How do I tell some one that we don't want their kids around our kids?

Question

I do day care, and I used to watch a little girl over the school year last year. She is the most disrespectful, destructive, and ill tempered child I've ever come across. I worked with this little girl for months and months to get her to start following rules and just as she starts to behave for me, her mother decides to keep her home. Now she's probably 100 times worse than she was when she started comming. I had her one day last week and she destroyed my house, broke toys, and didn't listen to a word any one said. I don't want her violent behavior to influence my daughter or any of the other kids I watch at all. I've been told to just tell her that we don't want her around our children, but how do you do it with out sounding so mean?

Answer 1

An age old issue. I think we all have to deal with this kind of problem some time or another.

Under less severe circumstances I would say to talk to the mother about how sometimes children don't get along and yours don't. But, that doesn't mean you blame her in any way. (The sandwich effect). The problem is the situation is much bigger than that and is going to require a different approach. It may sound mean, but the mom might need to hear that her daughter is out of control. (On the other hand she might hear it all the time and just needs a shoulder to cry on).

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Do you watch this child in a day care setting? If you do, do you have some sort of discipline policy? I know with my children's day care if the problems continue they have an option to not continue offering services. If the child isn't a day care child and is just coming over to play with your children. Lay down the rules with her. For hitting, kicking, punching, or anything violent I would immediately send her home. For anything else I would use 123 magic. I would also let the child know what will happen if she acts like this at your house. I would also inform the mother too.

Answer 3

is it possible that this little girl has a bad home life? kids mimic what they see and if she sees her parent(s) behaving like that, its no wonder she is behaving the same way. if that is the case, the little girl may need a good role model to get her on the right track. its possible, too, that her parents just let her get away with everything, so she presses her luck at every opportunity. chances are that her behavior is not going to influence the behavior of the other children, particularly if they see her getting in trouble. if they watch her sitting in time out while they get to play their games, they will probably avoid behaving like that for fear of the same consequences. I'm sure you've done what you can to make it clear to the little girl that her actions are unacceptable, and sometimes there is nothing more that you can do.
if you truly are at the end of your patience with her, you need to call her parents in and give them specific reasons why her behavior is unacceptable and tell them what you have tried to do to correct it. no parent likes to hear that their child is not perfect, so its not going to be easy, but if you give them specifics and tell them that you just CAN'T put the other children at risk because of her violence, instead of just saying "your child is uncontrollable", they may be more understanding of your position.

Answer 4

Why don't you asked the family to work together to find a solution. Does anyone give the child "positive strokes." In other words, when she does something positive does anyone say "good job" or "I'm proud of you." Or do you recognize her when she does bad. If you give + strokes she most likely do the + behavior to hear them again. How is her diet??? That can make a difference. Does she have emotional or medical problems??? That is a question you may bring up at the next Dr. visit. When she toss a toy disrespectfully, don't TELL her to pick it up because you want her to but ASK her because it is her responsibility (get her to pick up because she wants to and be consistent).

Answer 5

Sounds like that the child needs a good old tale whipping. As it says in the bible spare the rod AND spoil the child. Just tell the parents that they have to pay for all of the broke toys and not to bring the child back until it is better mannered.

Answer 6

We have the same problem with our daycare. There's a little girl there who's totally disruptive and totally throws off the dynamic of the whole group. Confrontation is never fun and it's especially never fun to tell someone their child is Satan's spawn. Maybe tell her that the behaviors in her daughter are just more than you can handle and you believe she needs a higher level of care than what you can provide. Remember, this is your income and your business. You have a responsibility to protect the kids your watching and to provide a safe, happy environment for them. This little girl is making you compromise that.

Answer 7

Well ask yourself this; "Do I want to lose my other clients because of this little girl?" The others are correct....bite the bullit and tell the mom that you cannot watch her child anymore. Be prepared to give her the "why" answer too. Everything that you said in your question should be sufficient. If she went to a facility with a child like that they'd tell her not to bring her daughter back.
You, as a caregiver, have the right to protect your investment.

Answer 8

Just like I did. I dont mean to sound like a btch but your kid is disrespectful, mean and doesnt listen. Also, my son is acting crazy like your kid and I dont put up with it and I dont know who puts up with it. I like you as a friend but if you cant make your kid mind and act right I dont want my son around your daughter. If you cant accept that then I am sorry but we cant be friends. And then if they say something smart back to you then say well cant you tell that everyone else has a problem with your kid too? That is why everywhere you go people look at you and your kid is 7 old enough to know layin on the ground kicking and screaming b/c she didnt get a quarter for gum is acceptable. That is just bad parenting. Well that is what I said. I'm sorry I dont want my son acting like a brat or crazy infront of people and especially in front of me. Good luck

Answer 9

sometimes things like that you gotta just say! There are no "If's, and's or but's" about any of it. Just be as polite as you can be to the parents and just tell them, "Hey look, your daughter has a bad habit here and I really don't think her behavior is tolerant around here. I don't want any other child to act or react to her behavior and I don't want anymore stuff broken of mine, unless you want to start paying for the things she ruins as well as paying me for watching her." Its not so much her fault, maybe its her parents? Or something going on with them...?? Child abuse? Child neglect? Molestation?? I'd check in on it and find out...maybe mom and dad are fighting in front of her and she is really really hurt. Sometimes if you spend a little one on one with the child who's troubled and/or are trouble they have reasons behind it. I have a ten year old neice who sometimes acts like she's 2 and sometimes like she's 16 or 19 or even a little slutty. I found out that she was being molested plus her parents were having some problems, on top of it, my sister was very abusive to her kids. Plus neglective. They hurt too..and maybe she's having her world come down on her. She don't understand good and bad...or even being naughty. She's just going threw some things...with or without understanding.

Answer 10

You talk to the mother, and explain to her that he daughter is destructive, and that you have other children there that you are responsible for, and you don't want her daughter there. You are protecting the other children that are there. I'd be choked if I was a parent paying you to watch my child, and there was a possibility of my child getting hurt