What is wrong with spanking your kids PART 3?

Question

I have had alot of responses that alarm me!! How can a toddler comprehend what respect is, I feel that it starts as fear and progresses to respect. I am a better person than most and I was spanked I am not violent and I have a great deal of respect for any elder. I have a 15 month old and spanking will be PART of her discipline. please email me I would love to support my opinion but running out of questions for today. [e-mail]

Answer 1

Nothing wrong with it when used appropriately. To me, this means spanking for the right reasons and in the right manner.

The right reasons: You spank for the rule violations that your child commits that are the MOST dangerous to herself or others, or property.

In terms of the right manner: If you get smiled at when you spank her, you aren't spanking hard enough. If you spank one smidgeon harder than necessary to gain compliance than you are spanking too hard. And certainly any whack on the bottom that leaves a mark more than a handprint for a couple minutes, is too hard. Also, sudden, surprise spankings that immediately follow the rule breaking work better, without having to be hard spankings. Shock value goes a long way.

I think that if you spank too much, or for trivial things, or too hard, or not hard enough, it does not help discipline at all. In fact, it can damage it.

And to the person that said spanking is no longer present in our schools, so the threat is removed there... spanking is present in my school, because if I get a report about a major rule breaking at school that meets my criteria for severly bad behavior, they get a spanking when they walk in the door at home. I have made it a point to tell the teachers that although they cannot deliver a spanking, they can order one, and I will deliver it. My kids know it too.

Answer 2

I am one of the anti-spankers and this is my reasoning. When you spank your child, you may be training them to obey you but what happens when they go to school where they don't spank anymore? That "fear" that you speak about isn't in the school systems anymore. I was spanked as a child but also knew the principal had a paddle and could do the same. Now there are too many lawsuits so the schools don't dare get involved. That is why I had to adjust my way of disciplining to get my children ready for school and a totally different environment. They need to obey their teachers too and the only way this will happen is if they learn that respect is of the utmost importance and the way to show respect towards your teachers is to behave. I have never had any problems out of my children (two boys ages 11 and 9 and a 10 month old daughter). They have never been to the principals office, have never gotten in trouble on the school bus. I always get wonderful compliments about how well behaved they are. And that doesn't come from fear. That comes from respecting me and also not wanting to disappoint me. That is a much worse punishment, Mommy being disappointed, than any "corporal" punishment.

Answer 3

I see nothing wrong with spanking. It can be used as PART of desipline for a child.
My siblings and I were spanked as children when we did something wrong. I now have a 3.5 yr old and a 1 yr old. The youngest doesnt yet know exactly what right/wrong is yet so he is only told no. However, the 3.5 year old does know what right/wrong is and she knows what happens if she gets out of line. First she is told no, second time warrents a time out. If she does it again after already being told no and given a time out she gets a swat on the rear.
My siblings and I never feared our parents because we were spanked. Our daughter doesnt fear us for the spanks she gets. She is a very well behaved child and I'd say that just telling her "no" works about 75% of the time.

Answer 4

Here is a question that i would ask you. What is the point of spanking your child? Sure if they are warned and warned..they will do it again. So spank them? They are at an age where they are discovering that they are their own person. So when they realize that "hey i dont necessarily HAVE to do what mom says.." of course they are going to test their boundaries. But my child is nearly two and i have NEVER spanked her. I think that is the problem with young adults these days..but thats a different story. I dont want my child to think..."Well i cant climb up the stairs because my mom will smack me if i do" I want her to think "i cant climb the stairs or i'll go BOOM!" and my child at 2 years understands what that means. I always give her clear choices. and then i let her know what the consequence will be. For example...if she is coloring and she trys to color something other than paper i will say...only color on your paper or i will take them away. She has a choice. if she chooses to color on the wall, well then i take her crayons away. and its over. she can cry and throw a fit all she wants, its not going to change the fact that she is done coloring. Then the next time she does the same thing if i tell her i will take them away..she colors nicely..no problem. Spanking your child is a quick fix for lazy parents.Persistence and teaching is the key. and spanking them does not make them respect you. it makes them afraid of getting smacked. You must earn respect. It is true with your boss, your friends, your spouse, and its true with your child. You want respect? EARN it. A fear based relationship is a scary one. Someday they will outgrow the fear. But someone will never outgrow the knowledge of cause and effect, and respect. look up attachment parenting. this is the method i believe all parents should use to have a healthy, trusting, and loving relationship with their child.

oh and crenshaw up there must not be a parent, or they would realize that parenting is not about CONTROL!! and i do not spank my child and she is well behaved. I do not "plead or beg my child to behave" she doesnt act up in the store because she is too busy helping me pick out things or putting things in the cart. Its the parent that expects the child to be quiet and walk alongside them like a little adult. not to touch anything, not to want anything and then they are pleading for them to behave when they dont....at least until they can get them to the car for a whooping. That child knows that parent wont do anything in the store...of course..theyre not going to get HIT in the store. And hitting...isnt that the only consequence your teaching your kids by spanking them?

Answer 5

I think spanking is perfectly acceptable...as long as it involves the palm of your hand and a little round, padded behind. :) I don't believe in beating children about the head or face, or using any "equipment" (belts, wooden spoons, etc.) When my kids are old enough, and when it's truly deserved, I fully intend to spank them.

I don't think children under the age of 3 should be spanked though...even though they may know what they've done wrong, it's still confusing for them and...I don't know. It just seems wrong to me. I figure by the time the child is three, they're probably speaking clearly and forming sentences, so they can tell me what they did was wrong and why it was wrong, they'll definitely understand when I tell them why I spanked them, and they might learn something from it!

I think spanking is a good thing for certain problems. I don't intend to spank my kids for every single thing they do wrong...just the important/dangerous stuff (i.e. I find them playing with matches).

Answer 6

I don't see anything wrong with spankings. What some people fail to realize is that there is a difference between "spankings" and "beatings"

I was spanked and I turned out great. I am 24, graduated from college, no kids, live on my own, and I was raised below the poverty line. My mom disciplined all of her kids and we did not run wild like other children around us.

Spanking is supported by the bible "Spare the rod, spoil the child"

Answer 7

Well I believe in a good butt smack....lol. There is a major difference between a smack and abuse. If my daughter needs her butt smacked, she will get it. I don't bend her over and use a paddle and swing with all my might. Right now a little swat once or twice and she gets the picture. I don't however believe that these should leave marks and I will NEVER smack my child if I am angry or upset. As long as it is with good intentions there is no harm.
Oh, and just to clarify, I never spank my child first. As a general rule when you misbehave/do something bad etc. A warning comes first, then time out comes (possibly a toy in time out too, if say she is throwing something at someone, the toy gets time out too) and I always try redirection. Spanking is a last resort for me and usually I never have to go that far.

Answer 8

I have a simple rule for this. When a child misbehaves I warn them, when they do it again I punish with timeout, no toys, etc..., but when I tell them to do something and they don't do what I tell them, or they tell me no, they get spanked.

You can't be a paper tiger. Kids are smarter than that. They MUST know there is a real threat of a woopin', just warning them with a spanking will eventually be ineffective if you don't ever do it.

One other thing. It solely depends on the child. Some children may not need to be spanked, where as it is necessary for others. Everybody is different, including children.

Answer 9

I never spanked my child and she is 32yrs old and has always had the utmost respect for me. I could reason with her from a very young age and I took the time to tell her why something was not acceptable and didnt spank her. Just because you were spanked as a child is no reason to continue this barbaric practice.I would never want my child to fear me.thats assinine...People I fear I do not trust,and I want my childs trust not her fear. you are saying that might makes right ,and that simply isnt true. I feel very sorry for you that you do not see the difference in teaching a child right from wrong by example and reason and resorting to beating a child. What age is to young to hit ? When do you stop ? Is there a CPS in your area?

Answer 10

I would love to see the kids of anti-spanking parents. This is the parents that you see in the stores begging their kids to behave. I agree with you, some of these people are taking these comments and BLOWING them out of the water. Not any parent in their right mind is going to beat their child spanking is normally any parents last resort and is reinforcement when reasoning did not work. ALL CHILDREN are different and that means different forms of punishment. I would love to see a parent REASON with an a/d/d child or a/d/h/d child. WAKE UP parents yes you have a relationship with your child but it still needs to contain respect authority and control.

Answer 11

To talk of hitting a baby at 15 months is just sick.

I also think having the beleif that you child should 'fear' you is sick.

Most of your views are warped and I think relying on spanking is LAZY. How on earth will your child grow up being able to reason with people and have proper communications.

You say spanking didn't effect you - take a look in the mirror hun your screwed in the head!