Cheating fiance???????

Question

this might be kind of long.
I am currently over seas with my fiance. She has accused me of checking up on her all of the time, but i don't. Since she has been accusing me of it then i did. We share the same computer so I got on to the history and saw that she is logging into her ex-boyfriends email account. This guy is also the biological father of her little boy that she wants me to adopt when we get home. he has never done anything good for her or our child. She has told me and her family on numerous occasions that she wants nothing to do with this guy. I can't figure out why she is getting in to his email account, unless they are leaving messages on there for eachother. if she is doing this it is going to ruin the chance of me adopting her son, because in the state we live in there has to me no contact what so ever with him for 3 years before we can try for an adoption. Im trying to figure out what to do about this, I can't ask her cause she will just get mad at me ANY SUGGESTIONS

Answer 1

You sound like a very sincere man, that knows what he wants. On the other hand your fiance sounds like she doesn't know what she wants! If she really didnt want anything to do with the father of her son, she would be honest with you and let you know why she is in his email account. She is very fortunate to have found a man who is willing to recognize her son as his own. I think that you should confront this woman, an if she has nothing to hide she will let you know whats going on. And if she is hiding something -- then i suggest you just move on and find someone who truly appreciates you.

Answer 2

Do not adopt the child. Love him as your own, but don't take legal responsibility right now. You can always adopt him later. It doesn't sound like you two have a lot of trust between you, nor opennes about your past. Please resolve all of these things before you get married or you will have a rocky start. It is quite likely that she is cheating, but she could also have another reason. Either way, you have to get to the bottom of this. I know you said you can't ask her, or she will get mad. But if that is the case, why are you marrying her?

Answer 3

I suspect that she is just curious about it and might be a bit noisy about his ex busness but I honestly don't think that there is nothing there to be concerned.
You are jumpimg into conclusions and is not fair to come up with this outlandish idea about her wanting to be with her ex whil eyou are adopting their son? That is just so plain ridicoulus. Jealosy is a bad advisor and it seems to me that you are just unsure and afraid of the choices that you are making.

By all means, you have to clear the air up, otherwise, the mistrust and the axiaty of not jknowing what's up will corrode your relationship. The grude and the suspiction will just keep on growing and it will get worse, utimatley ruining your relationship.

You have a choice: ask her and know the truth or keep on spying on her and making your own conclusions.

We are talking here about a serious commitment and you have to be sure. You will only know if you ask.

Good luck.

Answer 4

If she's doing that, it should be ruining the chance of you making a lifelong commitment to her...not only about the adoption. If she wanted to leave messages for him, she would probably be doing it through her email account (emailing him).....but it's still VERY questionable behaviour why she is doing it at all. Does she have messenger? Have you checked that?

Answer 5

She may just be checking up on his email account to see what HE is up too. Haven't you ever been curious about what an ex is doing and who they are with? I doubt they are leaving messages for each other. If they were communicating why wouldn't she just call him or email him, instead of logging into his account. Chances are you have nothing to worry about...your fiance is just a little too nosey. :) Good Luck.

Answer 6

Tell her you know-dont get angry or upset, dont argue. Just tell her what you saw, and that when she is ready to talk about it, you'll be there. It puts it in her court, and she cant deny the facts. Just use the facts. And make sure to understand her motivations before you adopt this child, or get married to a woman who is not being honest with you. This is what we call a RED FLAG!

Answer 7

i would get out of the relationship while you still have a chance, if you cannot trust her now what makes you think you can later on in life? my fiance and i can tell eachother and talk about anything. because we are honest. she already has a kid with a loser, and she still has somthing for him, and she will just hurt you. most people that assume their partner is cheating and get worried are usualy cheating themselfs, they make their partner look bad by keeping the focus off themselfs! Good luck!! :)

Answer 8

we or should i say you should not jump into conclusions.i know doubting is a feeling which is hard to ignore.but at all cost,try to talk about it..properly.about the adoption of the boy,think about it over and over again.don't just let your heart decide..use your mind.don't think and live only for the present..include your own future as well..look and analyze every possible angles or the pros and cons of your decision.i know its hard..maybe she is having a communication to his ex for any related cause for his child..or could be worse than that..if your not sure of marrying her and has made a final decision on calling off the wedding,better be sure of it..or else,you're just putting yourself on a very embarrassing situation..goodluck!

Answer 9

Don't get in over your head! Talk to her about your concerns. Ask her if she is really over her ex. Be nice about it.

My ex used to e-mail and meet random chick like at the mall and stuff. I confronted him and it stopped. But we aren't together anymore. Thank god!

Answer 10

The best thing to do is talk to her about it. But then again you could talk to HIM about it and see.. A guilty conscience always tells the truth.