step child discipline?

Question

I have a 5 year old step child, i am only letting you know that he is a step child for the simple fact i want you to know of the situation. otherwise i would say child. anyways, what kind of disciplinary acts am i entitled to have as a stepfather when the real father isnt around much. He tells him not to listen to me ect. he gets him maybe for a day or two, two to three times a month. there is no child support or anything, but thats a different question. it just seems that putting him in the corner nor put him in his room has worked. i have swatted his *** or his hand a time or two, but would rather not spank him. I find that nothing really works. what should i do? also what fun things around the house should i do with him on the weekends around the house when mom is at work. i would like to try to stay inside because i would rather my 4 month old daughter not be in the heat. please be specific in your answer.

Answer 1

You are better to pose this question to your wife. In marrying her, you also married into the role of FATHER (not step-father). Step-father is a legal term - it is not a title. You are the child's father (he'she has two and you are the more important one, as you have accepted this day-to-day duty - AND should be proud of that!).

If your wife agrees that you are indeed the child's gaurdian for life (a father), then you should feel free to discipline the child WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES set by your wife (they should match your wife's "powers" for consistencies sake).

I married a woman with a one-year old 33 years ago. I never once referred to myself as her step father (except in legal terms). She knew her biological father, but has always accepted me for what I am - her father.

If you fully assume the responsibility and are comitted for life, then you are indeed the father. Now you know your first priority in life and can raise your child with authority and joy.

Be proud... it takes twice the man to be a father to another man's child.

Answer 2

First of all it sounds like the dad is a part time dad,deadbeat dad at that.Whatever you and his mother deem is appropriate punishment is what you should do. I am no big fan of spanking(I have done it) but really the threat of spanking works better than the actual spanking.They know its not that bad after a couple of times. It only works when they get their feelings hurt.I would talk to counselors at school if he is in yet.Maybe you can sit down with the dad and work out something where he understands that he is hurting his child, not you by saying those things.If not have her make an appointment with a child support judge and explain the facts..no child support and undermining the other parents. maybe something could be worked out so the child didn't have to be exposed to someone telling him not to mind his parents.That is enticing a minor-criminal charge-in the state where I live.
As for weekend activities, make something fun to do in each room of the house.Make a fort in the bedroom a racetrack in the kitchen, a Movie theater in the living room etc... You can move from one activity to the next since 5 yrs olds don't have extremely long attention spans. You can change up from room to room week to week then maybe the weather will be nice again soon.I know she doesn't need the heat but the fresh air would be good for her and you could let him run wild,which boys need to do.

Answer 3

First, I would make a list of simple rules, such as "no throwing food" and explain the rules to him. Next, I would explain what will happen if he breaks any of the rules. For example, if he throws food he will have to clean it up and then sit in time-out for 5 minutes. Make sure he understands the consequences and that they fit the "crime". I would make a time-out spot that is away from distractions. (some where where you can keep an eye on him and that there is no entertainment). I think if you do that consistently the time outs will work.
One key is not to worry about the child's feelings. That sounds harsh, but when he is being punished, don't feel bad or guilty. It is really in his best interest to learn to behave. He might say things like he hates you, but when he is a disciplined, reasonable adult he will appreciate that you took the time and effort to discipline him.
As far as having fun indoors on the weekend, I would encourage a lot of movement even though you are indoors. You can play hide and seek, follow the leader, etc. Also, my kids loved for me to put shaving cream on the coffee table and they could write in it with their index finger. It is a good way to practice letters/numbers and spelling his name. For quieter times you could play war (the card game) or read books.
If you live in a house, maybe when the baby is asleep, safely in a crib, you could make brief forays outside; to get the mail, water plants, etc...

Answer 4

I have a step daughter. that 9 now and have the same crap coming out of her fathers mouth!!!! any way he's already to old to be smacking his a s s so time outs work for me. to start 5 min on the steps and for each time he talks back add 5 more or throws a fit or stomps his feet .you get the idea and here's the good dad part if he can learn to apologize for each offense you take 5 off. he'll learn respect.... a good in door game treasure hunt it will take some major thinking on your half but it's fun for the both of you ....you have to make clues to each new treasure like mom cooks food in this place.( the oven ) then when he go's to the oven there will be a quarter and another clue. you lay your head on this to sleep (his pillow) under the pillow will be 50 cents and another clue like ,hide something in his favorite toy . you get the idea... and each time another quarter but the last one isn't money you have to use your heart ...i don't know how smart you son is --i say your son because you stepped up to the plate---but a good picture of you and him or the family and some crayolas and paper with something as simple as i love you on it..is the best treasure of all......

Answer 5

I can certainly understand how this would bother you . I myself was divorced once and my first wife had custody until he turned 12 and came to live with me. The only good thing about it was we never put the kid in the middle of our own disagreements or spoke badly of our ex-spouse in his presense , It's always best to let them grow and develope there own informed opinion. It was very immature and spiteful of his dad to tell the boy such a stupid thing as not to listen to you. Thats a perfect example of what not to do. Some advice would be to try and picture yourself in the boys situation , that may be of help. At five years old , a most impressionable age this is more than they can realistically grasp . So acting out there feelings of hurt and anger are all they know at that age. You can have much influence over this child by showing him love and support and not being the person the boy's daddy may possibly project to the child . He'll eventually recognize it if you show him genuine caring and interest in his happiness. Try sitting down with him and watching some of his favorite cartoons with him and share in some laughter with him. Perhaps finding a good childrens book and reading to him when you can will help also . Children are thirsty for knowledge and learn much by doing this. I have a daughter that just loves this and the attention it brings her. I agree with you on the spanking , it really does seem to hurt us more than them doesn't it . I would reserve that only for instances where he may be in danger of hurting himself or someone else . You may ask him for help in caring for his sister and let him know how important he is for helping , such as bringing her a rattle from her crib or one of her favorite items. It will take some time and much patience but You seem to have good instincts here. Your a prominant role model for the children and I wish you good luck . I have a feeling your going to do just fine.

Answer 6

first off... do not swat this child on the butt or hand. fact of the matter is it's not your child, and no child should be hit ever. you need to work out with his mother how much of a disciplinary figure she wants you to be. time outs will work eventually. you both need to work on a system together for anything to work. as for indoor activites... get some art & crafts, crayons & coloring books, an easel with paints and chalk. there are lots of things you can do.

good luck.

Answer 7

What are hard ? I'm in the same spot and don't know what to do I googled Disipline step children and got several sites that have good advice try that. Good Luck