How can I go about mentally breaking someone down whom is very rude & crude to everyone. Think the worst...?

Question

This person is my wifes mom who has tormented my wife for 38 years. My wife is on the verge of a breakdown because of her undermining Mom's ways. Her mom is in control of everything and has tore a part all the the relationships between my wife and her brothers& families. I want to give her a taste of her own medicine. How can I attack her mentally before my wife does it Physically??

Answer 1

Oh for heaven's sake, grow up!

Your wife needs counseling to help her break the hold her Mom has on her. You need counseling to learn how to support your wife and not be making ridiculous statements that help no one.

Answer 2

The best way to attack her mentally is giving her a couple of doses of her own medicine. Whenever she decides to attack your wife mentally whether it be in a yelling match or small comments turn them back to her and go face to face with her. If you have to get extremely nasty and call her what both of you feel she is at the moment. This is the only way she will see this. For 38 years you have a lot of blackmail power over her start using it. Call her on every single thing she says or does to the point where she can't talk or look at herself in the mirror if it doesn't get to this point then cut her off completely until she realizes her place, which is out of yours.

Answer 3

I have a similar mother in law, ouch... Here is how we have handled her for the last 25 years. MOVE FAR ENOUGH AWAY THAT IT TAKES A "TRIP" TO COME SEE YOU. Go for short visits and leave as soon as things get unfriendly. When you get phone calls and the conversations get hurt-full, controlling, bossy, intrusive or irritating HANG UP! When she call's back have the other person answer, "Mom she hung up, you were saying hurt-full, controlling, bossy what ever the case is this time... things and she doesn't want to here it so she is now unavailable to take your call, talk to you again soon, love you, bye" and hang up! don't answer any more calls from her for a couple day's. If your home alone don't answer any more call's. "you are removing her power by doing it this way." She'll catch on (some)... Some times they get better sometimes they don't, but you will NEVER have the ability to "break her down" and trust me you don't want to "stoup to her level" it just makes you look bad and feel bad about your self, you don't want to be that kind of person.

Answer 4

You and your wife need to seek professional counseling to help you find better coping skills with regard to her mother. Get help NOW.

Physical abuse will only result in one or both of you spending some of your one and only life in jail. Time is the most important thing you have so I assume that you don't want to spend it incarcerated. Likewise, verbal abuse can also make you liable for some form of prosecution. Speak carefully, lest you trip over your own tongue.

If your mother-in-law is as toxic as you describe, the best solution is for you and your wife to get as far away from her as possible. Let her know that you will not tolerate her abusive behavior anymore. If she calls, change the number. If she comes to your door, do NOT answer it. Perhaps when she withers in isolation away from you, she will learn to speak more kindly in all matters. Live your lives as if your mother-in-law didn't exist.

Once you are out of her reach, it may be possible to mend fences with the other relatives. They may also be aware that their mother is mentally ill and emotionally toxic. Compare notes. If, on the other hand, they take the position that "mama is always right," then you really have no recourse but to write them off as well. Perhaps a relationship with them will be possible after the mother has passed away and they have had time to admit to themselves that she wasn't nearly the saint they may believe she is now.

Answer 5

Treat her like a non-entity. That means, when she calls, you don't answer the phone (change your number or get caller ID), when she comes over, don't let her in (not even if a rabid pit-bull is chasing her). It sounds like your mother-in-law performs when she knows she has an audience. My dad is a lot like she is. BUT...I have learned to ignore his every stupid and extremely pathetic remark. Whenever he says something ignorant or otherwise, I don't respond. If he gets in my face with something particularly stupid, I have to be ugly, blunt, and extremely straight-forward with him. I don't ask him his advice on anything and if he gives it to me freely, I make him feel that he never should've opened his mouth. It's a tough job, but it needs to be done. Sometimes meanness is all some people understand. You and your wife must present a united-front against her. You wife cannot cave-in...not even when her mother starts laying the guilt-trip on her! So...get your wife on the same page! Time out for the drama and the crying and the nervous breakdowns. You must treat your mother-in-law like she doesn't even exist! Barring that, whip her ***; it'll make you and your wife feel better!

Answer 6

The best thing to do with a person like this is to completely ignore them. They feed off of other people's misery and those people's responses to their constant hate and unhappiness. You must not give her the saisfaction of knowing that just because she is miserable that she has to make everyone else around her miserable. You need to distance you and your wife as much as possible from this woman and break all ties. Ignoring her will piss her off more than anything beacuse she always expects some kind of response. Try this, and let me know how it goes.

Answer 7

Well, you actually need to take the opposite approach.

Whatever hateful or controlling thing she says, you say "How interesting. Thanks for sharing your opinion." Every single time. Do not say whether or not you are going to act on it or not. Do what you want anyway.

Hopefully she will get the message. If not, you may have to limit your communications with her to keep your sanity.

If she says, "Why do you say that to everything I say," a possible response could be, "Quite honestly, I don't find your contributions very helpful; but I'm sure being helpful was your intent, wasn't it?" And then go on to give an example of a more helpful comment.

If she is abusive, you definitely need to curtain your communications with this woman. No one deserves putting up with that.

Answer 8

Stop acting like a child, and wanting revenge - your WIFE has allowed this behavior from her mom...so she is to blame as well.

Pep talk your wife. SHE needs to put an end to this very unhealthy relationship, not you. She needs to tell her mom "If you wish to have me in your life...you need to stop acting mean and causing issues between the family."

Draw a line in the sand, and if the monster in law crosses it - terminate the relationship. Both of your obligations lay within your OWN family...focus on that.

Answer 9

I feel your pain.

My step grandmother was such an old witch.

They take great delight in making other people unhappy, and making them fight.

In my experience the best ways of dealing with this are:

Just don't let them get under your skin, and demonstrate politely that their comments are designed to be destructive, so you are going to ignore them.

Of course another solution is just avoiding her altogether, all the time.

The worst thing you can do is react in anger or anguish- these fools love this sort of response. Sub-conciously it is what they are trying to achieve.

Answer 10

Play the inevetible head game... First off let your wife know what your intentions are so that she is not surprised when her mom approaches her. You have to seem totaly sincere in what you tell her....First ask her why....when she does or doesn't respond. tell your m-i-l that you ask because you are concerned for her saftey...when she asks why look at her and let her leave it to her imiganitation....just say well uhhhhhhh hummm i don't know if I should tell you this.... and just say never mind....and walk away... always leave her thinking....think of some drastic things...and say well I heard her talking in her sleep the other night about you and....welll never mind....let her mind do her in.....work for me.

Answer 11

First of all, sever all ties with the woman. I really wish my husband were here, he is the most evil of the two of us. He would say something like find what her soft spot is and drill it into the ground. Like, if she is fat, tell her that you are glad your kids will take after you because they would die of fatness before reaching her age. Or, if she is just a drunk *****, tell her that you hope she dies in a gutter somewhere and tries to call you so that you can laugh while standing over her pathetic body.