What is the funniest Joke you have ever heard?

Question

im bored and want a good laugh... Red neck jokes to plz!!

ohh you doin baby jokes lol i got one

whats worse then 5 dead babies on one tree?

one dead babie on 5 trees

monk story isnt that funny ; ;

i got another one:

There were theese two kids in gradeschool who were eating chicken and the girl says to the boy im not eating any more chicken and the boy asks why not? the girl whispers thim "I am growing feathers down there" so the boy says NO WAY show me so the girl takes the boy behind a shed and pulls down her pants and the boy takes a look and says yup your growing feathers, so the girl says well i better check you sthe boy pulls down his pants and the girl says "Might be to late for you, you already have the head and giblets".

lol

Answer 1

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think...

I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep,

he hears a strange sound. The next morning,

he asks the monks what the sound was,

but they say, We can't tell you.

You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway

and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down

in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him,

even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange noise

that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is,

but the monks reply, We can't tell you.

You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right.

I'm dying to know. If the only way

I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk,

how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, You must travel the earth

and tell us how many blades of grass there are

and the exact number of sand pebbles.

When you find these numbers,

you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task.

Some forty-five years later,

he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.

He says, I have traveled the earth

and have found what you have asked for.

There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass

and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations.

You are now a monk. We shall now show you

the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door,

where the head monk says,

The sound is right behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob,

but the door is locked. He says, Real funny.

May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it,

only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks,

who provide it. Behind that door is another

door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through

doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say,

This is the last key to the last door.

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door,

turns the knob,

and behind that door

he is amazed to find

the source of that strange sound is...

But I can't tell you what it is because

you're not a monk.

Answer 2

Not the funniest 'ever' however I'll let you know the fine I've heard of up to date - A guy walks right into a pub and sits down. The barman asks if he could like a drink, he thank you him and asks for a lager. They speak, and comic story and as soon as the person has completed his drink the barman requests his cash. The guy, nevertheless, refuses. He replies 'I got here into this bar, and also you supplied me a drink Now, you acknowledged not anything approximately cash. If you had been to stroll right into a bar and get supplied a drink, could you count on to have got to pay afterwards? Look, I'm a attorney. You can take this extra, however I can let you know this totally free - you do not need a leg to face on.' The barman, apoplectic, needs the person depart and on no account come again. The guy does so. A week later, the identical guy returns to the bar. The barman instantly needs he depart as soon as once more, yelling the chances at him and rambling approximately how he had conned him out of his cash. However, the person appears baffled. 'I have no idea what you are speakme approximately. I have on no account been right here earlier than in my lifestyles.' At first, the barman refuses to consider it, however finally he does and appears slightly embarrassed. 'Oh. Well then..I am sorry. You ought to have a double.' 'Thanks'. responded the person, 'I'll have a whisky'.

Answer 3

there was a irish, a mexican, and a blonde. The irish guy had corn-beef and cabbage. He said if i corn-beef and cabbage again tomorrow i'm jumping off a tall building. The Mexican guy had a burrito. He said if i have another burrito tomorrow i'm going to jump off a building. The blonde guy had a bologna sandwich. He said if i have another sandwich i will jump off the building tomorrow. Late that night the luches were packed. Next day the three guys had the same thing yesterday and they jumped off the building and they all died. Then next day was the funeral. The irishes and the mexicans wives were crying but the blonde's wife wasn't. they said how come your not crying. she said he packed his own lunch.

Answer 4

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Bush: you are either on our side, or on the terrorists' side

Answer 5

WHY DID THE BABY CROSS THE ROAD...

Answer 6

yo mamma is so fat she fell in luv and broke it