I have a teen who is belligerent and argues with me. Runs away when things get tough, what do I do? He's 16.

Question

The teen thinks he is always right and all adults are stupid. He lies to cover when he has done something wrong. When caught he gets defensive . He is only my nephew and lied to come stay with me. His parents just says he's a teenager. They didn't have control over him either. He is not on drugs though he has tried them so he says. My sister tried a counselor but he refused to talk to them. I would like to know if there is something I can say to him to get through to him?

Answer 1

It sounds from what you've written that he's never had boundaries. No one's ever taught him the line that can't be crossed.

He's too old for Boys and Girls Club, and probably wouldn't go anyway. Counseling won't help if he's not going to participate. Depending on your community there may or not be good alternatives for you.

The best alternative is to find out if there's a youth intervention program through your local police or sheriff's department. Usually these are young officers with a military background or no-nonsense older officers who've seen it all and can talk straight to these kids. They will take a very active interest in the kids, including visits to the kids at school to make sure they're doing their homework and staying out of trouble. They work with the counselors at school (who are probably your best allies in this...they have the boy for 6-7 hours/day and know the resources both through the schools and the community).

Another good option where it exists is an active mentoring program. These are men from the community who spend time with boys who need a male influence in their lives and they try to teach them how men act and think. They set good examples and work to get kids to learn how to make good decisions.

Finally, I don't know if you have a temporary custody arrangement or not, but if you do there are outpatient psych programs through Community Mental Health that will let him get help in a group setting without being "in counseling". The catch is that you have to have the authority to enroll him in the program.

As for "something to say to him". No, there's nothing you personally can say. What you can do is be patient...you already knew he was imperfect when he came to live with you...and stand up to him to explain what's acceptable and what's not. If he runs away, call the police. If he gets drunk or you find him under the influence, take him to the police station. I did it with my son when he was 14 and got drunk with friends one night. It was the best thing I ever did. They gave him a breathalyzer test, read him his rights and arrested him for Minor in Possession. He got 6 months probation and had a very big, strong probation officer named Rocky keeping close watch on him for 8 months. Rocky did in that time more than I could have done by myself...and he had the badge, gun and handcuffs to stand up to a mouthy, rebellious teen...and the judge's home phone number if he had to make a call in the middle of the night. It was beautiful! Think about it...

Answer 2

Lets just say this, hes probably not on drugs because teens say that to scare adults and judging by the way he lies, hes just as creative as i am. Yes they do get defensive when caught but you know what, Its normal to argue with them all the time but after two days everything goes back to normal. It doesn't matter what hes doing outside because the only way for a teenager to become a bad person is their own choice no one will actually force them. but If this happens constantly maybe he has Bi Polar Disorder which is when a person is on some days extremely happy and next they will be extremely sad and make bad choices and especially during teen years it gets extreme. If so then i suggest that you take him to see a doctor who will prescribe some medicine for him to take that will make him more balanced and of course its only for short-term use so maybe after 6 months he will be as mature and emotionally balanced as an adult. This medicine is usually call Deanxit and alot of teens around the world are prescribed it. Trust me it won't harm him. In the mean time dont argue with him, let things be no matter how big they are and maybe it will be better, or you can say that hes right and go along with him. Or even better find someone preferably "cool" and is a guy who you know well and maybe they can talk to each other. Well, i ve always felt more comfortable talking with people who are not in my family... but I seriously recommend you taking him to see a doctor, bribe him if you must.. after the first time, he will understand. and so will you. you should talk to the doctor, but dont let him know or else it will be very bad...

Answer 3

I was 16 and I did alot of stupid things I regret now. Nothing stopped me, but I think sending him off to a military school would probably change his attitude. Sitting there making rules will not do anything. I can guarantee in 10 years he will be back saying he is sorry for everything he has done. I wouldn't wait to find out if he'll live to be that old though. Send him somewhere.

Answer 4

good, step one could be deleting this query once you get a well reply. moment, when you do runaway wait until your sixteen considering the fact that then you'll be able to get a role whilst you are within the U.S. I have revel in with strolling away, considering the fact that i did it myself 6 months in the past. I'm thirteen and that i are living within the U.S, and that i remorse it. I'm now not going to name you dull or immature, however the movements you wish to take are. I left my condominium at four within the morning and went approximately 3 miles clear of my dwelling. I are living in a gated neighborhood, so i needed to move slowly via grime simply so safeguard would not see me. My moms and dads known as the police and i used to be located at round 10:30. I was once grounded till christmas, so i used to be grounded for a month. If you do runaway, avoid wasting cash earlier than hand, do not act suspicious, and do not depart a notice when you quite do not wish to be located. Your moms and dads are going to be scared, lonely, unhappy, mad and suppose like they're dangerous moms and dads.

Answer 5

put him in military school...it teaches respect and self discipline. There are several camps that you can send him to that are like boot camps. look on the internet. There are agencies like boys town. He not a criminal, not addicted to drugs or booze, he is not hurting anyone, hes just a smart mouthed teen..seems typical, I have raised 2 teen step sons and have a 3rd son whos 12. When mine got bad, I took them to local hospital and I volunteered them to assist sick and dying kids. I forced them to mow our elderly neighbors lawn. I forced them to apologize when rude. I told them that they were part of our family and therefore had responsibilities...both boys were assigned chores. Every day they each had 2 or 3 things they had to do. We also required family dinner. At 6 pm every Mon-Fri those boys were home and at the table, of course they took turns helping cook and set the table. If they didnt want to show up, we would all go hungry and it would be their fault I reasoned with them. It took a while but they came around and they both know how to cook, clean, sew, do laundry, iron. They are both really good with their 5 yr old sister. The boys are now 23 and 19....I feel your pain.

Answer 6

one word INTERVENTION!!! You are the parent make that point clear say if you dont want to live by my rules and actually set rules but tell him its my way or leave. It sounds harsh but i was just like that as a kid and my mom stepped in and stood her ground. I straightened up or i was out. Take away stuff and what ever you do DO NOT GIVE IN. I tried to con my mom of so many things. Say shape up or ship out i work for social services and you need to say if you cannot go by my rules then go your not my child tell him you will even do it the legal way of immancipation but he has to prove that your unfit. No violence and dont give him a negative reaction. STAY CALM it will only anger him because he will have to learn that you are the one in control. Set rules and stick by them.
Say if you run away, i will turn you in and if he does. TURN HIM IN!!! I tried that whole run away thing and i only stopped when i got in trouble for it.Tell him if he continues to get out of control which is what it is that maybe sending him away to a boot camp or group home for troubled young men

Hope this advice works for you.

Answer 7

Welcome to the world of teenagedom or adolescence! Or as some scholars would say emerging adulthood, given that he's 16. This is considered as one of the most difficult development stages in a human being's life, given the wide-ranging changes occurring during this period (physical, mental, emotional, environmental, social, psychological). The psychological and social transition from childhood to adulthood is marked with more "negative" and difficult events. It is both a challenge for the parent/guardian and the child involved to get through this unscathed. Adolescent behavior is often influenced by environmental and social factors (external role models, drugs and alcohol, movies, etc) and one foremost problem is their search for a unique identity.

This search for a unique identity is usually manifested by challenging the authority or the rules; this is their way to establish their own identity. They crave for adulthood and seek a way to make that niche or place in the society. This is what your teen is going through right now. The secret to dealing with your teen is PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING, an OPEN line of communication. Imagine yourself in his shoes too. It is useless to meet him head to head, it will only make him rebel more. Win him over to your side. And guide him through this challenging time in his life

Answer 8

Probably not, if he refuses to listen to adults...he probably will not listen to you either. Maybe, he needs someone to get in tune with him. Find out his positive qualities and encourage those things. It is much more productive to build on positive qualities than to focus on negative qualities. Try to be a friend and get into his world. Adolescence is a very difficult time. It is very possible that many teens will experiment with drugs/alcohol etc. However, if he is angry & self destructive then he needs some help. Once you find out what his good interests are then try to involve yourself with him. For example, if he likes to play video games play with him. If he has a talent for painting, ask him to help you paint your garage, etc. The worst thing to do, is to preach to him. Try to find out who is friends are and see if you can work together with his friends parents to do some things as a group. Also, if he gets himself into trouble, let him and him only be responsible for his utcome. If others bail him out of his troubles, it does not help, it enables him to keep doing wrong. Try to find a postive male mentor for him. Maybe take him on a camping trip or swimming trip or something to get away from it all and try to give him honest praise for good things in him. Best of luck. Pray for him daily.

Answer 9

At this point he is entitled to a pillow and blanket to sleep on the floor and rice and beans. Nothing more than a uniform consisting of White T shirts and basic jeans and shoes. White socks will be great. No door on the bedroom.

He can work his way up from there.

If you are doing more than that for him you are indeed stupid.

Answer 10

The transition from childhood to adulthood is hard from most teens. If he is not accountable for his actions, he won't accept responsibility to for them (e.g. running away, lying to cover, refusing to deal with it, etc.). The first step is to find out why he's angry. There are plenty of things that teens go through they feel they can't share with adults around them. It could be school, a girlfriend, questions about sexuality, sexual preference, fear for his future. Whatever you do, please don't dismiss it as teenage angst.