Absent fathers?

Question

I have a 6yrs old girl. Her father decied when i was 2 months that he didnt feel ready to become a dad and left to travel a bit. Said he would be in contact in two weeks but didnt hear anything till my daugher was three! he didnt even tell his parents now they are involved but he has decided this past year not to get in contact with my daughter again. How can a fella live with that?? A

Answer 1

Any bloke that is worth anything can't. I have been through this very same situation, albeit a role reversal. When I was 21 I went through a shotgun wedding. My girlfriend was pregnant and I was brought up to take responsibility for my actions; we decided to get married. She was 18, from a wealthy family. Eventually we split, I remember carrying my little girl in my arms and crying whilst tellinr that 'Daddy will be leaving soon because mummy and daddy can't get on'.
As you can imagine this made me feel pretty crap. I left and moved back in with my parents. Subsequently I met another girl and we bought a house together and were very happy, we both had careers and enjoyed them. I saw my daughter regularly at weekends until my ex got jealous and I missed one weekend of seeing my daughter due to work committments. At this stage my daughter was just coming upto 4 tears old and doing all the things that a 4 YO does. I still have her 4th birethday and Xmas presents wrapped up waiting for her.
I have not seen her or spoke to her since that day and I really miss her and think about her everday. The reson I did not see her was that I moved away because of work (abroad) and could not afford to travel back. I did try to make contact thru various methods and when I eventually spoke to my ex she would not let me speak to my little girl or even let me know how she was. I know that my daughter knows me, she was allowed brief contact with my parents whilst I was away, but that was soon stopped. I also know that my ex has, or is trying, to poisen my daughters memories of me.
The real issue here is that my ex's parents split up and she was caught up in a love battle between her parents (both millionaires) after the split. One would say "If you come and live with me I will take you on holiday, the other would say that they would buy her a horse. My ex took advantage of this situation and unfortunatly, became very self important and spoilt.
I sincerly hope that my little girl who is now an almost 17 is wise to this and has grown up with the morals that I hope I instilled in her during the early years of her life.
I was too young, not responsible enough and married the wrong partner, but, something good did come out of it; my beautiful daughter Georgina MB. 18/10.
I am just waiting for that knock on the door, telephone call or letter asking me why? I have the answer and I need to see her.
Hope this helps.

Answer 2

The idea of becoming a father might scare some future dads. It is a time for reflection, to put away the football boots and take up the whistle.
Some men ( I use the term "men" very loosely), simply cannot handle the idea. I am not condoning what the do, just trying to explain it.
I am a father of two boys (8 and 3) and I had them quite late in life. I was 38 when my first was born. Even so, it took me quite a while to get into the swing of things (nine months approximately), but what really helped was going with my wife to all her appointments with the gynaechologist, the midwife, decorating the bedroom etc etc... .
Getting involved with the pregnancy and sharing the experience with my wife really helped. I think it is something vital for all future fathers to do. Women have the advantage here. They live the experience 24/7 and although I'm sure many women would like a respite from their pregnancies from time to time, it prepares them for the moment of giving birth. No matter how much a man tries to get involved, he will always be a spectator, never a player on the field.
If I had had children earlier in life I don't know how I would have reacted, but I don't think many men are ever really ready to bear the responsibility.
Being a father is never easy. There are more difficult moments than happy ones because it is usually the dad who has to hand out the discipline.
Of course an easy way to avoid the responsibilty of parenthood is negation. Running away and pretending it isn't there or it didn't happen. I think that is what happened to the father of your six-year-old. I feel sorry for him because he's missing something wonderful. Don't feel sorry for yourself or your daughter, sometimes it is better to bring up a child without a dad than to have to bring one up with a bad one.
Good luck.

Answer 3

That is ridiculous. Some men (and woman as well) are really strange. I'm not sure how someone can do that. That is the joys of life to see your child grow and learn. He's just selfish. My dad dis the same thing. Actually I was 2 when he left I saw him once when he was in jail from Child support because I was 16 and could actually go see him (My Mom never kept me from him - he kept him self from me & my sister). Now I am 22, married, and have my own daughter. Now he decides to cme back into my life. He also has a two year old.
Anyways, the point is - maybe he'll com around, even if is in 20 years. Better late than never I guess. You guys just move on, he did.

Have a good day. Don't let his ignorance keep you down.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear this type of behavior in this , so-called-father. Your child already understands, her father does not love her. You need to either get his parents involved in this childs life, or you will have some real problems on your hands as this child tends to grow up with only 1 parent. I'm sorry to say this, but didnt the 2 of yous( father and self) talk it over having a child?I understand things do happen, but this deadbeat father needs a good wakeing up call. Have the authorities arrest him for non child support. When your daughter grows up, and finds herself someone, her father will want to be in her life. By then its always too late.

Answer 5

How a human lives with that I have no idea but it sounds like it is all for the best when it comes to having him around YOUR daughter. Sad but the only one he is hurting is your daughter. She will be so insecure about men in the future. Good luck and find her a real dad/man.

Answer 6

well augustina,you said it when you described her as "my daughter"-
unfortunately he has not proven to be a father,rather more of a sperm donor.but thats ok because although she has his genes she is your child ,in the sense that you have the bond with her- you were there for the sleepless nights,illness,first steps etc.he does not share this bond and this is how he can change his mind about being there for her-he does not know her like you do and does not love her like you do.you can still have a good relationship with his parents and so can she.my ex-in-laws were very kind and we all get along well.
try not to run him down,i know its hard sometimes but she will find out for herself some day.if she asks ,try to be as honest as you can without being negative.
we both know that he's an irresponsible jerk but it wont help her self -esteem to say that-
its his loss !!
enjoy your daughter ,health and happiness to you both.

Answer 7

You cant live with that. Your daughter needs a proper Father to love both you and her.
As long as you tell your daughter that her Daddy still loves her but cant always see her as often as she likes.
A Dad isnt necessarily the "real" Father, but the man that treats you both well and is always there for you.
I`m sure you`ll meet a man that will make you both happy and you both deserve it.

Answer 8

He may be the father for conception but he will never be a real father. Some people are just not made to be parents and your baby's father is one of them. He has/will lose out on a lot but you have something he will never have. A daughter!@

Answer 9

just forget about him and concentrate on your child-hes lost out on the most wonderful times ever and clearly isnt good enough to be with you.The most important thing is that your daughter doesnt get caught up in all this-if she knows hes her father hes got to either make a real effort or step away completly-all this coming and going cant be good for her.
You no doubt are a good mother and dont let this turmoil ruin the joy of sharing your life with your girl.Good luck.

Answer 10

Because most don't bond like a mother does, he didn't experience the beauty of having a life grow inside him, he didn't experience with you the life growing inside of you, out of site out of mind, lack of input as a responsible father should has left him feeling no real bond for his own child, its sad but unfortunately it happens, not all are as irresponsible as him, at the end of the day its his loss not yours and not your child's, its him who's missing out on all the love that bonding with his own child can bring. My own dad was not a good man and showed no interest at all or made any real effort to contact me but i couldn't care less as its not effected who i am, i never needed him, i had enough love growing up, my mother made sure of that, Ive turned out pretty good, a father in my life was not and never will be a necessity. x