I don't trust anyone and have no reason not to trust my BF. I need serious help trying to fight co-dependent behaviors and being needy. I fight this with every ounce of blood in my body but it doesn't stop me from feeling depressed, rejected, etc. How can I stop this before it ruins my relationship? I feel like I am so lonely and need to be with him all the time, problem is..he doesn't realize this and is very independent, unemotional (although nice & caring) He's just not like any other guys I've ever dated, I've always dated guys who were sooo in love with me or so they say..this guy is different..he's actually healthy and in turn..I'm insecure!! HELP!!
2006-07-24 07:11:44 · 16 answers · asked by beautifully broken 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
http://www.teenrelationships.org
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=9842&cn=353
Get a counsellor and work on it. If you think that you are driving him away, sit him down and talk it out. Tell him that you are working on it, and ask for patience.
Start your relationship with clear communication, and you are way ahead of the game. Way ahead.
2006-07-24 07:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by helixburger 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell yourself that if you don't stop, your boyfriend will leave you. Trust me, he will.
Nobody really wants to have a relationship with a person who is "desperate". Even if you hide how you feel, he will sense something "isn't quite right" - this will make him want to avoid you even more.
I'm sure you also know that if you become too "clingy" with an independent, aloof guy that he'll leave you in the dust. An animal will chew off its foot when it becomes caught in a trap, a dog will chew through the rope that ties it to a tree, and people break up with the other when they feel they're a victim of "smother love".
You'll need to work on your self-esteem issues. A licensed professional will be able to help you discover why you are codependent and give you "tools" to stop being so needy.
In the meantime, it's also a good idea to "take yourself out on a date". Yes, just you - by yourself. And it won't cost a lot either! Go out and buy yourself a burger or an ice cream cone, then treat yourself to a matinee at your local movie theater (much cheaper than at night), and then just for the heck of it, buy yourself a small bouquet of flowers or small trinket.
"Spending time alone" will give you the chance to see who you are, how you feel and how wonderful of a person you really are. You'll be able to enjoy being alone (yes, you really will) and feel more confident, independent and aloof just like your boyfriend. Once he sees how you've changed, he'll want to be around you more often.
The best way to "hold onto" a person is with open arms...
2006-07-24 07:40:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can change your boyfriend so get a hobby.... find somthing that youj like to do that will take your mind off worrying about him. Guys are big boys they can handel themselvs they will do what they want! You have to learn to trust him thought it may be hard for you you've gotta do it! Try maybe talking to him about how you feel dont obsess and keep bringing it up but tell him your conserns he will tell you theres nothing to worry about and then you have to trust him compleetly! If you just cant trust him or stop worring about him then maybe go get some help (wasnt saying that in a bad way)
GOOD LUCK
2006-07-24 07:17:22 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ Sunshine ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have two problems - at least according to yourself.
You said the following
1) I don't trust anyone
2) he doesn't realize this
First, you should sit down with your boyfriend and have a discussion. If you are in a relationship with him, you should share your needs and wants with him.
Second, you need to see a psychologist or a counselor. You need to develop a skill to evaluate people and trust people who are trust worthy, yet realize when the person is not trust worthy. You will need to know this for now and for your future.
If you are new with him, then it sort of explains how you feel. But, if you think you have a problem - and you know yourself without realizing it, you should at least seek assistance.
2006-07-24 07:18:48 · answer #4 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have a similar problem. i have no reason not to trust my bf. anytime he goes out, i worry, i panic, i get on his case. i feel like one day he's going to to get fed up with me. it's very hard to let go of the feeling of being paranoid, especially if someone has done you wrong in the past. it takes some time to get over it but he helps out too. he'll call me, send me a text, come home a little early...anything to assure me that i've got nothing to worry about. and he always tells me, "if you ever get that feeling of being lonely, you know i'm only a phonecall away and that i love you." its not much help, i know, but do know you're not alone in feeling that way!
also, finding something to do, like a hobby or whatnot can take your mind off of things for a bit too.
2006-07-24 07:18:47 · answer #5 · answered by noxregrets 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go and speak with a Therapist or Psychiatrist. I am not trying to mock you or say that you are crazy. These are professionals who can help you deal with your co-dependant behavior.
Please do not wait. These behaviors can often get worse before they get better.
I added a site about codependency for you to read
2006-07-24 07:20:07 · answer #6 · answered by kimberleibenton 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was like this years ago. i grew out of it. i hope your really young. but age doesn't matter. maybe this guy isn't for you. to many fish in the sea. the more experiences you have in relationships, the better off you are find the right guy. take it easy. your not married to the guy.
2006-07-24 07:24:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you should be talking to a social worker. They can help you get past your insecurities and depression.
2006-07-24 07:16:04 · answer #8 · answered by *Mrs Yam* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DONT BE INSECURE.....if he is with you he loves you, my bf is the same way, i can cry about crazy stuff and he is there to support me, dont be insecure though it only makes any uncomfortable situation worse. be yourself and if you feel you need to talk to anyone talk to him that way he will get to know your feelings and understand you more.
best wishes and good luck~
2006-07-24 07:18:30 · answer #9 · answered by funandfaithful 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
has anyone ever cheated on u, have u ever cheated on sum1? maybe u r scared to love becuz u dont want to be hurt...my suggetion...stop all of the worrying and just live in the present
GOOD LUCK
2006-07-24 07:16:56 · answer #10 · answered by oMg_ItS_eViE28 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋