I am 21 and have a son?

Question

I am 21 years of age and have a son. Everything has been difficult lately because I am still in school (starting again in the fall) and I've been busy. Also, aside from school, I don't really have time for fun. Every guy that I meet seems to no longer be interested in me once they find out that I have a child. Is there something wrong with women with children?
Everybody tells me that I don't look like I would have any children considering that I am so young, look so young, and am so skinny. I just want my life back. Being a mother can sometimes be depressing because i don't have time for anything else aside from mothering my child. I just want to feel young. I want people to like me.
What should I do? Am I suddenly no longer attractive because I have a son?

Just to let you know, I love my son Marlon Blair more than anything and when I said "I want my life back" I did not mean that I don't want him. I love him. Also, in case you are wondering, The reason I had him so early is because i've always wanted children, NOT because I am pro-life. I am not pro-life and have had 2 abortions in the past.

This is the real question:

If you met a woman who is physically AND mentally attractive (her personality), and later found out she has a child, would that change your opinions about her, and make you see her as unattractive?

Answer 1

How old is your son? I am sorry you're feeling so down right now. Of course now that you are a mother you should put him as a priority, which sucks, I know, but don't forget to give yourself some time too. If you can leave him with a babysitter for a couple hours, go get your nails and hair done, go get a massage, go for a cup of coffee with your girlfriends, but honestly, right now is probably not the best time to have a bf, dedicate yourself to your school and to your son, and with time you'll find someone who to be with, someone who you'll be proud to have around as a role model for your son...but don't rush it...

Answer 2

I too was very young when I had my first child, alot younger than you are now. I am in my early 30's and people still think my daughter is my sister, it makes her mad but i dont mind. It makes me feel great when people tell me I dont look old enough to have children (i have 2)

You can still have a life, can you ask someone to watch your child for a night so you can have some fun? I agree you do need some fun but your first priority is your child. This is the problem women get pregnant at a young age and then whine because they cant meet anyone, well the person you are interested in has to be willing to except your child as well, remember you are a package deal, and your child did not ask to be born. YOU made that decision.

You will meet someone, give it time. You are only 21 for petes sakes.
I will be getting married soon to a wonderful man who loves me AND my children. Don't give up!

People should like you for you, quit trying to change. Be yourself.

Answer 3

Well. first off you are not a hoe. When you feel like it is the right time to have children, that is your choice. 21 is still a very young age. You have your whole life ahead of you as well as your child's. Enjoy evey moment you have with him. They grow up fast. You will find the right man to spend the rest of your life with, you are just looking too hard. Relax. Not all men dislike the fact that a woman has a child from a previous relationship. They just might think that you still love the daddy and they don't want to get in between a father son mother relationship. Take time and quit looking. They will find you. And do be open about the fact you have a child. Good luck.

Answer 4

Funny to hear how a lot of women want to have a child at an early stage in their lives. It is hard being a single parent and still wanting to finish school. But you chose this lifestyle, and you must live with it. You can still have your cake and eat it too. Was this a planed pregnancy? Where is the father in all this? Your own parents can help with some of the stress. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that still like and love you. As far as being attractive, I'm sure you are, that really has nothing to do with it. You are still young enough to finish school, start your career, enjoy your little boy, and have some fun. You just need to learn how to organize your life. I truly hope you have fun with your little boy, he is all you have that is truly yours. Make the best of his and your time the most precious. One last thing, try not to get pregnant again.

Answer 5

It's not that having a son makes you unattractive, the problem is that most guys arent ready for that type of responsibilty at that age. I had a daughter when I was 21 and alot of guys were turned off about it. There were also guys that didnt mind. Ultimatly you will find a guy who loves you and accepts everythign about you and will love your son too and that will be the one you were meant to be with. Be patient and it will all fall into place.
The way you feel is perfectly normal for a young mother. It is hard not to feel like you are useless except for a being a mom, and it is normal to feel isolated becasue you dont really fit in with your friends anymore...so dont get so down on your self!

Answer 6

I was your age when I became a 1st time father. I wasn't quite ready for it, & I still feel a little anger at myself for not taking more care to make sure that I wasn't a father until the time was right for me. In spite of all of that, I stuck around & raised my son, & now he is married, & I am a very proud & happy Grandfather to a beautiful 6 year old granddaughter. I sympathize with your plight, but you have to realize that most guys your age aren't ready to get married let alone take on a ready made family. You are probably a very attractive young woman, but with a child, you have significantly reduced the number of guys your age who will want to start a long term relationship with you. When you say, you want your life back, do you mean you wish you never had your son? When my son came along, I knew that my life had changed from that moment on, & I would have to decide whether or not I was going to enjoy it, or end up hating my life. You have taken on an awsome responsibility, it's another human life you have there in your son. If you aren't ready to be a mom, then be honest, & put him up for adoption. That would be better for him than you resenting him for all of his life. Your last 4 sentences in your question speaks volumes to the idea that you really aren't ready to be a mom. If you are determined to raise your son, then you must seek some councilling to deal with the obvious resentments you are feeling over having lost your youthfull freedom. Your son will need you to turn your focus from yourself & your needs, to his in order for you to become an effective parent. Seek out a support group for unwed mothers. I hope that any young people who aren't practicing safe sex read your question, I am sure it will help them out a lot in preventing an unplanned pregnancy.

Answer 7

Well first of all when you have a child everything is different and you can not think that everything will always be the same. I understand you want to live life and you can with your son. Not all guys are like that if a guy really likes you he will like you for you and your son. So don't make it like it you it is those guy cause now or days everybody has kids it hard to find and man or a woman without kids.

Answer 8

Not less attractive, but less appealing. Your peers are most likely boys who haven't fully matured mentally, or emotionally, which is normal - they're barely adults. Many of them, if they're not fathers already (even some who are) will look to you and automatically think that you're looking for someone to take care of you and your son. And it may not be true - but trying to talk sense into a 21 year old boy is almost like talking to a brick wall. It sucks, but that's the breaks. Best thing right now is focus on your baby boy and keep getting your program together. You're still very young. And down the line, you'll meet someone who will admire your strength and find that to be a very attractive quality.

Answer 9

theres not much u can do now u already have the kid. and unfortunantly there are a majority of men that do not like women with children. i have no clue. i am a women and i and 21 yrs old but i have 2 kids. and it seems that now noone looks at me as before even though i am married guys still used to look at me untill i had my kids.. it some stupid stuff. but u will find a man. it will take time but uu need to find a guy that will love u and ur son..
yeah theres not much time for fun whenu have kids. but what kinda fun do u want to have.. all u have to do is learn to wor around things i still have fun even know i have 2 kids at 21.. what ddo u want to do go get drunk or something.. that not something a mother should do anyways its also not cool to drink and u can still have fun u just have to bring ur son with u.. how old is ur son aanyways??

if u would like to talk more feel free to email me or message me on messanger [e-mail]

Answer 10

and this is what you face when you become pregnant and have a child at such an young age. You are still a child and have some growing up to do, but now you are forced to be a grown up and mother your child only. You cant really do anything about that but just wait for someone to come along and accept you. They are out there you have to be patient.

I dont think you are unattractive because you have a son, some people might just have their own prefrences.

Answer 11

OK life sucks then you die right....well while your still here take care of your child...it will pay off in the end.not to say that you already don't but I'm just saying to enjoy it it's the best thing you will ever experience ...you will have your life back when your baby is older.