Help with INSECURE GIRLFRIEND......?

Question

My girlfriend is too insecure to the point that it seems she will never get over it. She thinks she's ugly and isn't happy with her body. She is actually gorgeous and sexy, but no matter how much I tell her this it doesn't get across. What can I do to help this???

She doesn't think she's fat, but rather skinny, and thinks she's "small" in certain areas.

Answer 1

Have you done anything that has made her feel this way? maybe you did something or lied to her about something and that has made her feel insecure about herself. Maybe you should just give her time and show her how much you love her. Give her time for her to realize how beautiful and gorgeous she is. Maybe she'll learn how to love herself and see her true beauty. Little by little she'll develop that confidence that she needs and she'll probably be even sexier. Be by her side and keep on showing her how much you love her. i know that her insecurities are probably driving you crazy but you should just give her time and love her even more. Maybe she just loves you too much and doesnt want to lose you, or for another girl to come in between you and her.

Answer 2

She's either in need of some professional help or a drama queen. Some women (and men for that matter) dwell on self pitty in order to raise the attention of their significant other. Is she feeling ignored? taken for granted? does she have an identity issue? all good questions.

I had a girlfriend like that at one point. It was one of the most stressful relationships I've ever had. She always wanted to know why I didn't love her, was it because she was fat/skinny/small breasts/large breast...you name it...It was so incredibly frustrating I finally gave up and called it quits.

I don't subscribe to that thinking anymore and when my wife ever acts remotely like that I look at her square in the eyes and tell her to get over herself and ignore it...she understands why I do it and doesn't try to pin her insecurities on me ever... bottom line, in my opinion she'll keep doing what she's doing if it gets her the attention she's looking for. Stop the cycle.


Good luck with this.

Answer 3

As her boyfriend, you have a lot of power to help her. Take her to the spa or a really fancy dinner and dancing. Anything that makes her feel beautiful. Also, constantly remind her of her true beauty; your words do have an affect whether or not she shows it (and she will after a while). You should probably remind her that it's not so much physical beauty that really matters and if you didn't think that she was a beautiful person you wouldn't be with her.

Answer 4

People have always judged each other on the basis of their physical appearance. Trends may change, or different cultures may emphasize different physical attributes, but the pervasiveness of advertising and the ease of information exchange in today's culture means that men and women alike are subjected to pressures to conform to a physical ideal of beauty that we have never experienced before to such a degree.

Today, women are "supposed" to be thin, yet have large breasts. They're supposed to have long hair, long legs, and have large round eyes, high cheekbones, and large lips. Men are supposed to have exaggerated musculature, little body fat, visible abdominal muscles, abundant scalp hair, and a large jaw. Both are expected to have tanned, unblemished skin. Not everyone looks like these stereotypes, but many people have unforunately developed the expectation that we should.

Mainly, the danger in this thinking is the possibility of developing an eating disorder, such as anorexia (avoidance of eating), or bulimia (binging and purging). If you suspect someone of having an eating disorder, you need to get them help--if left untreated, the result is death due to heart failure. Even if they survive, these diseases leave long-term liver, esophageal, and skeletal damage.

Eating disorders are merely the physical manifestation of the larger mental issues of body dysmorphia syndrome (BDS). BDS is characterized by a strong sensation that one's own body is ugly and unattractive to others, and the extreme desire to change one's phsyical appearance by excessive diet, exercise, or other means that potentially compromises one's physical health. The psychological issues of BDS are deep and don't go away just because friends or loved ones tell the person they look beautiful. The BDS sufferer won't believe anybody except their own internal messenger. Every look in the mirror is a critical judgement because they don't look like Angelia Jolie or Brad Pitt. Psychotherapy is strongly recommended to treat BDS. Over time, one "re-learns" how to view their self-image correctly, and develops their self-esteem to overcome their distorted perception.

I don't know if your girlfriend has BDS. If she's just mildly dissatisfied, it may worsen, or it may not. But if it's a problem in your relationship, I recommend she seek counseling with a licensed psychotherapist that specializes in body dysmorphia issues, and perhaps couples counseling that can improve the quality of your relationship. Best wishes to you both.

Answer 5

Is she really insecure or just hyper self-absorbed? Could be she spends too much time comparing herself to movie star types. Maybe she watches too much TV. Tell her less than 1% of the female population looks like Paris Hilton...who'd want to? Models on the front of the magazines are airbrushed, have had boob jobs, butt lifts, professional hair and make-up. Might as well be looking at cartoons for as reall as it is.

Answer 6

I've never been insecure, but if it were me I'd just make a conscious effort not to talk about other women or check them out when you're with her (obviously I don't know if you do that or not). At least maybe that will give her some sense of security with you, if not with herself. That, by the way, will likely improve as she gets older.

Answer 7

beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
you behold her as gorgeous & sexy.
she beholds herself as ugly.
either someone has convinced her that she's ugly or she has convinced herself that she's ugly (possibly due to certain circumstances during childhood or young adulthood).
she may have been rejected by boys/guys & assumed it was because they thought she was too ugly for them.
she does need to be convinced that she is gorgeous & sexy.
don't try to convince her by telling her that she's not ugly... that would only keep the word "ugly" in her mind... & it would remind her of her own opinion of herself.
just try & convince her by continuing to tell her that she's gorgeous & sexy.
maybe you could get other people to also tell her she's gorgeous & sexy... & help you to convince her... it would certainly be more convincing that way.

Answer 8

Chances are she has had low self esteem from something else in her life that has put this impression in her... keep telling her how beautiful you think she is, and let her know you love her body the way it is. Sometimes Us women, just need that security from our man, to make us feel wanted, appreciated and loved... it's a woman thing... we all suffer from it. Talk to her about what makes her feel this way too... is it when you talk to other women or flirt with them ? If so then ding ding, that's your problem (stop it) if it something else... you need to help her thru it if you love her... learn to understand why she feels this way and work your way around it with her... good compliments at the right times too!
Good Luck!

Answer 9

dont push it,
just tell her how good she looks everyday, tell her she smells nice, tell her how cute she is acting, small things like that work better than you forcing her to think she looks nice or is beautiful,
if you do that she will think you are just wanting sex.
it takes time, she may have had something that happened to her in the past that makes her so insecure,
she will get there it does take time so you need to earn her trust!

good luck

Answer 10

here's something that might help coming from a girlfriend who is trying to fight off the insecurity. dont just tell her, show her. do some of those romantic things you see in the movies, like the flowers, the bubble baths together, they might seem like things that wont help but they might. just do random romantic things to see if it helps a little. basically make her feel beautiful.