My 3 year old.....?

Question

I am a single parent of a 3 year old little boy. Wonderfule little boy until he acts up, then he turns a 180 on me and yells at me, tells me no, whines, cries, stomps, yells, until he gets his own way. I have read a book call 123 Magic, effective displine, and it based on the "123" method. Works most of the time, but I want something a little more solid. Any sugestions?

Also, I am trying the whole not spanking him thing, and it works, but due to my past, I would rather not.....Mom wasn't the greatest to me and I want to be the best for him.

Answer 1

Make sure that you never, EVER give him what he wants if he behaves that way. Tell him if he acts out, he isn't going to get X until.... Give him a warning, and give him an end. If a child doesn't see an end to the punishment he or she won't turn it around. I suggest a time frame. "If you don't stop I won't let you have a cookie until tomorrow." Something like that. Main thing is never to reward the behavior.

Answer 2

I understand why parents with a bad history do not spank their kids, but when spanking is used with good judgment can sometimes be the most effective form of discipline. In my opinion in some cases of misbehavior a spanking is like a wake up call to the child. Like with your son when he is pitching a fit a light pop on the hand, leg, or behind would be a message that the behavior is not acceptable. In my opinion most parents can distinguish the difference between spanking and beating. Especially if your child has never had a spanking it might bring that unwanted behavior to a screeching halt. There is no shame in trying it to see what kind of results you receive. Just because you spank your child does not mean that you don't love him, or you don't want the best for him, instead it means that you do love him and you don't want him to misbehave. No spanking is not the only way to punish but when you have tried everything else what do you do, you can't just ignore the behavior. Hope everything works out for the best, and no offense I have seen that this is a touchy subject on this website.

Answer 3

No matter what form of discipline you use the most scarring happens if you discipline the child in anger, if you don't then you should be fine, if you do, then you need a time out first to get yourself under control.

That is usual for 3 years old. I think that a time-out is an effective tool for most kids that age.

One thing that might help us figure out how to help is to know the frequency of these things. Is it just a 3 year-old thing or does it seem excessive. If it is just a 3 year-old thing then I think you already have the tools that will work the best for your child.

If it seems excessive then it might be a variety of things that could help with prevention of tantrums. One thing that my mom does with my nephew is give warning before yanking him out of what he is doing. If he is playing and she needs to go to the store she will tell him that they are going to the store in 10 min. Then 5 min later she lets him know that he only has 5 more min. Then she'll go up to him and say it's time to go bye-bye and to get his shoes on. If he says "wait" then she'll give him another minute or so because she wants him to respect "wait" when she says it.

There are a lot of things like this that if you think like a 3 year-old it makes it easier to manage. Realize that he is a little person and has his own goals and that while those goals shouldn't necessarily be given into, they should at least be respected.

Answer 4

I am not familiar with the book but I am think the counting method??? Counting will only bite you in the butt!! When the child learns that counting back at you will make you mad, then you are back at square one!!

Try the naughty stool or naughty carpet or sitting on the bottom step of the stairs. If he starts acting up take him to either one and explain (calmly) why he is there. Give him 5 min. and come back ask for an apology then let him be on his merry little way. Keep it consistent, dont change your mind on how to discipline because that will only confuse the child. What one parent does the other should do as well.
Good Luck

Answer 5

Ashley,
I'm an "Old School Dad" so what I'm about to say will get an argument from many "modern parents." That little boy is your responsibility until he's able to take care of himself. That's the key phrase, "Take care of himself." You have to figure out a way to guide him to that place in his life where he eventually is able to "Take care of himself."
Fortunately you have potentially several years to work with, but try to keep things in perspective. Right now he's not capable of making important decisions about very many things.
People will have loads of advice for you about raising your son, (especially because you're a single parent) but the bottom line is he is YOUR responsibility and it's YOU who must decide what you think is best for him.
A 3-tear old temper tantrum is NORMAL. You have to make the call on how you're going to deal with it. Just remember never, ever, EVER discipline your child in anger. Spanking is not a bad thing if you are in control. A threat from Mom is useless if there's no consequence. I always weighed the severity of the consequences of what my children were doing against a swat on the butt. If it was merited they got spanked. Whatever you decide, BE CONSISTENT!!!
Read all of the books you want and pick the brains of all of the "experienced parents" that you know, and keep an open mind. Always put your son's welfare first and love him with all your might.
Here's a real toughie; "Never allow him to cause himself harm, but don't be over-protective." That takes patience, diligence, and "368, 25-8 committment".
There's no one instruction book that could possibly cover everything, and being a parent is the toughest job there is, but it is do-able. Just try to remember that right now he's totally dependent on you, as he grows and you guide him and teach him right from wrong, he will become less and less dependent on you. Until finally he becomes the man that you've guided into a stable, well-adjusted, adult, able to "Take care of himself."

Answer 6

You are the one that has created this little monster now you need to take control of him again. You said "he yells, tells me no, whines, cries, stomps, yells, until he gets his own way"---well stop giving him his own way! You need to put your foot down. Don't give in to his little tantrums. Just walk away and ignore him. If he tells you no then spank him. People think spanking is abuse but it's not. If you spank him then you'll have his attention and you can say whatever you want to him whether it be "I said no" or "Stop that" he'll get the point. Kids who have any other form of discipline grow up to be extremely unruly (trust me, I've seen it) and they walk all over their parents just like your child is starting to do now. Ignore the tantrums, spank for bad behavior and back talking, and be the parent.

Answer 7

My oldest son had a horrible temper when he was that age. I don't know the 123 Magic book so I can't really help with that. For us, we used time out very effectivly and very consistantly, as soon as he started a tantrum he had to sit in time out. He could throw his fit there but he knew I didn't start the timer until his fit was over. The most important thing is never give him what he wants if he's throwing a fit. Period. Never. You lose the battle if you do and it teaches him that that's how to get what he wants.

Answer 8

I have a 4 year old and 2 1/2 year old boys and i know what you are going through.. the book you have read is a good book!!
It just takes time and patience.... Just be consistent.. don't give up!!
What works with my 4 year old is once he calms down i ask him, "how would it make you feel if mommy talked to you the way you talked to me?" then take it from there.. usually what happens is he somewhat understands and then he apologizes for how he acted.. Like i said it works sometimes(most of the time)
Hope This Helps!!!

Answer 9

I used the count to three method also but you have to follow through every time on it otherwise your just reinforcing the bad behavior. After three I would take away their favorite thing,( t.v., gameboy, bike, snacks, desert, etc.) then they started waiting until I got to two and a half before they listened, After telling them that I was changing the rules, I started counting to only two. After a while I stoped counting because I didn't need to.
If you just send them to their room on three, they go and lay down or play in their room. It doesn't really effect them, but take away tv for a day or two and they learn.
I also would stand them in time out. Make them stand against a wall in the same room you are in. The first offense of the day was 5 min. the second was 10, then 15. I got up to 20 min with one kid and 35 with the other. After those long time out days, the behavior started getting better. The times started to go back down.
I also taught them manners by making them say thank you when I handed them something. If I pour them a cup of juice, I wouldn't let go until they said thank you. They always say it now, to everyone.
After the punishment, sit down with your child and explain exactly what they did wrong and why it was wrong. Let them know that you don't like to punish them and that you are protecting them. Make sure they understand what just happened.
Never use hurtful phrases like... I hate you, I'm ashamed of you, You disapoint me, etc. these phrases stay with them a lifetime, and don't compair them to other kids, every child is different.

Answer 10

First of all, he's 3. Hes going to go through stages. Secondly, if you are going to discipline him you need to be consistent. The 1,2,3 method works great for the kids I nanny but sometimes I do need to be a little more strict and firm. It helps to say "You MAY NOT do that" or "That is NOT okay". Lastly, pick your battles. Don't argue over every little thing he does "wrong". Let some things slide but when it is important to you go for it. You are the parent, you are in charge not you 3 year old son.
Good luck