with his father for two years. Lately his father has developed a serious drinking problem and it has affected my son socially and mentally. I would like to get custody back but besides hireing a lawyer, how do I need to prepare for this fight? Can anyone who has been through this situation (especially women) give me some good advice? Where do I start? Only serious advice and answers, please.

Answer 1

Well I have been through this myself and without an attorney, it would be hard. I went through Legal Aid which provides a GOOD attorney if you qualify financially. In my situation, my childs (sperm donar) took her one afternoon for a "visit" wouldn't give her back. I hired a lawyer and they filed some papers to have her immediately returned to me. That took 2 days to get them filed and have a judge look at them and approve them. then from there paternity was established(he had signed the birth cirtificate) then I had witness statements saying he was not a good father figure, might actually cause them child mental and physical harm and between my lawyer and I we got police reports from when he had been arrested on drug charges, drunk driving charges and then we had a child welfare worker go out to his house to see if they conditions were fit for a child to live in(in my favor they weren't).. All together this process took me a bout a month to have sole legal and physical custody of my daughter. He never showed up to court except when they ordered him to give he back to me, and he never tried to fight anything. We were both ordered to attend Child Rearing classes ( I did he didn't) It cost 5,000 for the legal fees but it was worth it.

Answer 2

Well, the first step is getting a lawyer. Without one there's not much you can do because you will have to go to court. Other than that, start a journal of everything your ex does wrong. Dates, times, anything your son, friends, coworkers tell you, every time he is late picking him up, anytime your son is late to school, if you show up and the house is destroyed. Record the meals your son is receiving in his care. Record, record, record! Even if it seems trivial. This will give the lawyer alot more to work with. Also get yourself ready to prove you are the better parent. Get your house in order, do not put yourself in any situations that could be misconstrued by his attorney. No late night drinking binges and such. If you are single think about putting casual dating aside for now. If you are in a relationship you will have to prove the person you are with has good character. Imagine your life is under a microscope. But definitely start with a lawyer.

Answer 3

First of all, you need to be keeping explicit documentation of everything that is going on that you know of. You may be able to get DHR(Dept of Human Resources) or Social Services in your area to assist in regaining custody. If the school will give you any information in writing that will help you, then ask for it, if you cannot trust anyone then watch out. Talking custody away from the parent can be very ugly, and very complicated. You need to be sure to provide any and all information, including if he has recieved any DUI's. Social Services or DHR, should be able to assist you especially when you tell them you are concerned for your child's safety. My other concern is why he gained custody over you two years ago. If there is some reason that he gained custody over you, I hope you have taken care of whatever the problem or issue was, because his attorneys will bring up anything they can find on you as well. Be careful, and make notes, and find anyone that is willing to testify for you. Good luck, at your son's age, the worse thing he needs to be around is a bad influence, and I am sure it has effected his friendships, and relationships with others. Get the pediatrician to evaluate your son and make sure he does not need counseling. As long as you can take these kind of steps forward without the dad's permission, then do whatever it takes to help your child.

I am lucky, my son's dad, tried to not bring them back about 6yrs ago, and I had Internal Affairs at his place of work go after him. He was forced to release them to my dad(we live out of state....wonder why???!!!), and within 30 days we took him to court, and he lost all his rights. He has to go through DHR for supervised visitation, and actually has not even tried to visit in over 4 yrs. He claims to have been in and out of rehab for the past two....whatever in my book, but still has a job in law enforcement..imagine that??!!! I have primary custody, and I do not worry about him coming around because he chooses not too, and the boys are older now, and do not even want to see him which is sad, but he made that choice.

Good luck, be careful, and go through the state and social services, it will also maybe help you out financially, becuase lawyers are not cheap!

Answer 4

Well before my husband and I got married I got assistance for day care so I had to take him to court for child support and since I did that I wanted full custody until we were married. I got lucky becase he wasn't a jerk about it. But what I did was went down to my family court house, got two petitions (one for child support and one for custody), turned them in and waited to get the court date in the mail. Neither of us had a lawyer when we went but if you think he is going to fight you then maybe you should consider getting one. We went in and talked to the judge and it was decided. Luckily we were on good terms and everything so we didn't have to "fight" it out. You should get a lawyer, get proof of how his drinking if affecting your son, and prepare for an ugly battle. Custody battles can get crazy. Also, look into the laws and custody info. for your area because it's different state to state. Best of luck. Hope this helped somewhat.

Answer 5

Have the courts been in touch already, or are the father and mom in basic terms conserving the youngster out of spite? except there's a courtroom order, your buddy has custody--this is HER baby. If there's a courtroom order, it definitely relies upon on how they have been given it in the 1st place which will come to a determination how your buddy will combat to get the youngster lower back.

Answer 6

DOCUMENT!...have there been instances when you have seen him drink in the presence of your child or has your child told you so.....document - time, date, location, events,....also how often and to what extent...whats he drinking (beer or liquor although it doesnt matter)...has your childs behavior towards his father or behavior at school become a problem....are there signs (any) of abuse...(neglect, is he fed, is he unclean, and otherwise unhappy)...these are all signs of a problem that may need to be addressed...i went through this too....dont be afraid that you are giving too much info or are being overly sensitive...your atty will edit what is needed and what is not...better to give too much info than not enough...good luck

Answer 7

First i would go down to your local Friend of the court office, to get the correct paper work you need to file. I would then write down time and dates of any incident that happen/happens. When you file the paper work attach this to the paper work. Make sure you keep copy's for yourself. Talk to teachers, counsels, who ever possible to get written prove of the changes in your son since this happened.
GL and best wishes to you and your son...,

Answer 8

1. Get a lawyer
2. demand counseling for yoru child, the truth will come out
3. request parenting classes for you and the father, the truth will come out
3. state your case, you are a MOTHER and that matters

Good luck, remain child-focused, stay positive and keep your side of the street clean

Answer 9

First you need proof, don't play dirty, and exactly why dont you have your son? You don't want to ncessarily trash him in court, judges dont like beligerent people

Answer 10

HELLO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BEEN THERE DONE THAT ... GET A LAWER OR CALL FAMILY SERVIES WHERE YOU LIVE AND TELL THEM ABOUT IT AND WHERE YOU MARRIED TO THE FATHER IS SO ARE YOU DIVORCED IF YOU NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO IM HERE