Been going out with this girl for about a month now and the sex is very very bad. I've been holding out hope that it will get better as we grow closer together but it hasn't. I'm not asking for extraordinary sex here, but 95% of the time, I'm doing everything and she is just sitting there directing traffic. The second I do something not to her exact liking, she will correct me like I'm a 5 year old. Basically she is being stubborn and only worrys about herself being taken care of. There is a basic outline that we follow everytime and it's already getting old and I'm starting to lose interest. Any suggestions on how I can relay the message to her.that I want to change things up a bit? I do satisfy her, but the same can't also be said for me. I have already lied about not being able to perform because simply put, I'm frustrated and turned off.
PS - "I'm" not the problem. I've had a couple partners before (one for 3 years) and they had absolutely no problem at all
2006-07-24 07:16:48 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
and I just want to say I'm not selfish either. I put in exactly what I get out of it. I believe in an equal playing field. Whatever she gives to me, I will give right back.
I want someone to have as much passion as I do.
2006-07-24 07:24:16 · update #1
She sounds like a self-centered cow ... ditch her and find someone who is willing to give as well as receive.
Guys usually like a girl who can be honest and open when talking about what she likes ... but no one wants to date a traffic warden. Why don't you try laying on your back and directing her ... if she gets grumpy and throws a tantrum, tell her to put her clothes on and leave, for good!
2006-07-24 07:20:12 · answer #1 · answered by ♪ Nickels ♪ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The key to "awesome" sex is communication. You can communicate with body language and verbally as well.
I would take notes, and make an outline about what specifically needs to be addressed (so as not to get side-tracked, to appear serious and to not forget any points)
Let your GF know you want to schedule a specific time (not in the bedroom or when naked!) to discuss your relationship.
Since the problem is physical, then body language communication is out. So, this meeting you plan has to be done with care and without blame.
This is a sensitive issue that many people have. It is the reason behind many failed marriages.
If your GF is unwilling to listen, discuss or attempt to work with you on addressing certain specifics, like what she could do to satisfy you, etc.. You may have to kick her to the curb because a relationship with someone this immature or selfish will not work in the long-run anyway.
2006-07-24 07:29:57 · answer #2 · answered by mamisalami 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that she is "directing traffic", but maybe she is just trying to communicate what she likes? Perhaps she is coming off too bossy though or you are being overly sensitive? I say this because I like to tell the guy in explicit detail what I like, and I like for him to tell me what he likes as well...nobody is a mind reader and being shy will get you nowhere. However, sounds like the sex is just straight up boring or focused just on her. Mix it up a little bit and try different locations, different positions, sex toys and dirty movies if you are both comfortable with that, etc. Ask her what it would take to get off on pleasing you. Oral sex may not be the most pleasant and comfortable thing for the giver, but if you really care about somebody, you will do it to help them get off and you will enjoy it, or at least try to. Communication is the most important thing. Oh, and don't listen to the fool who told you to wait to get married before having sex...how would you like to marry someone and then find out that the sex is terrible and that they don't have an interest in improving? Better to find out early on in the relationship before you waste any more time.
2006-07-24 07:38:56 · answer #3 · answered by NA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're close enough to be having sex, then you're close enough to discuss this as adults. Let her know how you feel about her overall...how much you like her and how much (assuming its true) you'd like your relationship to continue and grow BUT the area of sex needs some work...
Don't place blame or accuse...tell her you'd like a more active and 'directive' role in y'alls sex life...let her know there are things you want to do/try with her and it may vary a bit from what she usually seems to prefer, but sex is about both people and so you hope she'll be open minded and see where you take things...
If she won't budge, then do be honest and just let her know that you aren't enjoying sex with her...that you two are just not well matched in that area...
Give it your best shot (pun intended) and then decide if it's worth staying or walking away...
2006-07-24 07:23:33 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teach her. My boyfriend is the only guy I've ever been with and he taught me everything I know. We have great sex! Watch flicks together and tell her what you like or are interested in trying. Sex should be fun for both of ya'll. If you can't hold a conversation about sex and what you want and need from her then maybe ya'll shouldn't be in a relationship. When you love someone you want to please them in every way possible. Express yourself to her and give her the chance to try to change. If you see she is trying give her positive feedback and afterwards give her suggestions. Heck you can just stop in the middle of sex and say "hey let's try this and see if you like it." It's just sex! Make it fun :-)
2006-07-24 07:22:55 · answer #5 · answered by Tori B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being honest is always the best answer. If you really like this girl, sit down with her and tell her how you feel. Let her know that sex is something for both of you to enjoy, it is not only "her" pleasure
2006-07-24 07:21:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"superb human being otherwise" no count your subject matters with sex you do not look that into her both way. sex is completely undesirable even as there isn't any charm or opens strains of verbal replace. Yall look lacking extremely both
2016-12-10 14:45:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
mayb sex to u is important as part of the relationship. Mayb both of u can try watching some porns and tell her dat it is interesting to try some acts fr there.Hmm, hope it works for the both of u.
2006-07-24 07:22:55 · answer #8 · answered by SadSingleEyelid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't come right out and say "you suck!", but maybe see if offering suggestions might work? Like how about we try this or that tonight? She might not have a lot of experience herself to know what she likes and doesn't like.
2006-07-24 07:22:20 · answer #9 · answered by babyj2524 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go shopping for toys! Get her to go with you and then see how she is after that. If the problem is still there then you need to have a face to face with her.
Good Luck!
2006-07-24 07:23:02 · answer #10 · answered by misscanada_y2k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋